Lifequakes

The sirens suddenly come to life, knocking Penelope and Nora out of their chairs. They dash to their lockers and begin searching for their gear. They pull on their bright orange rescue suits with silver reflective tape to make themselves visible in an emergency. Following that are boots, which have a cushioned rubber sole to reduce skeletal impact injuries. They then put on their lime yellow helmets designed to be sturdy yet as lightweight as possible. "Testing coms," Penelope speaks to the helmet-mounted microphone. "Roger that Captain," Nora responds. Finally, they wear their Nomex flight gloves and proceed to the heliport outside the base. Marc has already positioned himself alongside the red and white AgustaWestland Da Vinci helicopter. In a matter of seconds, the search and rescue team is airborne.

Penelope has been a helicopter pilot for more than two decades. She is in charge of the aircraft and ensures that the mission is completed precisely, quickly, and safely. If necessary, she assists in the care of the casualty at the accident site and communicates with the Operations Center. Nora is half her age, but she’s already a seasoned paramedic. She assists in the cockpit by operating the navigation and radio equipment. She provides first aid on the ground and operates the rescue hoist when the helicopter is unable to land next to the injured person. Marc graduated a few years before Nora. As the emergency flight physician, he is responsible for the patients' medical care. He examines and stabilizes their vital functions, determines whether they are fit for transport, and selects the most appropriate hospital.

The drill goes well, and the three of them are soon enjoying a hot cup of coffee at their headquarters. "I'm always curious how the people we assist recover. And I don't just mean physically; I mean mentally and emotionally," Nora says. "I'm not sure I could handle the uncertainty that some of the victims we rescue face after the initial shock," she adds. " True that," Marc says. "I also wouldn't know where to begin moving forward in my life. I'd probably spend my days longing for the past and terrified of the future," he muses.

"Life means transition," Penelope says, peering out the kitchenette window. "Any change that has a significant impact on our life, any adjustment that alters our sense of self, and any shift that modifies our purpose is a life transition," she continues. “There are some that are purely voluntary and exciting, such as graduating from high school, starting our first job, and getting married. Then there are the natural transitions we go through, which aren't always pleasant. For instance, puberty, an "empty nest," and retirement. Finally, there are forced transitions such as a loved one's death, breakups, being fired, failing in business, and, of course, life-changing accidents. Forced transitions are especially difficult because they require us to let go of the familiar and face the future with a sense of vulnerability. Needless to say, they can be painful and damaging, requiring a great deal of energy and courage from us to adapt to the new situation."

According to Bruce Feiler, author of Life Is in the Transitions, massive life disruptions, or "lifequakes," as he calls them, strike us at our core. They set in motion transitions, which are fundamentally meaning-making exercises that invite us to revise and retell our life stories. The lifequake itself may be negative, but the story we tell about it must have an optimistic and forward-looking ending. That’s the most important lesson of all; we have control over the stories we tell about our forced transitions. Instead of viewing them as periods to be endured, we should see them as opportunities to shed unwanted aspects of our personalities and rebuild stronger, happier lives.

This all sounds wonderful, but there’s a catch. A forced life transition entails a loss of control, unpredictability, and the fear that things will get worse. In other words, uncertainty, as Nora implies in the story. Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, authors of Big Feelings, point out that when we deconstruct uncertainty, we discover that the emotion at its core is fear. Brain activity in the area that processes emotions spikes when we don't know what's going to happen, and, as a result, we spiral. This causes a mismatch between how stressed we are about something happening and the likelihood of it happening. There’s one fundamental step we must take to work through our fear: stop and sit with it. When we're in full panic mode, the desire to do something, anything, can be overwhelming. However, studies show that strong emotions only last about 90 seconds. Thus, the best advice for dealing with fear is to resist our natural urge to flee discomfort, force ourselves to pause, and then tell ourselves, “This will pass," and count to 90.

After dealing with the anxiety and uncertainty that comes with a forced transition, the next task is to address Marc's comments about not having a plan for moving forward. Michael Watkins, the best-selling author of The First 90 Days, has a lot to teach us about making a successful transition. In his opinion, the goal of any transition is to get as close to the break-even point, or to balance, as possible. To do so, we must first reduce the likelihood of failure by avoiding transition traps such as sticking with what we know, acting for the sake of acting, and setting unrealistic expectations. Then there are three key methods to follow through on. To begin, make a written plan of what we want to accomplish by the end of the first day, week, and month. This plan will be hazy, but just starting to plan will help us clear our heads. The exercise can then be repeated for the 60- and 90-day marks. Second, secure early wins to generate momentum in the short term and lay the groundwork for achieving our long-term objectives. Finally, keep track of our progress. Ultimately, our success or failure will be determined by all of the small decisions we make along the way.

Processing forced transitions is a difficult task. They can cause helplessness and stress if handled incorrectly. Protecting our mental health during times of transition can improve our perspective on the process. One method, according to Mental Health America, is to concentrate on what we can control. Knowing, for example, that we have control over how we react to situations, no matter what is thrown at us, can be reassuring. Furthermore, seeking support from friends and family or a mental health professional can help us see that we are part of a larger group of people who are willing to assist us and that we are not alone in this. Finally, it's important to remember that we've survived other forced transitions in the past. Big changes tend to challenge and test us, but we're strong and capable, and we'll grow from everything we face, just as we have in the past.

A few years have passed. Penelope, Nora, and Marc no longer work together because they were abruptly replaced by what their superiors referred to as “a more cost-effective setup" (i.e., underpaid, part-time volunteers). Marc's husband couldn't deal with the financial stress of his unemployment and left him just as he was about to start a new job at his local clinic. He has made it to Chief Physician and now lives happily with his new partner. As for Nora, her relocation to a new city, combined with her initial feelings of fear and loneliness, dragged her into a deep depression. Fortunately, a trained therapist has helped her feel heard and understood, as well as provided her with positive coping skills to manage her emotions. Finally, Penelope's exceptional career as a rescue helicopter pilot resulted in several interesting job offers when she needed them. She decided to join a non-profit organization in an earthquake-prone area to assist those in need. During her first assignment, the aircraft she was flying experienced technical malfunctions in midair and fell to the ground. She survived but lost one of her legs as a result of the accident. Penelope accepted her new reality quickly and let go of the past. She’s now a flight instructor, a role she loves very much.

What are your thoughts on Penelope, Nora, and Marc's experiences? Are you upset with their forced life transitions and how unfair they were to them? Or are you pleased with how their lives turned out in the end? Remember that we have control over the stories we tell about our forced transitions. Even if the lifequakes we face are devastating, maintaining a positive narrative is critical to finding meaning and reshaping our purpose. I leave you with an anonymous quote that fits the topic perfectly: "When transitions shake you to the core, see that as a sign of greatness that’s about to occur."

Author: Esteban Polidura, CFA. October 22, 2022.

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