Life lessons learned at 20 and forgot

I read an article recently in one of our local newspapers. The article about a classic bike called JAVA. That article bought back some great memories and some good.

How does this relate to life lessons? Even though you didn't ask, allow me to tell you.

Reading the article took me back 20 years "the late 90's".

I grew up in the Arabian Gulf. However, I did have a brief stint in India. My parents sent me to study. For the first time in my life, I was all alone in a new country. No questions being asked, not answerable to anyone. I felt free. Let your imaginations run wild on the kind of education I had. My 4 years in India makes very interesting conversations or if I push my self hard enough, could end up being a book someday. This grand elusive so-called book of mine. The pace at which I am writing it (didn't start yet) doesn't look like it will ever see the light of day.

Being free is a state of mind, a perspective, and a lifestyle. It's art in itself. But as a shallow 19-year-old, I considered riding a bike the expression of being free.

Naturally, I convinced, actually arm twisted and blackmailed my parents into buying me a bike as the inconvenience of traveling the public transport bus was taking a toll on my health. All that smoking and noxious fumes were hurting my pretty little pink lungs.

Being the only son. Spoilt some called me. I strongly disagreed. After all the hard work I put into being an extremely self-centered, ill-mannered boy with violent maniacal tendencies. and they only called me spoilt. What a disgrace. Anyways, I managed to get my way often and ended up with a brand new 135cc bike. Wondering why you still reading this article written by a sissy 135cc bike rider and how is this connected to a life lesson.

Well, here we go.

Life lesson no 1: Be stubbornly focused – Once you have made your mind to achieve something. Stubbornly focus on achieving it. You may face obstacles and roadblocks (parents, uncles and aunts). Don’t let the naysayers deter you from working towards your goal. Life goal no:1 – bike achieved.

I come from a family of burly 6-foot+ cousins. I didn't inherit any of their height genes. surely being short has its advantages and I am bound to come across it soon. Between them and an uncle, they rode a Yezdi classic, Yezdi road king and a 1970’s Royal Enfield Bullet.

Since I was their kid brother, they couldn’t disown me over my decision to have gone and bought a bike without consulting them or not knowing how to ride one, a small inconsequential technicality.

This takes me to my second point.

Life Lesson no 2: Family support – Whatever you plan on doing, its always good to have family support. This is key for maintaining sanity during those really rough days, where the finish line which was just in your vicinity has yet again shifted into oblivion. Those rough days will come. Having family who wholeheartedly supports your endeavor will help you sail through. You may not have success in what you set out doing, but this team of positive people amongst you will help you ride through those really dark moments.

My cousins are still my pillars of strength. Plus them being bigger and stronger than me. I really don't have much of a choice but mention them. My go to people who tell me things as they are, no sugar coating. Fortunately, I also have my wife and a friend on that list. We disagree often; however, they support me in all endeavors.

Riding on.

Basics of owning a bike. Learn how to ride one first. Sounds silly, but not a 19-year-old who went ahead got his bike before knowing how to ride one. My first lesson on how to ride lasted a whole of 5 seconds. Sitting on my cousins prized and gleaming Yezdi. He explains the basics. A couple of loud revs, screaming and shouting with a combination of the choicest of abuses I take off and 5 seconds later me on my back and through the pain of my body sliding on the road, I see the bike skidding away. At that moment I knew it, the fate of my bike lessons was sealed.

But life being what it is, a situation presented itself. A common friend was sick. Since my kids will end up reading this, let's just say he was sick coz of eating a lot of cake. Having started drinking his cake..oops I meant eating his cake since morning and in no position to stand. Our mission objectives were clear. Drop him at his front door and disappear. With not much time to think or ponder over the situation. We decided it was up to us to deal with it. The mission leader my cousin decided he would take his friend as a pillion and I would have to ride his bike. Believe me, Coolest difficult decision ever.

Since the situation demanded it, I had to man up quickly, had to understand and learn how to ride a bike in all of 20 seconds. Again, my cousin explains the basics of bike riding, he then holds my shoulders, looks straight into my eyes. This was one of those defining moments in life where my action and my success would define if I will ride pillion for the rest of my life or be in control and be a rider. He tells me. Two things Nissar, if you know how to ride a cycle, you can ride a bike (i can assure you this is not true) However we need to applaud him for his confidence at which he lied to me straight to my face. Secondly, if you come across any animal on the road, never ride in front of it. Always go from behind. This also another advice I wouldn't suggest giving anyone.

Apart from other natural hurdles such as light rain, animals and drunk humans leisurely strolling or sitting around plus the highway with hardly any lights, it was the perfect opportunity for me to prove to myself, I am rider material and not pillion material. Face my fear and feed my enthusiasm. My time to learn how to ride had arrived. Taking my seat and determined not to fail, I felt like a knight and with a laser focus on every thought, move, and action. I made my mark. I learned how to ride the bike. My cousin’s confidence in me and the need to deliver our friend back got me to succeed.

Life Lesson no 3: Find a good Mentor – The above incident find a cozy home when When you google "stupid". In my defense, an event of utter in eventuality, like the one that was presented to us by forces of nature. That troubling moment needed a person to stand up and lead. A leader who not only guides but mentors and stands with you leading the pack that makes the difference. In life you will always need to be connected to people who encourage, debate, tolerate and motivate you to be a better version of yourself. Surround your self amongst such people. But for heaven's sake, never tell anyone that riding a Motorbike is the same as riding a Bicycle.

The Yezdi’s wasn't really my kind of bike. It was loud, cosmetically challenged, leaked engine oil that left stains your trousers. Plus at 19, most importantly I didn’t think it was a chic magnet.

Towards my final year in India, my cousins who were seniors left for greener pastures ended up reluctantly selling their bikes. Primarily because I wasn’t interested and they didn’t trust anyone else to really take care of their loved 2 wheelers.

We did, however, end up having one Yezdi classic being parked in my house. Belonged to a friend of my cousin’s. He planned on going to Dubai for a year or 2, find his dream job, make his millions and then come back to Mangalore and reclaim his possession.

Well, that never happened. It’s been 20 years. He is still in Dubai. He did, however, end up making his millions and he rides a really cool bike.

Life lesson no 3: Plans change – We may dream, plan, strategize and work towards certain goals in our lives. Life, on the other hand, has a mind of its own and has a habit of throwing curve balls. Difficult days and moments hit all of us. We think we are in control, yet we are not. Use these opportunities to program our minds into positivity. It's these moments that we have been exposed to that push our minds to expand and look at things from new perspectives. New enthusiasm fills our lives. Our options suddenly seem to increase which brings with it big hopes. It helps manage challenges better. We need to adapt to changing circumstances. The quicker we adopt the faster we are able to move on. Not everything will impact us positively. Accumulation of such experiences makes us better individuals.

I didn’t really care much about the Yezdi parked in my garage. One uneventful day my bike had to go to the garage. Having no choice apart from the rickshaws and the buses available at my disposal, I decided to ride the Yezdi out of pure laziness.

Kick-starting the bike and the roar of the engine, I felt a new wave of energy flowing through me. By the time I was in 4th gear. I was in love. Not infatuation. Pure, honest, genuine love.

Fast forwards the next few months, I rode the Yezdi all the time and loved every moment.

Life Lesson no 4: We may already have what we always wanted– In life we Sometimes we run behind material possessions that others possess. indulging in this never brings long term happiness. The simpler things in life will always do. We will attain happiness there. In the process of accumulating wealth, we neglect our loved ones. Let’s not loved one and friends who are around us be taken for granted. In my case as instance, I would spend a lot of time away from home working. Working towards providing for my family a better life. Spending a lot of time away from home and family. One day my wife said something that hit me. She said, " what's the point for running around for family when you are never around for the family". That was a decisive moment for me. Then on I decided to spend more time with the family. This is the best decision I have taken.

I had to head back to Dubai after my so-called education came to its conclusion. My cousin's friend (the original owner of the bike) comes to know about my departure and sent his cousin to collect the bike from me. After successfully avoiding him for a few days. He manages to eventually get hold of me. Reluctantly I had to let go of the bike.

Life Lesson no 5: Letting go/forgiveness – Loss in life hits us hard. Material or personal. We tend to hold on to the memories longer than it makes sense. The best action then is letting go. There is no need to delve on it anymore. This is where I learned not to hate people or material as it brings no positivity in our lives. Best is to let things be and move on. If you have been hurt by close ones, let it go. Holding on to grudge sows seeds of hatred, from which nothing positive can ever grow. Our lives will always be better without this bitter feeling.

Letting go of the bike bothered me. Mourning over the loss of my riding days. It was temporary. My life did turn for the better. My decision was not to let my feeling dictate the way I lived. Moving on to better and bigger things in life. I did move on to bigger better things.

My cousin’s friend never did make it back to India. The bike has since been lost. But the short memory I do have of it will always remain with me as some of the best moments in my life.

How an image bought back beautiful memories. Blank your mind of all negativity and fill it with positive happy things. Life is short. Ups and downs will come. take it as it comes and learn from it.

Thank you for patiently riding with me and being part of a small journey that was beautiful for me. Now, I wonder if the mechanic still has my bike.

N.A.