The Light and Shadow of the Coaching Industry: A Personal Story

Reflections of a Coach Supervisor of the shadow aspects of self, coaching and leadership. Some reflective questions to consider for deeper introspection.

Written in British English.

I’m a private person. I don’t like talking about myself. Ideas on the other hand enliven me, conversation easily flows.

Yet, the ideas I deeply care about don’t seem to be that palatable on their own. Many well meaning people particularly fellow coaches, share the following words of advice:

Tell your story. Package what you have to say to make it more engaging.

I understand it on one level — our ability to organise and communicate in large numbers through storytelling has ensured the survival of humanity. We like stories, it’s part of our DNA.

On the other hand, I do wonder why we can’t ‘talk straight,' get to the heart of the matter, pivot towards truth without the need to spin, sugar-coat or in Psychologist Susan David, Ph.D. words pander to ‘toxic positivity.’ Contending with the reality of what we’re actually facing so that we can more readily do something about it.?

It reminds me of the time as a young corporate professional, I wrote a company blog which trended highly. To my surprise, I received more comments (in person) on my “lovely photo” than the substance of its content. Was I being too much of an idealist in hoping for meaningful conversation?

So here I am, finally succumbing to telling my story. Doing it in my own way mind — honouring the light and shadow sides of both myself and the vocation I love, Coaching.

The Light

Enrolling on a course entitled ‘Diploma in Personal Transformation Coaching’ was a leap of faith, to open up greater career possibilities for me. The course was so much more than that — forgive any corniness but it was truly transformational. Self exploration, growth and paradigm shifts ensued, all amongst people who felt like family (the kind that appreciate, understand and accept you as you truly are). I am forever grateful for this pivotal experience over the course of 2013-14.

Speaking to many coaches, their coach training experiences are not unlike my own. This is the joy and real gift of coaching — the self-transformation it can spark even before we do any work with clients.

The Shadow

These are the parts of ourselves we may see as unacceptable, feel ashamed about, are keen to suppress / reject for fear of having to face them.

Here I am, many years later, a newly qualified Coach Supervisor, reflecting on all of the above. Seeking to integrate, transcend and include all that has served me. Consciously embracing the shadow — what needs to be looked at and healed, letting go of what no longer serves me and embracing what does.

I choose to let go of fear, anger, sadness, hurt and disappointment. As painful as it has been, I am grateful for the powerful learnings that have come from adversity, from my values and ethical standards being challenged. Without this, I would not be who I am today, with the clarity, purpose and passion — albeit still a work in progress and embracing lifelong learning.

My shadow experience seems to be connected to and interrelated with the shadow of the coaching industry, as well as the NHS, academia and likely many other industries. As I see it, great opportunity and potential exists within coaching to show leadership around some of the biggest challenges we face individually, socially, organisationally and planetary.

Alongside this huge potential, there are aspects (through no lack of trying) don’t seem to want to be looked at, for what I’m told is a fear of being shamed, getting it wrong or reputational damage. This is encapsulated in the following questions that can be looked at individually or a coaching industry lens:

1. What are our blind spots and unconscious biases?
2. What’s our ability to hold and work with cognitive dissonance and paradox? How does this impact our work?
3. If we work purely in a person-centred way, what other lenses might be missing? Systemic, relational, competency development through action learning, ecological?
4. What’s our ethical frame of reference? How do we make ethical decisions?
5. What’s missing or rarely comes up in organisational coaching conversations despite it being a strategic priority / role requirement? How is this contracted (or not)?
6. How comfortable are we at holding space for difficult lived experiences? How does this challenge our own identity, view of the world or our own experiences? How do we react / respond?
7. How confident do we feel supporting difficult experiences without sympathising, rescuing, shutting-down, pitying, colluding, or ignoring / moving on?
8. What do we label as suitable coaching / supervision topics?
9. How acquainted are we with our own shadow??
10. How much time do we make for reflective practice? Restoration? Processing our emotions??

Much gratitude to the coaches who have participated in reflecting on some of these questions with me despite the uncomfortableness. It takes courage.

I feel compelled to share these observations and reflections because I’m hearing more often that I would like to admit, how clients do not feel they are able to bring difficult lived experiences to the coaching conversation (or coaches to supervision for that matter). I’ll be exploring this in future articles, as well as through developing my own supervision approach.

I'm also keen to hear insightful perspectives and approaches in this space.

I hold Coaching in high regard, I remain hopeful of the growth that can come from deep introspection and shadow work, the learning of which not only benefits us but those we serve. Coaches are in a unique position to model this transformation.

Contrary to my first blog to the big wide world of a multinational corporate, I do hope there is meaningful engagement around the questions I have offered for deeper reflection.?

My call to action is a willingness (as Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC puts it) to listen with our entire nervous system, have conversations with a curious, open mind, compassionate heart and courageous core / gut.

Allowing ourselves to let go of any expectations or attachment to have the answers — with meaningful conversation comes greater possibilities for relatability, connections and understanding. Thereby, fostering the conditions for wisdom to emerge, the ability to make sound judgments.?

Feel free to reach out to have an open, honest and non-judgmental conversation, which I believe improves our ability to respond / serve: [email protected]

I seek to consciously bring heart intelligence, embodiment and inclusion into my supervision approach, message me to learn more. Re-engaging our hearts, I believe is key:

“…The heart actually sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart… these...have a significant effect on brain function – influencing emotional processing as well as higher cognitive faculties such as attention, perception, memory, and problem-solving. In other words, not only does the heart respond to the brain, but the brain continuously responds to the heart.” ~ The Science of Heart Math (Link below).

Recommended Resources

The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage, Susan David: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDQ1Mi5I4rg

How to Have More Coaching Breakthroughs, Marcia Reynolds: https://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com/coaching-breakthroughs-dr-marcia-reynolds-mcc/

Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown : https://brenebrown.com/book/atlas-of-the-heart/

The Science of Heart Math: https://www.heartmath.com/science/

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