LIFE - A Simple Complexity

I am quite enjoying being in my fifties.

The stage of your life when all of the elements, if not quite come together, get as close are they are probably going to.

It is the brow of the hill of life. You are old enough to look back and be reflective and wise, but still young enough to be adventurous and set some still to-do targets for the years just ahead. At 56 I appear to have a better grasp of my life than I ever did previously. I tend to have an overriding sense of calm and appreciation that underpins most days, no matter what individual trials and challenges those days will bring. But at 56 I am also still running about 20 miles a week, going to the occasional rock concert and able to hold my end up at the bar on the rare occasion when I need to. In a nice contrast I also go into a church every day. I make sure I make a daily space to reflect and appreciate and to plan.

So I still seem to be doing, in my 50’s, most of the things I was doing in my 20’s and 30’s. Perhaps, if I get there, the 60’s will be just the same.

I hope so.

I hope I won’t be trading in my running for stamp collecting. Or the Smashing Pumpkins for Barry Manilow!

But the big difference in my 50’s is that coupled with an appreciation of life, I also seem to be looking more towards the end of my life, and whatever may be beyond that, than I ever did before. That’s the “brow of the hill” bit.

16 years ago I got ready to die. It was the elephant in the room. I managed, eventually, to escape from the room but I will never let myself lose the extra dimension my mindset gained from the encounter. I had a long conversation with the elephant and surprised myself that,in the end, I wasn't afraid of his presence so close to me.

My 50’s seem to be reminding me that if I did escape from the room it was only on a temporary basis. I emerged out into the remainder of the jungle but I know he is still in here somewhere. One day I will push away a few large Monstera Deliciosa leaves and there he will be again. There may still be a few optional routes around him for a while but I have reached the stage of life where I know you can’t hide from the biggest animal in a small jungle, forever. We will meet again.

But the great gift the 50’s has brought me is complete ease with all of this thinking. If I wasn’t afraid of the elephant 16 years ago, I’m not going to be afraid of him now. And now that I am at ease the extra dimension I have is that I am starting to think more about what will happen after I meet him for the final time.

I have written previously that I am a huge believer in heaven. It is the perfect answer to all of the problems I see no solution for. And we have many problems in this world that we have no answers for. It appears they won’t or can’t be solved by the world we know. Apart from any religious beliefs I have, the planet earth I see in my 50’s seems to give almost practical credence to the existence of heaven. Something perfect, something right, something beyond the struggle that most of our lives seem to have transpired to be. The earth is a wonderful creation that is way beyond us. It just happens to spin on its axis every 24 hours to give us day to live and night to rest. Then it rotates around the sun every 12 months to give us Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter. All of that is way beyond anything we are capable of. But the common aspirations of good and love and happiness that we all strive for here, and that unite us all, only seem to be attained in fleeting dispatches, rather than anything permanent and tangible. We live on an amazing planet and, in the main, tend to be good people, trying to do our best but perfect fulfillment always seems to be just slightly beyond our grasp.

For me, all of that has to come together one day. For me, that will be heaven.

So heaven fascinates me these days. I am only equipped to think of it in earthly terms because they are the only pieces of lego I have. One of my favorite impressions is that heaven will be the earth perfect. This world, exactly as we know it, but without all the bad things. There will be no injustice or wars or hate or poverty or earthquakes. There will be no need for police or prisons or guns or locks on doors or lawyers.

I will be able to go and visit all the wonderful places that I won’t get to see this time around. The Cleveland Browns will win the Superbowl. In fact, if I want them to, they will win it every day.

But more than anything else heaven will be a people place. A wonderful people place. A place where people will only be wonderful.

The way we should be. The way we are.

I am hoping to sit down with the many people I see currently in distress, in a little bar, in a little village, in Peru or Zambia or Nepal, and enjoying that they are smiling again. Heaven will be all of those things and way more that we could ever hope to understand.

So not only am I not afraid to die, but a little part of me is actually looking forward to dying. I pray to God that it will be the start of the greatest adventure of all. The Cleveland Browns and the Smashing Pumpkins will keep me going until then, but I long for the day when all of the unexplained things I now see in our world in my 50’s, will make perfect, wonderful sense.

All you need is love. And Heaven will be the place where nothing will ever get in the way of love again.