Light in the Darkness

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Mental health is a journey. Not a destination. Not an outcome. Not a bad day or even a good day. It’s an ongoing commitment to your well-being, to your spirit, to your soul.

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It’s a daily investment that says I am worthy, and I will give myself grace when I don’t feel that way. I have been on this journey for many, many years. A few years ago, I shared my own story, about being grateful I am still alive today. I felt confident, as I wrote that, that I was still prepared to manage dark moments when they came. I knew fear, doubt, anxiety, depression would surely come again, but I knew I could overcome them because of what I had been through.

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And then something happened. My son had a mental health crisis this past fall. And my world turned upside down. I knew how to cope with my own mental health issues. I knew the coping mechanisms I needed to employ when my stress felt insurmountable. I knew how to pull myself out of dark places. However, I did not know how to best support him. My child suddenly felt the weight of the world pressing down on him, and he thought it was just too much to bear. He wanted to give up. It was the most terrified and out of control I had ever felt in my life.

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So, we did what we could. We trusted the mental health professionals around us. He was hospitalized. We got him counseling that continues to this day. We surrounded him with love and support. We listened and learned. And we forge ahead knowing things won’t ever be the same, but maybe they will forever be better. Because even on his dark days, he has started creating his own toolkit. A toolkit to help him manage and cope with the pressures of life. Just like I learned at age 14. He now has a language he didn’t have before. And we have a new awareness of the way he thinks and processes the world around him. We have more clarity on what he needs from us because he is learning how to articulate it. And that’s something that will serve us all for the rest of our lives.

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While we were in the middle of that storm, I felt scared, utterly lost, and so unsure and yet, I can now look back a few months later and realize – once again – that there is always light in the darkness. ?

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As a parent, how I think about and view mental health has to adapt to encompass my children. How I teach them, model for them, show up for them, to ensure that they have the tools to show up for themselves. In doing it for myself, they can learn how to be successful on their own journey of nurturing their minds, bodies, and spirits. To learn to give themselves grace. And hope. And faith for brighter days ahead.

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I was also reminded that I must continuously give myself grace. In those terrifying days, I began to count the mistakes I had made to lead us to that point. I think quite often as parents, we start to play the blame game on ourselves. But that wasn’t healthy for me or my son, so, I stopped and took a breath and I reminded myself, this is just part of the journey.

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A journey we are on together. Me and my son. And our whole family for that matter. We all know there will be good days and bad days ahead, and yet we will celebrate the good and hold each other tight in the bad. Most of all, we will keep moving forward. Keep having conversations. Keep showing up for each other. And keep prioritizing our mental health.

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This is what #StudentMentalHealthWeek has meant to me. And I hope it has meant something to you. And never forget, it gets better.

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