A Lifetime Commitment

This article is intensely personal although I believe it is also appropriate given the subject matter of the cause I am supporting, as it deals with simultaneously honouring a lifetime commitment whilst maintaining personal wellbeing.

Many of you will already know that we lost Lyne nearly three years ago after a seesawing battle with cancer that encompassed 32 years of our 40-year marriage.

Lyne was incredibly brave and perpetually positive whilst also being pragmatic and selfless to a fault, with no "why me" moments and no extravagant requests, preferring family time to loads of travel and gifts.

During Lyne's illness, we were fortunate to own our family home, and coming from a background of adoption and losing her father at a very early age combined with her accelerating deterioration, Lyne occasionally would convey her one remaining wish.

Lyne was very clear that she did not wish to see our daughter's and grandchildren's inheritance eroded or lost by my choice to "shack up with some gold digger" when she was gone. Strong words from a strong lady.

To provide some context, during our long marriage and Lyne's ongoing battle with disease and frequent (and sometimes lengthy) hospitalisation, whilst I sometimes flirted and was tempted, I never crossed the line to infidelity, so this message (almost direction) was a little confronting but was parked whilst Lyne's care was our paramount concern.

In the period since Lyne's passing, several friends have kindly attempted "introductions" yet this one, powerful wish combined with my protracted personal grief, has consistently thwarted their attempts.

Whilst the grief will always be there in some form, I now realise that my days of romance and physical connection have passed, as my determination to honour Lyne's one real wish combined with my growing selfishness trumps all. This decision comes with significant challenges.

The path to accepting this decision when combined with some personal health hiccups and all that life throws at any of us, as well as a mind that never stops questioning, challenging and exploring, has led to times where darkness and depression leap out from nowhere and stubbornly refuse to leave. When Lyne was alive and on her journey, my focus was on her and making sure we could extract as much joy from the time we had and the circumstances we had.

When Lyne had gone, I had time to spend on me, and that is a challenge.

I am extremely fortunate that I have the tools and support systems to catch and address approaching depression, but many are not as lucky.

I have a strong and supportive family, great friends who I can speak openly about all sorts of real issues, golf, exercise, some work, and several voluntary outlets, with this recipe getting me through.

Way too many in our communities' struggle and ultimately fail when presented with their own brand of challenges that triggers darkness and invites depression, often as they don't have people who they trust implicitly to be there when needed, to consistently check in, and listen with understanding and compassion rather than judgement, criticism, or a desire to "cure".

The Good Blokes Society 9 Hour Walk and other similar initiatives alone will not resolve these challenges, but they will raise awareness of the breadth and depth of this issue, it will raise funds to support research and support services, and most importantly, it sends a strong signal to all who are dealing with that black dog that many people do care, and there is hope for a better life and outcome.