A life well lived...

What would you say, it takes to ensure a life well lived?

Longevity?

Success?

Happiness?

Strong Relationships?

I really don't know myself besides being of service to others - helping them to see their amazingness - so why am I creating an article on 'a life well lived' you may ask?

Having written the below eulogy for my 21 year old son, Delsin - was one of the hardest pieces of work I have created. In the depth of grief, there is a beauty of pure rawness to see life for what it truly is... a celebration of every experience, story, memory and life that was touched by him 'being' - and I would like to share it with you.

Here I stand in disbelief, it still doesn’t feel real.

If only it was a bad dream – a nightmare – and if only we could all just wake up – hey look, here he comes… just walking in that door.

But he won’t – as he lies here waiting for us to wake up and accept, that he has walked on…

Too many people have said, he was too young – such a short life.

21 years is too young to die… but they are wrong!

Our boy, has lived a full life – more than most 70 year olds.

21 years equals 252 months, which is 7665 days.

To fully immerse himself in 183,960 hours of life is 11,037,600 minutes.

He lived a lifetime of experiences.

Some of you here today will remember our gorgeous blonde haired little boy, traipsing across Australia and the world.

Others have known the brash talking and greasy long-haired teenager – with an attitude.

And some of you here today know the man, with the short back and sides; the 'skullett' or this straggly reddish beard with his shaved head… politically incorrect… loud but hard-working guy.

Sit back and take a deep breathe

I want to help you understand that a short life lived, does not mean he has missed out on anything.

As I look around at everyone here today and know that so many people watching would be by our side in a heartbeat, it’s time to celebrate a life well lived.

When we are all together (at the wake today) or further down the track, I really want to hear all the crazy, funny, shocking and silly stories of the man he was, from you.

With a lifetime of experiences:

He was born in Ethelton here in Adelaide with little frog toes, lived in Moe Victoria, Karratha, Kalumburu, Darwin (where we house-shared 3 places and had our own), back to Karratha, then living out of a campervan for 18mths travelling across Australia, to stop in Mackay, live in Jabiru, Nepal, Cambodia and Malaysia… and finally here in Adelaide for the past 10 years, living in 4 different houses.

He’d attended six different primary schools and 2 high schools, spent a year being home-schooled and one year just traveling and writing in his journals about his experiences.. and every entry ended his day with being tired, “so he went to bed”

The things he saw, most people don’t believe!

His Grade 2 teacher in Darwin, told us he had a great imagination… dad shooting a bush turkey up the bum and dodging crocodiles… what stories… until we pointed out… it’s true!

?From seeing the world’s biggest flower the rafflesia, proboscis monkeys and pygmy elephants in the wild jungles of Borneo, he’d spent time with pink dolphins, feeding stingrays, watching whales, saving snails, dodging crocodiles, swimming with Nemo, seals and (unfortunately as bad parents) he’d been in the water with hammerhead and tiger sharks! Whoops!

He’d kayaked with our local Port Adelaide dolphins and saw some of the world’s 12 last Irrawaddy dolphins in Laos; riding elephants through the jungle of Nepal, chasing rhinos and lucky to see the flash of one of the world’s last wild tigers with Matt.

He’s had 2 pet lizards (harry potter the blue tongue) and Surge, the bearded dragon sits at home waiting. He played with rhino beetles, caught bats and even had a pet scorpion in Sabah – until it escaped out of a cardboard box, much to the disgust of the hotel guests!

Experiencing fish and foot massages with the loudest of laughter, shocked to see goats sitting on bus roofs but taking it in his stride, as he travelled on the bus roof himself to remote Nepalese villages.

He didn’t hesitate to jump on ferries, dodgy boats up the Mekong, riding funiculars, buses, rickshaws, motorbikes, tuk tuks, camels, elephants, helicopters, along with too many buses, trains and taxis.

From snow city in Singapore, to trekking in the Himalayas and remote Arnhem land camping dodging crocs and learning culture, he’s sat in a snow covered cave listening to the wisdom of Baba Gurung, jumped of jetties into the South China Sea with the local kids, explored rare limestone caves on Balambangan Island with a Datu (lord), and headed off to Taiwan to play Pokémon Go in a park by himself over 5 days, with half a million other people just as he turned 18 years old..

Yes – we did our job!

He’s eaten snails, insects, mouse deer, bush turkey, sea turtle, crayfish, durian, magpie goose, wombat… and unfortunately… possibly dog! He’s taken one for the team with trying bad and really good Asian KFC… and unfortunately he’ll never know just how much ‘vegan’ food he has really eaten besides Little BanBan’s fake chicken!

Not much of a fashionista, he rarely wanted new clothes or shoes – wearing the same DC sneakers since he was 14, ?he lived in his ‘Spicy’ or ‘Clash of Clans’ t-shirts which were well-tattered but they went well with his shorts and thongs. It was a great surprise when he designed and ordered a handmade ‘god’ suit in Pokhara for Christmas – a white with black lapel extravagant attire, worn with his thongs…

He wasn’t much of a sports person, so proud of his 6 year old soccer trophy, I think awarded for his skills in skipping around the field. His boxing mug from Tiny’s Gym lives on the top shelf, as he loved and was really good at boxing.. but after a break due to long work hours, he was too scared to go back into the gym as he couldn’t bare to know, if the old legendary Tiny had died yet.

He got to see his favourite cricketers at the Boxing Day test, through to unique Tibetan archery competitions in Muktinath, and dragon boat races in Laos.

?Dragging him through the mundane classes of Year 12 in 2017, he’d already had his first job working at Eagle Boys ?for the free pizza – the boss couldn’t believe he didn’t know how to use a normal phone to ring back customers… and when he scored a job on Adelaide’s biggest construction project (the T2T), he was proud to tell his old teachers that he was earning more than they were!

He worked hard and had a great work ethic, with 16 jobs across 5 different industries, he had finally found his place.. with Bianco Precast seeing his potential and offering him a Leading Hand role within 5 months of starting – he was up at 3:30am every morning – excited to get to work.

A week after his passing, Matt and I had the privilege to see his work section and it gave us great peace to know he’d found an amazing family-run business to give him the work stability he yearned for. As his boss explained the different concrete products he made,

I saw our boy’s life plan.

Most of us ask ‘Why are we here on earth - What’s life about?‘, right?

Well in this factory, I could see he was here to build the foundations that were unseen, hidden away (slabs, drains, pits and culverts) so that something strong, durable and everlasting could be built upon.

Without these civil foundations there are no buildings, infrastructure like roads, bridges or cities. Without construction workers like him, no one would have access or shelter – there would be no community.

And this goes with relationships.

The simple act of connecting with others, coming from a place of pure love, joy and laughter starts with the construction of friendships and strong foundations to help others grow.

We all thrive when we know our place in this world. Where we fit, our community. When we meet someone who recognises us for the person we truly are – we rejoice in the knowing we have found our tribe, our mob, our people, our soul group.

His oneness and sensitivity for the world around him coupled with his life experiences, created a brashness of sorts, to challenge the status quo.

If he pushed your buttons, left you shocked, frustrated or tense… he’d done his job!

It wasn’t about him at all – what was he helping you to see, learn or understand… about you?

When you couldn’t see your potential, your gifts, your future – he was there to lift or push you – but it was ultimately your role, your decision, your life – again he shone his light for you to see, and then stepped back, waiting and watching you grow.

No judgement, no expectation - just love.

He gave much respect to his elders, even when they appeared in younger bodies, he could see his mentors and teachers so clearly – and he would not suffer fools – looking straight through them with that smirk of ‘I’m not playing your game’ even though he’d play them like an instrument, winding them up – little bugger.

He saw the hidden angels too, and wore his heart on his sleeve. A bit of a genius our Delly boy… what a wonderful gift he was, for us all…

It’s rare to find those who understand us but when we do, there is a deep relief and sense of peace.

He saw this uniqueness, and accepted us for who we are – he could see our light and helped us to amplify it. Nothing more – nothing less.

He was wise beyond his years.

Some people can spend the culmination of their entire life searching for the answers, without seeing that it’s just about ‘being’ – we are here for a human experience of every emotion, the full rainbow, rollercoaster; crazy fucking ride – and it’s just about holding on for dear life. Being able to roll with the punches, laugh at adversity, and cry with love, loss and the gift of knowing this wonderful man.

He’d want you to fully immerse yourself in the full experience, boots and all.

Grief is the final act of love, we grieve today deeply because we loved him deeply and that is the gift he has given to us all.

He truly is his namesake

He is so

Wealthy gentleman

He will laugh

*****

Writing your own eulogy can have a profound impact on most people. It creates a sense of urgency and clarity. As Steve Jobs said, 'only the big choices remain meaningful in the face of death. Small embarrassing moments, things that didn’t go exactly as planned, missed dinner parties - all of these fade away, only leaving the big picture and the important decisions.'

Write your eulogy

Imagine your body sitting lifeless in a coffin while your friends and family sit around it. Not matter your religious or philosophical beliefs, it is something hard to contemplate. What will people say? What will they remember? What do you want your life to say about the person you were?

Answering these questions may help you draft an outline:

• Culture.?Where were you born? What are some interesting anecdotes about your childhood, or aspects of your culture that shaped you?
• Education.?Where did you go to school? Did you ever go back to school? Were you self-taught? What did you study? What kind of student were you?
• Locations.?From childhood to retirement, where did you live? Did you stay put or did you explore the world? What kind of places did you enjoy most?
• Work.?What did you do for work? What kind of teammate were you? Did you stay at the same company, or did you work at various places? Did you start a company? If so, how did it go? Did you win any awards for your work?
• Relationships.?Did you have a small or a large group of friends? Did you ever get married? Did you have kids? What kind of relationship did you have with them? Were you often in touch with your family?
• Hobbies.?Did you have any side projects? Hobbies you enjoyed outside of work? Were these solo hobbies or did you invite friends or family to join you? Any noteworthy accomplishments?
• Personality.?What did people admire the most about you? What did they enjoy the most when spending time with you? What were some compliments you often received? What are some times you helped people in a way they will remember? What will people miss the most about you?

It’s very important that you don’t rush when answering these questions. Find some place quiet where you won’t get disturbed, and project yourself in the future.?

Work backwards to take action

When you’re done, give it a read, again in a quiet place. If you don’t feel any emotion while reading it, you may want to give it another pass. Your life’s narrative should feel meaningful and important to you.?

The next step is to take action. Break down the content of your eulogy into do-able actions you can take towards these goals. What are the everyday habits you can create so this eulogy rings true on the day of your funeral? What are some small things you can change today to bring you closer to bringing this narrative to life?

The idea is not to plan your whole life - this would make no sense. Instead, you should think of tiny wins and small habits you can control today, which will compound over the course of your lifetime. Whenever you feel lost or unsure what to do next, read your own eulogy.?

At the end of the day, we don't know how long we have in this life, what would or could you do differently to have a life well lived?

Would you wait until tomorrow to start?

Could you help a young person shine and share their amazingness?

In Delsin's honour, my legacy is to assist all young people by helping them learn how to share their stories and step into a career that continues to shine a light on their uniqueness - if you'd like to know more, reach out.