Life & Work: How Generational Trauma Can Manifest as Co-dependency

I don't know about you, but I always felt like I needed to be the "fixer" in my family. I needed to be there for everyone, listen to everyone, and try and solve other people's problems.

What I didn't realize was the impact it was having on my mental health. When I failed at helping others, I would become frustrated and, in some cases, angry.

I would ask myself, why are they still doing "XYZ" after I told them "ABC"?

It became a vicious cycle of me telling them what they needed, them agreeing (in some cases), only for them to do it all over again, and me repeating the lecture, hoping that THIS time it would stick.

It wasn't until later in my mid-twenties that I realized I was co-dependent. My desire to "fix" people and solve their problems was a problem in and of itself. I also discovered that by focusing on others' issues, I unconsciously avoided addressing my own unhealed wounds.

It has taken MANY years, but I now know that I must take care of my unhealed trauma and learn to accept and love myself before I can ever genuinely help another. I realized that genuine help looks vastly different than we think.

It's not about telling, advising, or being attached to others' issues and emotions. In fact, genuinely helping can give the appearance of dismissiveness, though it is not. It does so because we realize that we can only bring to light things to help develop awareness for another person. Once they are made aware, our job is done. All we can do is hold space if needed, but no words would be required.

In a professional context, this pattern of codependency can manifest similarly. It's common to see individuals feeling the need to be the "problem solver" on their teams, always stepping in to tackle issues that colleagues are facing. While seemingly beneficial, this tendency can create an unhealthy dynamic and take a toll on one’s well-being. When colleagues continue to meet the same challenges despite your advice, it can lead to frustration and, in some cases, resentment.

This pattern can also lead to distraction from your job responsibilities. By being overly engrossed in others' tasks and problems, you might overlook your own work-related challenges and potential areas for personal growth. Over time, you might realize that this desire to always "fix" others is a form of codependency in the workplace.

True assistance in a professional environment is less about dictating solutions and more about facilitating awareness. It's not about being absorbed in others' tasks but helping them recognize their potential to tackle issues. This might seem indifferent on the surface, but it's actually a more sustainable way of promoting a healthy and productive work environment. It involves stepping back after providing insights, giving colleagues the space to put the advice into action autonomously, and focusing on your own tasks and personal development.

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