Lifting each other up

Dear Happiness & Leadership Community,

My classmate Lily Chang and I were thrilled yesterday to kick-off "Section W" for the women in our business school class - our purpose is to lift each other up. One of the things that came up in our discussion is the importance of human connection and the energy that comes from in-person engagement.

In this week's column which I share in full below, I share my interview with 美国麻省理工学院 - 斯隆管理学院 . I liken in-person meetings to exercise - both take effort to fit in our schedule, but most always provide an energizing return.

Earlier this month, I had the chance to speak with Jaclyn Selby and the MIT Sloan School of Management community on my favorite topic, Happiness & Leadership.?I shared my personal story and why I have put so many years into the study of Positive Psychology.?

Why I started my Happiness Journey & HappinessWorks?

My keen interest in studying happiness started nearly a decade ago for purely personal reasons - due to my fear of being thrown into despondency in becoming an empty nester. More recently my studies have been reenergized after coming out of a very dark place, a severe depressive episode.?I realized that the science of positive psychology works, but it takes ongoing work.?

Why I have created and now teach HappinessWorks? … Giving this knowledge to others is not only good for my audience, but is also a virtuous cycle as it provides meaning and purpose in my life.

This week I am wrapping up Arthur Brooks’?Managing Happiness, the HarvardX online course available to everyone.?He also teaches the oversubscribed Leadership & Happiness course at Harvard Business School and is author of?From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life.?

Arthur, along with Tal Ben-Shahar, is one of my two happiness teachers.?Arthur’s mentor is the Dalai Lama, which makes His Holiness, my grand-teacher!???

A Virtuous Cycle

Arthur often quotes what he has learned about the meaning of Happiness from His Holiness -?to earn your success and to serve others.?And earning success is by creating value and serving others.?The main purpose of our life is to help others.?And doing so will provide us with happiness. A virtuous cycle.

In my interview with MIT, Jaclyn and I touch on many topics including:

• Why happiness leads to success, not the other way around.
• The virtuous cycle of happiness and self-confidence.?
• The importance of vulnerability, trust, and empathy in forming close knit relationships, and being a good leader.
• Why knowing thyself is the essence of leadership and how revealing blind spots can improve leadership.?
• The?importance of goal setting for yourself, not others and intrinsic versus extrinsically motivated goals.

Hybrid Impact on Happiness

The audience asked many good questions.?One that comes up time and time again is the impact of COVID and hybrid work on happiness.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted, showed that strong relationships are what make a life fulfilling and meaningful. And to earn your success in the workplace, having a positive impact on people is key.??

Relationships are like Exercise - the work provides energy

Jeffrey Hall, professor of communication studies and director of the Relationships and Technology Lab at the University of Kansas, has proven that technology is no substitute for meeting in person.?While research shows that face-to-face interactions may feel like a lot more work, in reality, they’re more energizing. The more you put in, the more you get back.?It’s like exercising, the more you do it, the better you feel.?

While it is easier to snooze your alarm and skip your exercise, the investment in working out will actually make you more awake and energized. Keeping your exercise time sacred will help all the other parts of your life. This is true also for relationships.??

While eating at your desk may seem efficient, taking the time away from your office to talk to a friend will deepen that relationship. Having a handful of friends that you can call at any time without an appointment is a key ingredient to a fulfilled life.?

Snack Food versus Nutritious Meal

Texting and social media are like snack food, they satisfy your immediate craving but leave you wanting.?

Real world in-person conversation is like cooking a nutritious meal, it requires more work but leaves you satiated and healthy.?The end result is better physical and mental health.

A phone call beats email and a video call?is better for connecting than a phone call. But an in-person meeting beats them all.?Technology certainly has enabled work to be conducted effectively and efficiently across borders like never before. I am grateful for what video technology is enabling. It is even more common now for clients in other parts of the nation or world to approach me for coaching.?

I think that texting and email and Zooms are great reinforcements and allow ongoing dialogue when there is the anchor established through an in-person connection. That is why I like to start all new client work, even if it requires travel, with an in-person session.?

I have found that it is hard to beat in-person for deepening relationships, developing new ideas, and furthering progress. While hybrid has enabled many more possibilities, I always encourage whenever possible to pepper in in-person to boost your connection and renew the energy.

Who can you meet in-person instead of Zoom and call instead of text or email?