Lighthouse Management
Originally posted to chenmark.com/weekly-thoughts
Today’s parents?have a lot of choices to make .? Should they, for instance, be a “Helicopter Parent” who hovers over their child at all times?? Or perhaps we should be a “Snowplow Parent”, who readily plows away obstacles in the child’s way?? That said, if we really want our children to get into the Ivy League, maybe we should take a “Tiger Mom” approach, demanding high levels of achievement no matter the cost.?
It’s understandable that parents jump to assist their children—it’s a natural biological response.? The problem with these highly involved approaches is that they can undermine the development of self-confidence, leading to high instances of anxiety and depression.? Despite many parents stated?goal to raise self-reliant children,?the troubling stats surrounding?today’s youth ?suggest the opposite is happening.? As such, we were interested to hear of the concept of a “Lighthouse Parent”.??From The Atlantic :
“I want to make a case for the Lighthouse Parent. A Lighthouse Parent stands as a steady, reliable guide, providing safety and clarity without controlling every aspect of their child’s journey. Here’s an example: A child comes home feeling overwhelmed by school and frustrated that she is doing ‘all of the work’?for a big group project that is due next week. The over functioning parent is ready with an array of next steps: ‘Why don’t you assign the other group members what they each have to do?’?‘You should put your name next to all of the parts that you did so the teacher gives you credit.’?‘I’m going to email the teacher so she knows that you’re doing all of the work.’?These tactics may address symptoms, but they fail to get at the underlying issue. They also inadvertently communicate to a child that what’s needed is parental involvement. Sometimes what a child needs is simply to be acknowledged: ‘Wow, that sounds like a lot.’?‘I can tell you are working really hard.’?‘Do you have ideas about what you want to do?’
…Like a lighthouse that helps sailors avoid crashing into rocks, Lighthouse Parents provide firm boundaries and emotional support while allowing their children the freedom to navigate their own challenges. They demonstrate that they trust their kids to handle difficult situations independently. The key is learning when to step back and let them find their own way.”
It turns out there can be many?similarities between?parenting and management.? For example, we also want our teams to have high levels of self-reliance.? We want leaders at all levels of our companies to have the confidence to make decisions and live with the results.? We want them to be rewarded for the work they do.? We want them to take accountability for their actions if things go sideways.
That all sounds nice, but in practice, it’s difficult to give others the type of?autonomy described in the article.?It means being strict on values and loose on methods.? It means sometimes saying nothing even if things aren’t being done the way you would.? It means giving people space to figure things out.? It means never saying “I told you so”.? It means being surprised both on the upside and the downside.? Achieving this sort of dynamic?is not easy, but it can be worth it.? In The Atlantic article, the author explained academic research on parenting styles, which are categorized as either Authoritarian, Permissive, Uninvolved, or Authoritative:
“Authoritarian parents make all decisions for their children with little room for negotiation. Permissive parents avoid conflict by setting few boundaries, often leading their children to struggle with discipline and focus. Uninvolved parents are disconnected, providing minimal support or structure. Authoritative parents allow for some flexibility, combining clear expectations with the willingness to listen. Authoritative parents are Lighthouse Parents. They are clear on values, but open to a range of ways in which those values can be put into practice; they balance structure and autonomy. The research shows that authoritative parenting yields the best outcomes for kids, and tends to produce happy and competent adults. Although this framework may seem simple or even intuitive, too many parents struggle to adopt it.”
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If you substitute “parent” with “supervisor” and “children” with “employee” in the above-mentioned paragraph, you’d pretty much have Chenmark’s preferred?approach to leadership management.? We certainly don’t always get it right, but we have learned that sometimes, once you have set cultural norms and clear values, surprisingly often?the best thing to do is nothing at all.
Have a great week,
Your Chenmark Team