Life is like a dinner party – and our emotions are the invited guests.

Emotions are like guests at the dinner party we call our life. Who we invite – and what we do with them once they’re at the party – makes all the difference.

You always want to invite Contentment. She’s gracious and kind, although a bit of a wallflower. Be sure to invite Hope, too. He’s always game to help in the kitchen. Pride is OK in small doses, but you do have to keep an eye on her. Anxiety talks too much.

Surprise, Elation and Disappointment make good conversationalists around the table. Regret is unpopular, but often has interesting things to say. Gratitude should always be invited and seated at the head of the table.

Fear will show up as the “Plus 1” to Anger. This pair has a bad reputation, but if kept in check they can be useful. The minute either of them has had too much to drink, however, you must insist they leave. And they will. If allowed to stay, they’ll invite Hate over, and it goes downhill from there.

But for all of the myriad guests around your dinner table, there are really only two that need your close attention. Grief. And Joy.

Grief shows up unannounced and uninvited. He’ll just kick in the door and pour himself a drink. He’s unpleasant and rude, and once he’s there, he doesn’t leave. He may go upstairs for a while. He’ll bang around and make a mess. But if you ignore him, he’ll eventually come back down to the party and shout at you, in front of everyone, Pay Attention To Me! The other guests will shuffle around nervously.

Joy, on the other hand, won’t come without a proper invitation, and when she does arrive, she’ll stand politely at the door and ring the bell. But once she’s in the room, everything changes. The whole room lights up around her. She’s vivacious and wildly funny. And she makes sure everyone in the room is included in the fun.

Grief doesn’t bother to use a coaster. Joy picks up the messes around her.

It sounds silly, but the only way to manage Grief is to make friends with him. He’s never going to leave, after all. So you have to sit and hold his hand. And if you hold it for a while, all his boorish behaviour will ease up. And after a long while of sitting with him, he’ll lean over and whisper: “You have loved, and have been loved.” And for that single moment, he’s the only guest you’ll care about.

Joy, for all her wonderful attributes, is also a bit fussy about your attention. If you’re not focussing on her, she will leave. And she’ll take the fun and laughter out of the dinner party, leaving Fear and Anxiety to start quarreling. Contentment will then make an excuse about “having an early morning,” and slip out. So will Hope if the quarreling goes on long enough.

Fortunately, Joy is never far away. She’s probably just stepped outside the door, and the minute you invite her back in, the party is back on.

Occasionally Joy tries to enter, but Grief is rudely blocking the door. In this case, just take Grief by the hand (remember he likes attention), lead him back into the sitting room, and just sit with him for a bit. Quietly. Joy will find her way back in every time.

Grief and Joy. These are the two guests you cannot have a great dinner party without.?

Grief will come regardless, and despite being a bit high maintenance, he’s the only guest who will remind you that your dinner party matters at all – that you have known deep love for another. And Joy will come anytime you ask, but needs attention in her own way. If you stop paying attention, she slips away.

And if you can manage them just right, paying both the attention and focus they crave, you might just find that Grief and Joy can both be at the dinner party together, making it a complete success.