MINDSET FOR LEADERSHIP // LIFE OPERATING SYSTEM (LIFE OS)

In this fourth article in the ‘Mindset for Leadership’ series we explore the ‘Life Operating System’. The Life OS is a framework to help us understand how we experience the world, how we act in that world and the impact that can have on our life and leadership.

Where psychometrics allow us to get a better ‘horizontal’ understanding of who we are and how we prefer to communicate, the Life OS is more concerned with evolving ‘vertically’ and focused more on the ‘Aspirational-Self’ (see first article). Essentially, it builds our awareness so we can become an even more awesome version of ourselves.?

Like the operating system on your laptop or phone, the idea is to recognise which aspects of the system are working, what ‘bugs’ might be in the system that are getting in the way, and ideally look for incremental upgrades over time.?

1.0. What influences your Life OS??

Essentially, the greatest influence on how you experience and interact with the world is your own personal history. I love this quote from Gabor Mate who I was lucky enough to do some of my education with:

“Our mind creates the world, but before that, the world creates our mind.”

Your early life experiences, how you were parented, what you received love and approval for, the people you’ve hung out with, the culture and society you’ve grown up in, the mentors and role models you’ve known, your education and work experience, the highs and lows of your life so far, have all influenced your Life OS.

It’s important to remember however:?

The past influences our present, but it doesn’t dictate our future.?

With awareness comes choice. The Life OS is all about bringing these aspects up into the conscious mind, then having the option to choose slightly differently.

2.0. The Life OS Framework

I’ll be sharing the model in it’s simplest format which suggests a number of ‘Evolutions’ with associated typical behaviours and experiences. It’s important to recognise that all models are wrong, but some are useful. You are much more interesting and nuanced than any model can accurately explain, but this gives us a framework to explore, a language to explain, and can generate a number of questions to reflect upon.

The ‘Evolutions’ are presented vertically, with the more difficult and less fun at the bottom, rising to the more evolved and fulfilling at the top:

Flowing

Inspiring

Thriving

Opening Up

Driving

Striving

Surviving

It’s important to point out that the human experience spans all of these levels. We have, and will continue to, experience the various different elements associated with all these levels. Being at a ‘lower’ level is not inherently a bad thing. Indeed, at certain times in our lives it’s completely appropriate to be experiencing them for a period of time, the trick is not to get stuck there longterm. We’ll come back to that later. It’s also important to recognise that we don’t just stay at one level. It could be that even in the same conversation you experience many different levels.

I’ll share some more specific elements to a give better understanding of the levels before we reflect upon it. We’ll start with ‘Surviving’ and work our way up through all the evolutions to the highest level ‘Flowing’.

2.1. Surviving

When operating at the Surviving level it’s not fun. You might experience anxiety and stress, you might feel depressed, you might have a sense of overwhelm, burnout and hopelessness. The language you use might be ‘I can’t’ and you’re most likely driven by the emotion of fear. When fully at this level you can’t think clearly and you’re just about hanging in there.?

Nudge: You experience these things, you are not these things.

2.2. Striving

At the Striving level you are quite literally striving for more. It feels a bit more hopeful that the previous level as you are taking action, but it can also bring a feeling of not being enough, anger that you’re not there yet, and blaming yourself and/or others for getting in the way of success. There might be a language around ‘I want’ or ‘I need’ and a feeling of frustration. This is often characterised by ‘up-stream effort’ or forcing. Essentially, you want reality to be a particular way and don’t like it if it isn’t. It’s OK to strive for more if you don’t like your circumstances, but it can be exhausting and feel pretty heavy if it’s constant.

Nudge: ’Enough’ is a superpower.?

2.3. Driving

Organisational life celebrates much of Driving and it’s often associated with ‘high performance’ and traditional ‘leadership’. This is quite a nuanced level as many of the aspects can be expressed positively, but can also start to get in the way if overdone. Having control, being assertive, defending points of view, competing, achieving outcomes and being confident are all associated with this level. This level feeds the ego, but the ego can then start to be a blocker. I describe the ego as ‘the story we tell ourselves about ourselves’. This serves a purpose up to a point, but defending this at all costs becomes exhausting and can push people away. When under pressure in an organisational context often people retreat to this level.

Nudge: You don’t have to be strong or right all the time.

2.4. Opening Up

Ahhhh, now things can feel a little lighter. This can be a big leap for many, but it’s often when your body and mind can finally breathe. You recognise you can let go of some of the control, be more curious and experimental, let your guard down a bit, and try some new things. This is the place of courage as apposed to confidence. Confidence comes from knowing you can do something, courage comes from approaching new experiences and not knowing the outcome entirely. This is a place of possibility.

Nudge: Adventure = Embarking on an experience with an uncertain outcome.

2.5. Thriving

Now we’re getting to a place where you can express your talents without forcing it. At Thriving you are engaged in the activity itself, rather than being too hung up on what it will get you. You’re being authentic (the healthy version), living with integrity, being more spontaneous and playful, and you’re present with the here and now. At this level you are noticing natural opportunities and harnessing ‘down-stream effort’. You use language like ‘I can’ and ‘I will’ and have a self-belief that whatever the outcome is you can handle it.

Nudge: When you do something you thought was impossible, anything becomes possible.

2.6. Inspiring

This is where things get interesting in leadership. At Inspiring you’re igniting a tribe to connect with a sense of purpose and aspire to have a positive impact on the world in some way. You feel connected with those around you, you’re genuinely collaborating, and people feel empowered to contribute to some vision greater than themselves. There’s a collective belief that ‘we can figure this out’, everyone is open-minded and everyone wants the best for each other.

Nudge: Imagine what’s possible. Go play.

2.7. Flowing

Many of you will have experienced moments of Flowing throughout your life. It might be when playing sport, absorbed in an activity, being a master of your craft. The psychological concept of flow (popularised by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) can be characterised as:?

“a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it”.?

The Flowing level in the Life OS expands this out into a more general and consistent state. Elements include a sense of ease and equanimity, a wisdom and willingness to mentor, an unconditional compassion for self and others. Anything is possible, we feel both very small and very big, there’s a sense of awe and freedom.

I’ve only ever met two people who are consistently living up here. One was the Dali Llama. I’ve met many people who have flashes of Flowing. You know it when you experience it and you know it when you’re around it.

Nudge: Hey Yoda, nudge-less you are.

3.0. Your Hot Air Balloon

Hopefully the Life OS is starting to make some intuitive sense. Before we dive into some questions and practical applications, I’d like to share a metaphor which really brings the framework into perspective and resonates beyond just this. The idea of a ‘Hot Air Balloon’.

I invite you to think about your life and leadership as a hot air balloon.

3.1. The ‘Balloon’

In order to grow, develop and progress we need to fill that hot air balloon with important goals, new learning and good habits. This tends to be focused on the here and now and the future. This is the space of traditional high performance coaching and positive psychology.?

So, yep, absolutely fill the hot air balloon. Fly higher and go further.

Part of evolving through the Life OS, potentially upgrading the OS, and more consistently operating at the higher levels could include many aspects of balloon filling.?

Clear goals.

Future vision.

Good sleep.

Morning rituals.

Good nutrition.

Exercise.

Recovery.

Visualisation.

Prioritisation.

Time management.

Relationships.

Psychometrics.

Coaching.

Mentoring.

Learning new skills.

New challenges.

Other high performance habits.

#Winning

There is no one recipe for setting you up for high performance and being a master of your craft, but it’s worth being curious and experimenting with what could work for you.

All that’s great, and I spend a bunch of my time working with clients on the above, but …

3.2. The ‘Sandbags’

We also all have a bunch of ‘sandbags’ weighing the basket down. These tend to be repeated behaviours or revisited feelings that feel heavy however high and however far we fly. These tend to be the things that get in the way of progress, or even just mean that ‘success’, feels unsatisfying and a bit heavy. They live in the lower to middle levels of the Life OS and might include:

Over-achievement.

Sacrificing health.

Comprising relationships with partners and kids.

Never feeling enough.

Perfectionism.

Always wanting more.

Getting angry/frustrated.

Anxiousness.

Depression.

Boundaries continually be over-stepped.

Finding it hard to say no.

People pleasing.

Speaking too much.

Speaking too little.

Getting defensive.

Having to show strength/confidence.

Having to be right.

Being overly competitive.

Judgemental and critical of yourself and others.

Having to be impressive all the time.

These sit more in the instinctive habitual reactive camp, rather than the more conscious chosen response camp. They tend to have been with us throughout life. They will have served us well at some stage in our life, but they might now be outdated and need an OS upgrade.

However successful you become, however much money you have, however many goals you achieve, this stuff will repeatedly show up until it’s addressed. If you only focus on the hot air balloon there’s a risk you over-crank the flames and ultimately run out of gas and risk burning out.

This work is not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s a worthwhile adventure for those that embark. This goes beyond simply coaching and can be incredibly transformative.

Lighten the load. Enjoy the journey.

4.0. Exercise

If you’ve read this far, great. Over to you for some thinking. I’ve got some questions for you to answer:

4. 1. At which of the ‘Evolutions’ are you generally hanging out at, at the moment?

This could be leadership specific, in another realm like parenting, or just generally in life. You might be between levels, or maybe there’s a range depending on the situation. It’s all good pondering.?

4. 2. When at your best, at which level are you operating, what are some of the specific behaviours and/or experiences, and what’s the impact?

I’d suggest making a specific list of 2-3 specific behaviours. For example, I know that when I’m at my best I’m operating somewhere around Inspiring and Flowing and the specific behaviours include being truly authentic, absolutely present and seeking or sharing some wisdom.

4. 3. When at your worst, at which level are you operating, what are some of the specific behaviours and/or experiences, and what’s the impact?

Again, get specific. These are the behaviours/experiences that leak out sometimes and get in the way. For example, at my worst I drop down to the negative aspects of Driving and can demonstrate defensiveness, frustration and competitiveness.

4. 4. What daily habits can you engage with for you to be more consistently playing higher on the Life OS?

Drill down to specific habits and make an actual plan to commit to. For example, I know that to be at my best I need to be up early enough to have some time for myself and a nice coffee before the kids get up (I wake at 6am), get daily exercise (ideally a trail run), and get 10-21min of meditation in.

4. 5. Which of the lower level behaviours/experiences could you simply notice?

Remember, with unhelpful emotions, they are something you’re experiencing, they are not you. For example, there’s a huge difference between noticing I’m experiencing anxiety versus identifying myself as being an anxious person. The first step is to notice with curiosity when it shows up. Often it’s a sensation in the body. You could almost say to yourself “ahah, there you are, interesting”.?

5.0. Implications for Leadership

You might be thinking, “Well, Ed, that’s all deep and meaningful, but what’s it got to do with leadership?”. Everything.?

As a leader you are in an incredibly powerful position. Emotion is contagious. Behaviour is reacted to. The impact of how you show up, how you operate, how you interact, is huge.

If you turn up to your next meeting operating at Driving, needing to be right, having to have control, micro-judging those around you, how creative and collaborative do you really think they’ll be?

If you lead through Striving, pace-setting, 24/7 hustling, working late, answering emails at all hours. Just wait for those around you to burn-out or leave.

On the other hand …?

If you take the leap towards Opening Up, you have an experimental mindset, you chuckle to yourself when things don’t go quite to plan, you demonstrate a little vulnerability. You’ll feel those around you just relax a bit.

If you operate at Inspiring, you celebrate others being the star of the show, you empower those around you to contribute and think for themselves, you change your mind rather than reactively defend your view. Just watch people gravitate towards you and the common purpose.

6.0. Simplified

1. The past influences our present, but it doesn’t dictate our future.?
2. Awareness brings choice.
3. Fly higher. Go further. Lighten the load.

7.0. Nudges Repeated

Surviving Nudge: You experience these things, you are not these things.

Striving Nudge: ’Enough’ is a superpower.?

Driving Nudge: You don’t have to be strong or right all the time.

Opening Up Nudge: Adventure = Embarking on an experience with an uncertain outcome.

Thriving Nudge: When you do something you thought was impossible, anything becomes possible.

Inspiring Nudge: Imagine what’s possible. Go play.

Flowing Nudge: Hey Yoda, nudge-less you are.