LIFE IS (LITERALLY) WHAT WE MAKE IT

No doubt you’ll have heard it said (or sung) before, that “Life’s what you make it”. But what does that really mean? Is it about perspective? Attitude?  Mindset?  Action? All of these things?    

The idea behind the statement is that we, personally, make our lives what they are – that we create our experience of life through the thoughts we think, the feelings we generate, the things we say and do (and the things we don’t say and do), the choices and decisions that we make and the situations and behaviours that we accept and tolerate.

Some of us are pro-active in our lives – thinking in advance about all the things we’d like to experience - what we’d like to have, do, be, achieve… where we’d like to go… who we’d like to meet, and so on, putting in place plans for all of these things. Others of us are more re-active in our lives – going with the flow, being a bit less planned and more spontaneous - and allowing life to surprise us.  

Whether you’re the kind of person who makes things happen, allows things to happen, or wonders what happened, you will probably accept the scientific principle of causality (or cause and effect) that’s in operation in our world. We might not be responsible for everything that happens to us in life (particularly in childhood, when we’re not making all the decisions for ourselves), but we are responsible for how we perceive and react to what happens to us, and what we do as a consequence. This can make all the difference between a positive and negative experience of life.     

So to me, “Life’s what you make it” doesn’t necessarily mean that we create every single situation in our lives – after all, some things will happen outside of our control that we aren’t personally responsible for. However, how we perceive and interpret things; how we feel about them; and the actions we subsequently take in response to them, will determine the impact and outcome that we ultimately experience – and that, we are responsible for.

Life IS what we make it – we just share the experience with many others, and therefore don’t get to personally create and control every aspect.

What is ‘thinking’; where does it come from; and why do we do it, or need it?

Information, or data, comes to us from the world around us through our senses (what we can see, hear, feel/sense, smell and taste). Thinking is an activity of the mind and brain where we consider, process and make sense of this information – often referencing past ideas, associations and memories in order to reach a conclusion or make a decision.

Unless we’re in a coma or some form of vegetative state, we need to be able to think, in order to survive. If we weren’t able to take in information, assess it quickly and come to a decision, we would most likely perish in early childhood. Basic survival aside though, we also need to be able to make sense of, and navigate life, work, other people and everything else, if we want to live good, happy and rewarding lives – which I’m going to assume that you do. (Please note that assumptions are generally dodgy - some perhaps more so than others – and are mentioned in more depth in later chapters.)

Whilst models vary (and bear in mind that models are a simplification of something, rather than being reality itself), according to Indian tradition there are three different levels of mind – the conscious, subconscious and superconscious levels:

·      The conscious level is where we do most of our day-to-day thinking.

·      The subconscious level is where our deeper memories, beliefs, values, and so on, are stored. Our habits and auto-pilot responses come from the subconscious level, as do our imagination and intuition.

·     The superconscious level is the level where we are all said to be connected to one another and to infinite intelligence and wisdom. Some people call this the universal mind.

The subconscious mind can and does influence our feelings and actions, but the conscious level, where most of our day-to-day thinking comes from, is like the managing director. Many of us don’t consciously direct our minds along positive, constructive lines, and allow our thinking to go where it wants to go, unchecked. Some of us are also guilty of overthinking, relying solely on the conscious part of our minds to come up with answers and solutions, when it can often be better to pose a question to the higher aspects of our superconscious (or universal) mind, where higher wisdom and intelligence is said to be accessible.

The quality of our thinking is foundational to the quality of our lives. The main difference between the highly successful people of our time (think of people with the kind of status and celebrity that Oprah Winfrey or Sir Richard Branson share) and the homeless person living under the bridge, is in the quality of their consciousness, or the thinking that goes on between their ears. Their actions are really important too of course, but all actions, behaviours and habits and traceable back to our thoughts.

‘Thinking’ can constitute all or some of the following:

-         Our day-to-day mental processing. The inner dialogue and mental imagery we generate. The opinions we hold, assumptions and judgements we make and the biases we develop

-         The concepts we hold about how things are - our metaphysical ‘map of the world’

-         Our beliefs about ourselves, other people, life, the universe and everything

-         Our values - what’s most important to us, and what isn’t

-         Our attitudes - the stance or position we take towards particular matters, people, things, etc.

-         Our mindset (whether we work hard, or do as little as we can get away with; whether we ‘know it all’, or are open to new learning; whether we’re grateful for everything, or take everything for granted; and so on).  

From the moment we’re born we are ‘programmed’ with fixed ideas that we get from other people and the environment around us, that - as children at least - we tend to accept as truths. We also reach conclusions, based on our own experiences, that can be faulty. Maybe we have one or two bad experiences, and from these, create a generalised belief about the subject of the experience, that isn’t universally true.

Different people experience different ideas, environments and encounters, meaning that we all hold some opposite and conflicting concepts and beliefs, as well as some matching ones. If we hold too tightly to the belief that our programming is correct, and that other people’s programming must therefore be wrong, this can get in the way of peaceful, harmonious living and create negative experiences and outcomes. Imagine for a moment that you were born in a different time, to a different set of parents, within a different gendered body, in another part of the world. Some of the ideas and beliefs you hold true today might well be very different. Much of what we think we ‘know’ to be true is faulty, or at least limited in its truth, so it serves us well to keep an open mind about most things. As the saying goes: “It’s good to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out”.

Our thinking is the very first step in the process that brings about the results and outcomes we experience. Our lives can be loosely divided up into the following areas: 

• Work
• Home
• Health/Well-being
• Finances
• Friends/Family
• Leisure/Recreation
• Love/Romance
• Personal Development.

Our results (or levels of contentment, happiness, success, etc.) in these areas are strongly reflective of the thoughts and beliefs we hold about them. Hold constructive thoughts and beliefs about a particular area of your life, and you are likely to be happy and successful there; hold faulty or negative thoughts and beliefs in an area, and you are likely to experience problems there, or at least be less happy and successful than you otherwise would be.

Take a moment now to consider how satisfied you are in each of these areas of your life, and give each one a score of 1-10 (10 being “couldn’t be better”). We’ll come back to this exercise later in the book.

The concept of body, mind and spirit is widely discussed and accepted these days (commonly in relation to well-being or religious ideas), along with the theory that there are different aspects to the world that we operate in, including (but perhaps not limited to):

·      the physical or material world that we can see, hear, feel, smell and touch;

·      the mental world that is the realm of thought and mind-stuff;

·      and an unseen spiritual world, about which less is understood, but is possibly the realm of our soul essence (the bit that animates us), and some might also say God and other non-physical beings. I should be clear here that this realm hasn’t been scientifically evidenced to date.

All three levels are said to be linked, with each aspect impacting the others. 

Our thoughts create our reality

The idea that our thoughts create our reality has been around for millennia, having been well documented in scripts even pre-dating Christ.

Many people these days (possibly influenced by the explosion of ‘New Thought’ literature that’s been published in the last century or so) believe that the mental or inner world has an influence on the physical world – perhaps even preceding and creating it; and we’ve probably all heard the term ‘mind over matter’ – the idea that we can control physical conditions by using our mind or will-power.

The study of quantum mechanics (also known as quantum physics, or quantum theory) has demonstrated that everything in our universe is comprised, at the subatomic level, of vibrating particles of energy which are shaped or affected by our consciousness and the thoughts that we think. The nature of the world we live in, although material in its appearance and seemingly solid and ‘real’, is in fact immaterial, and mental in its origin. Observers create their reality in a process of mental construction. This has been understood for some years now, and yet is something we can struggle to get our heads around. You could say that ‘reality’ is a very persistent illusion, and the universe is quite literally mental! 

The possibilities within this information are boundless. It means that by shifting how we see, perceive and think about things, we can literally change our lives, and potentially the world. Think about that for a while, and maybe do a bit of reading. I can’t claim to fully understanding the workings of the universe, but there’s been enough scientific research to convince me that the world is not what it appears to be, and that everything is pretty much ‘mind’.

The T-F-A-R model - from thoughts to results

The T-F-A-R model, popular in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), illustrates the relationship between our thoughts and the outcomes or results we achieve:

Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Results

In short, this means that our thoughts generate our feelings, which drive our actions, which create our results. Whilst this is a somewhat simplified version of what’s quite a complex neurological, physiological and behavioural process, it’s useful nonetheless. To follow is a basic explanation offering a bit more detail:

Thoughts:

Every thought we think; every idea we accept; every belief we take on board; every concept we hold; every opinion we reach; every assumption or judgement we make; is being received and felt by our bodies at the physical level. Different kinds of thought have a different impact on the body, depending on the energy vibration they produce (this is quantum physics and psychoneuroimmunology – not new-age ‘woo-woo’). Depending on the nature of the thought, this impact can be either positive and enabling, or negative and disabling, and can contribute towards well-being and success, or ill-being and failure. For instance, if we believe we can do something, the chances are that we will feel confident and able, and probably complete the task successfully; similarly, if we think we can’t do something, the chances are that we will feel fearful and unable, and either avoid trying it, or try it but prove ourselves right, and fail at the task. The belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Additionally, a person who believes themselves to be a strong and healthy individual with a robust immune system, will tend to experience less illness than someone who believes that they’re less strong and healthy, and feels paranoid at the slightest sign that someone in their vicinity has a cold. 

So, our thoughts are experienced by our physical bodies in the form of feelings, and all thoughts have power – either positive, or negative. Whilst some people talk about neutral thoughts, there is really no such thing. Our thoughts are either having a positive effect, or a negative one. 

Feelings:

Whilst thoughts are the foundation of the results that we get, they can’t, by themselves, create anything. However, our thoughts generate waves of emotion (the word emotion means energy in motion), that are then translated into feelings - for example frustration, delight and confidence.   

Positive feelings such as love and happiness generate ‘happy’ hormones and chemicals in the body that drive positive actions and behaviours, and are beneficial to our cells. Negative feelings such as anger, fear, stress and sadness generate a different set of hormones and chemicals in the body that drive negative actions and behaviours, and, if experienced intensely for prolonged periods of time, can be damaging to our cells.

Positive emotions drive positive action, and negative or fearful emotions drive negative action. If the feeling behind your actions is loving, you will tend to get a positive outcome. If the feeling is angry or fearful, you’re unlikely to get a positive outcome. Maintaining positive thoughts and emotions in life is really important, both for our health and for the outcomes we want to achieve. 

Also, the body’s response to emotions like stress and excitement is very similar – it’s our thoughts that make an experience subjective. This is why different people can experience the same event in very different ways. Our thoughts generate our feelings, and it’s how we process and perceive an event that determines how we feel about it.

Actions:

A thought and feeling combined are unlikely to have too much impact without being followed by an action or decision. Actions include the things we say and do, and our behaviours – or how we say and do them; all of the little choices that we make, moment-by-moment; the bigger decisions that we take, including the decision not to do anything; our habits; and essentially anything that we do in response or reaction to a situation. Technically, it’s our actions that bring about our results, although these wouldn’t exist without the thoughts and feelings that drive them.

Results:

Every result in our lives is traceable back through our actions and feelings to a thought or mental pattern that we have held. So if we want to achieve great results or positive outcomes (and I’m going to make the assumption that you do), we need to become very conscious of our thoughts and feelings, and direct these along positive, constructive (even loving) lines that consider the greater good of all concerned. I will speak more about the ‘greater good’ later in the book. 

The power of the mind

Much has been said throughout time about the power of the mind, and there are many examples of it in everyday life. For example: 

·      The Placebo Effect, where individuals experience relief from medical symptoms after taking a ‘drug’ that’s just a sugar pill

·      The faithful devotees who experience spontaneous healings at Lourdes (and other sacred sites) every year

·      The people who cure themselves of cancer through visualisation, meditation and similar practices

·      The healthy individuals who’ve died after being told they would soon do so by witch-doctors, and the like

·      Those who can control their body temperature, heart-rate etc. through the use of biofeedback techniques

·      Those who use visualisation for improvement in sports performance

·      The use of hypnosis to alleviate pain in childbirth, or as a substitute for anaesthesia in the operating theatre

·      Those who’ve achieved feats of super-human strength, like lifting up a car to free a child trapped underneath it, following an accident

·      British comedian (and non-athlete) Eddie Izzard completing 27 marathons in 27 days to raise money for the charity Sport Relief, and others who’ve achieved similar ‘improbable’ feats.

As Henry Ford is quoted to have said: “Whether you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right”. Maybe there’s nothing we can’t achieve when we hold a vision and believe it’s possible.

Heaven and hell

Some people are able to experience something close to heaven during their lives; others unfortunately seem to experience hell on earth; probably the greater majority of us experience a mix of highs and lows in between the averageness of day-to-day life. But what is it that makes the difference? Could it be that some people are just luckier (or unluckier) than others? 

The definition of the word luck according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is: ‘Success or failure apparently brought by chance, rather than through one’s own actions’. The ‘apparently’ bit is interesting, because it references the idea that whilst something may seem that way, it isn’t necessarily so. 

All people, over the course of a lifetime, can expect to meet with some amazingly positive experiences and some rather difficult ones too. Sometimes the difficult ones aren’t always happening to us personally, but they’re happening to someone very close to us, and this has a knock-on effect. 

Whilst I don’t believe that we, personally, create every bad thing that happens in our lives, I do believe that we have a choice in how we think, feel and respond to those things. Some people experience and process a particular life event relatively quickly and constructively, returning to normal functioning soon afterwards with no lasting loss of positivity; and others seem to get stuck in the negative emotions for long, drawn-out periods, struggling to bounce back and maybe never quite recovering from what happened.

Heaven or hell then, is subjective, and not so much about what happens to us, as it is about how we perceive and respond to what happens.

The law of attraction

The law of attraction (one of a set of ‘universal laws’ said to have first been documented within the Emerald Tablets of Hermes Trismegistus) is the name given to the principle of like attracting like. In the context of this book, this means that positive thoughts, feelings and actions tend to create positive results or outcomes, and negative thoughts, feelings and actions tend to create negative results or outcomes. In this way, our thoughts create our reality. 

The New Thought Movement of the mid-late 1800s and early 1900s inspired a glut of literature on the subject of the law of attraction, metaphysics, mind/body healing, positive thinking and visualisation that has continued to the present day. Rhonda Byrne’s hugely successful book ‘The Secret’, published in 2006, and currently having sold over 30 million copies, brought the concept of the law of attraction to the mainstream, hence many people today are now aware of it. It’s probably fair to say, though, that this law has been somewhat mis-represented in recent times, with it sometimes being portrayed as an easy way to get hold of all the material things you want in life – just by thinking about them and believing they are yours. Whilst this is no doubt a part of it, it’s not just the thought that counts – it also the feelings we generate and the actions we take (and don’t take) that make the difference. In my personal experience, things don’t often materialise straight away as soon as we start thinking about them. Often they take hard work and persistence over a longer period of time. To quote a Japanese proverb, vision without action is just a daydream. I personally tend to speak in terms of the creative power of thought, or the power of the mind instead of the law of attraction, but only because the law has been so misunderstood.

Summary:

• Our lives are literally what we make them with our thoughts, feelings and actions. We might not be personally responsible for creating all of the circumstances of our lives (after all, we share our world with many other people, who are also creating stuff), but we are responsible for how we respond to life’s circumstances, and for the outcomes we subsequently get.
• Thinking is the mental processing we do in order to make sense of what’s happening, and to take appropriate action. It’s necessary for our survival and therefore very helpful to us, but many of us are guilty of overthinking… over-reliant on our conscious minds whilst under-utilising the deeper parts where higher wisdom and intelligence are said to be accessible.
• Our thoughts create our feelings, which drive our actions and behaviours, which create the outcome or results that we get. If we can choose thoughts and generate feelings that come from a positive, constructive, loving place that takes everyone’s best interests into account, things are likely to pan out well. All other kinds of thinking – for example selfish and negative thoughts - work against us, and are ultimately self-defeating. 
• Our minds are extremely powerful. With our thoughts we can think and feel ourselves into wellness, illness, and into doing and achieving absolutely anything. Just imagine the possibilities! It’s crucial, therefore, that we direct our thoughts and feelings in positive, constructive ways as much as possible, to ensure that we’re creating the kind of outcomes that we do want, and not those that we don’t want.
• Our experience of life can feel like heaven or hell. We always have a choice in what we focus on and how we subsequently feel. Some events in life are tragic or very difficult, and, of course, we do need to process and work through our feelings. But if we continue to focus intently on the hardship, loss or tragedy of a situation long after it’s passed, instead of rebuilding our lives and feeling grateful for our many blessings, we can cause ourselves a lot of unnecessary suffering. 
• The law of attraction, like the law of gravity, is a universal law that has always been in place. It has suffered from misrepresentation in recent years, but it essentially means that what we think, how we feel and what we do creates every outcome in our lives. If we’re not entirely happy with an aspect of our lives, all we need to do is change how we’re thinking and feeling about it, and do something different to what we have been doing, and we’ll get a different result. And that’s the basis of this book.

 Copywrite 2019, Martine Bolton, from my forthcoming book: 'Your Thinking is Your Superpower'.