Life lessons from my concierge

I returned home after having dinner with my friends a few days ago and suddenly felt sad. That kind of inexplicable sadness sometimes ambushes me when I have no reason to be sad. And my logic builds a case against me making me feel guilty for a sadness I cannot defend with facts. I was doing the mechanical things I do when I am back home, I searched for the long key to open the outer door, then for the shorter one to open the internal one and then I was ready to press the lift button when I was overwhelmed with light. There stood a 2-meter-tall Christmas tree half decorated with lights and at its roots 3 huge boxes of decorations. I made a mental note to thank Madame Brion, our concierge for the initiative the moment I run into her in the coming days. All that light took me away from my sadness.?

Finally, I ran into her yesterday. She was there with her miniature white poodles, Chanel and Lady, trying to complete the decoration process. Madame Brion is a lady in her late 60s, who encourages me to join her at her parish and who lives alone on the first floor of our building. Chanel, one of her poodles, is a racist dog who barks only at black people. My suspicion is that the name she gave her has something to do with the dog’s attitude. Check a bit about the nazi sympathies of Ms Gabriel Chanel. My relationship with Madame Brion took a good turn when I left her two types of birthday cakes in her box letter and she mischievously thanked me with “I have diabetes, so enjoyed them even more”. My respect for her skyrocketed.?

Anyway, I thanked her for what she was doing and I could see she was avoiding eye contact. Then when I asked her how was she doing, I saw she had watery eyes and she told me that a few days ago doctors told her that because of the neglect of carers in a nursing home her mother’s leg would need to be amputated. So she resolved to make this tree as beautiful as possible because “we all need light and I am not letting dark thoughts conquer me”. I hugged her. I was reminded that we receive lessons in the most unexpected moments and from the most unexpected people.?

So, brace yourself because I am going to be unapologetically cringy and share with you the few core lessons 2023 gave to me:?

• Too much compromise compromises you

We all do it. We compromise on jobs, relationships, places and so on. But the amount of compromise should be bearable because at some point if it reaches a certain level, you end up with an edited version of your soul. We often compromise more out of laziness than necessity, we tell ourselves “Yeah but there’s no other option”. Have you searched for alternatives? Often not. And trust me it is sometimes harder to make reconstructions than to build anew. There are a lot of things that deep down we know to insult our souls, the sooner you find them and get the courage and means to eliminate them from your life, the better.?

• People’s favourite hobby is to “project”

Most of the criticism and advice coming from folks around you is criticism and advice addressed to themselves. It is crucial to learn that people project their fears, experiences and mistakes on you. Very few times, advice is really advice. To distinguish this is key. This year, I learnt to say “Thank you for caring” and wait for things to play out. Most of the time, the same people who told me I was being foolish, came back to say I was being brave and they admired it. Now, braveness and foolishness are a bit the same thing. But I am waiting for braveness to pay off, perhaps one day it will pay my bills too. For now, braveness helps me to not get sick. For years, compromise made me sick, pretending always kicked me.

• Patience is money

I have started this year to meditate. If you need a discount on Headspace let me know. Who convinced me is Ray Dalio, who isn’t exactly the usual rich chick who is bored and likes to call herself an empath while being the most unbearable person ever. He is a guy who made millions and uses them to do good which is pretty epic to me. I realized my mind was completely restless and that meditating felt like torture to me. But it also trained me to “wait”. Money is very psychological and it is extremely linked with concepts of time and patience. My grandma used to admonish me “buy three times before selling”. This is an Albanian saying, meaning that you need first to listen carefully to who you are talking with, before sharing stuff that regards you. People tell you everything you need to know if you have the patience to listen first. Patience used to be boring to me. It still is. But yesterday when I went at Zara and found the same dress I refused to buy a month ago for 80 euros, and I found it for 40 euros I took it as a sign. Patience is money. And we all need to train ourselves to have it. I can proudly say that I am on my way to recovery from verbal and emotional diarrhea. And that this will likely make me either rich in time or money, both are pretty awesome.?

And you, what did 2023 teach you??

Vilma Djala

For more, subscribe to TheContraryMary