Life is wildly complex. Life is staggeringly simple.
Suzy Welch
NYU Stern Professor | Director of the NYU Initiative on Purpose and Flourishing | 3X NYT Best-Selling Author | Creator of the self-discovery method, “Becoming You," and 10-10-10, a values-based decision tool.
Yep, both. At the same time.?
I’ve always believed this paradox to be true, but never more than recently. Because I made a post across social media that said, “Stay away from toxic people,” and was swamped by hundreds and hundreds of comments about just how hard that advice is in real life.??
I agree! With both! Everyone knows that toxic people rob you of your sanity, bit-by-agonizing-bit. And everyone knows that somehow, it’s still very hard to separate from them. Especially at work. Oh, and at home too.?
Because toxic people are clever, aren’t they? They hurt you until you can’t take it anymore, and then just when you’re about to bolt, they lure you back in with goodness, or kindness, or whatever it was that drew you to them in the first place.
I was giving a speech not long ago, and afterward a young man waited a long time in line to speak to me alone. His boss, he told me at last, was driving him crazy with his snarky, borderline cruel micromanaging ways, and yet my new friend said he loved his job and coworkers, and the money wasn’t just good, it was a necessity. “Don’t tell me to leave,” he said, “tell me how to cope.”
I tried. Focus on the meaning of the work. Strengthen your other relationships. Find a survival mantra. And finally, don’t hate your manager, pity him, because the old saying is true, “Hurt people hurt people.” He himself is in some sort of pain.
As we said our goodbyes, I was reminded that one of the simplest and hardest things we ever do in life is create a safe place for ourselves, where we can be authentic and grow.?
My post, incidentally, was about María Branyas Morera, the oldest woman in the world, who died on August 19 at 117 years old. In her last days, she left a list of the elements she believed contributed to her longevity. Among them: Order, tranquility, and nature.
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“And staying away from toxic people.”
My post essentially said, “Amen to that!”
Then the comments – nearly 2,000 – started to pour in with all their, “Yes, but…”
As I said, I get it. I’ve lived it.?
But don’t take this as a retreat. Maria was right. As right as you can be. Get away from bad people. It’s staggeringly simple.?
And despite all the complexity of real life, keep trying anyway.
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Empowering public agencies to realize Vision 2030 objectives | Providing strategic direction for multinational corporations (MNCs) | Real Estate Investment | Trade & Investment Facilitation Lead at KPMG
6 个月Suzy, I completely agree. Toxic people can drain your energy, yet breaking free from them is often difficult, especially in unavoidable situations. While it’s essential to avoid them whenever possible, I believe it’s equally important to cultivate the skills to manage these interactions when separation isn’t an option. If we don’t learn how to handle toxic individuals, we risk continuously avoiding and running away from necessary confrontations, which can limit personal growth.
National Life Sciences Business Development Leader at RSM US LLP, Board of Advisors
6 个月I’m going to try to register for your class. To me, you can lead others out of hate by not hating, but many don’t follow. When I starve for better influence (when I’ve been around hate too much)-I seek outside. But that go to, for me, is not another employer. So I’ll take your class to be around the more positive
Award-winning personal finance journalist
6 个月??
Director of Finance | CPA, MBA, Manufacturing
6 个月If you were to leave every job that had a toxic co-worker you would make yourself unemployable after a few years, as almost every job will have one. Okay, if that toxic person is your boss, then consider leaving, OTHERWISE talk with your trusted circle (and perhaps HR) to develop a healthy strategy.?Unless you are a very tough and confident streetfighter, it’s probably best to avoid and ignore the toxic co-worker as much as possible and FOCUS on doing your job professionally and competently.??
Creating Creators; Georgetown Professor & Founder of Manuscripts
6 个月What a thought-provoking post! It's fascinating how life's complexity and simplicity coexist. Navigating relationships, especially avoiding toxic ones, truly highlights this paradox. I'll definitely check out your newsletter for more insights. Thanks for sharing! ????