Life as a new parent: it’s all about the support

When I got to know I was going to be a father, I was elated. But it was only when I felt my baby’s heartbeat in the second trimester when the enormity of the emotion sunk in.

Shivangi and I were fortunate to have a pregnancy free of any complications except the occasional bouts of vomiting and nausea that Shivangi felt during the first 3 months. This was when I felt helpless for the first time. It is difficult to see your loved one in pain especially when you know you can’t help much except to be there for them. I decided early on that although I might not be able to alleviate my wife’s physical pain, I will be by her side to support in whatever way I can.

Ever since, I tried to be a part of every step of this beautiful journey. From holding Shivangi when she was vomiting, to taking her for check-ups and visualizing our baby on the sonograph, to picking her up from her office after work, we did it all together.

Shivangi had always been very careful about her diet. I think this is one of the reasons that Shivangi remained healthy throughout her pregnancy. Her test reports were always good, and we were looking forward to a normal delivery. I was in fact prepared to be with her in the labor room and witness the arrival of our little bundle of joy. But as fate would have it, due to some last-minute complications, the doctor suggested a cesarean delivery. Shivangi was disturbed and heartbroken and I felt equally dejected. After seeing my wife in heart-wrenching pain for 2 days due to her induced labor, this was a hard blow for us. But we overcame this challenge too together.

On 23rd January, Rishiv came into our lives. I had heard from my friends and family that the first moment you hold your baby is priceless and produces inexplicable joy. But I somehow just felt normal. The feeling of becoming a father hit me a few hours later, when I was filling a form for Rishiv’s birth certificate that had a column for father’s name. Till then, I was used to filling my father’s name in all sorts of forms but this time I had to write my name as a father. That inexplicable, overwhelming joy that my friends talked about finally arrived.

While I was grappling with these emotions, Shivangi too was getting overwhelmed with the experience of being a new mother. For the first 2 days, she faced challenges with breastfeeding. Her milk expression was less, and the baby also couldn’t latch on properly. Since she had a C-section there was additional pain from the stitches and she could not sit properly in a posture suitable for breastfeeding. I always believed that women are far stronger than men but the tenacity with which Shivangi dealt with everything left me with utter awe and extreme respect for her. 

Our hospital’s lactation counsellor provided Shivangi guidance on various breastfeeding techniques and positions and within 2 days, Shivangi overcame the initial challenges with breastfeeding. Shivangi and I both performed kangaroo mother care and practiced skin to skin contact with the baby. The skin to skin contact is believed to produce several health and developmental benefits for the baby. This was also a wonderful opportunity for me to develop a special bond with Rishiv.

My colleague from PATH, Ruchika Sachdeva, who is also a nutrition expert, visited us at the hospital and provided guidance on breastfeeding and other best practices. Having an expert colleague like her really boosted our confidence. Our respective parents were also constant companions, supporting us at the hospital and afterwards. Once back home, my parents stayed with us for a month. Their support to Shivangi and Rishiv helped us sail through that first month smoothly. Such timely guidance from our hospital, family and colleagues was a huge support for us.

It is a known fact that the baby takes away all the attention from the mother on its arrival. So, I made sure that I didn’t leave Shivangi’s side and she got all the love and care she needs. Right from the start, I changed diapers, woke up with Shivangi when the baby cried at night, soothed the baby, and helped Shivangi in whatever form she needed. I even learnt how to bathe a baby within the first month itself. At the same time, I ensured that Shivangi took her supplements and diet on time.

I am fortunate that I work in an organization that is extremely flexible. I had a 10-day paternity leave and PATH; my employer had been highly accommodating regarding my working hours during this phase. The generous support I received from my office and colleagues helped me in devoting my time and energy at home. Working with an organization that is focused on accelerating better health also enabled me to be more aware about the special health and nutritional needs that new mothers and babies have. 

Rishiv is 6 months old now and the one thing that I learnt over the last couple of months is that no matter how much help a wife gets from different sources, the support she gets from her husband means the most to her. It is extremely important for husbands to be with their wife in every step of the pregnancy and parenting journey and share the load right from the start.