Life Lesson in Teaching

The other morning my daughter asked to get up an hour earlier so she could practice for her math test. So I set my alarm for 5:55. And got up about 6:05! She got out of bed immediately. Which is unusual, because baby girl does not like getting up in the mornings. And she started practicing in her pajamas!

So she began practicing on the white board I had in my office. And I laid back down in her bed, because she was smart enough, she knew what she was doing. I could tell her from across the room. We were working on finding the perimeter and area. I was asking questions, and she was doing great! “Wow Mommy, I didn’t know I was so good at math.” Coming from a little girl who last week said she was struggling with this and maybe she wasn’t good at math?! When I told her she did her homework, she didn’t take any credit, “Only because the teacher helped me.” So, this was awesome!

I asked her to go get her practice sheet, because I had looked at it the night before, but I knew there were more questions. We moved onto questions that were harder for her. She understood the basic concept. But, the harder questions required multiplying two digit numbers by two digit numbers. She could multiply single digit problems no problem. But, multiplying two digits required some work.

I grew irritated. Because she was smart enough to get this. She knew how to do this. I was still sitting in the bed at that point. As I tried to explain to her for the about 10th time, she began to lose her confidence and was near tears. I knew in that moment, I was making her feel like a failure. She had faith in me to help her. And if I believed she couldn't do it, she believed she couldn't do it. She is still learning to have faith in herself. And for now, her faith is in how I believe in her. Because I was the one who knew how to do it, and she didn't.

I realized she was more like me than I thought. She needed me to show her what I was saying. Yes, she could do it on her own. Yes she was smart enough to do it. She just didn’t know it yet. I too had struggled especially with going back to school for computer programming. I could get simple things. But, adding it together was somewhat of a challenge. Because for me adding a new part to a problem was almost like starting over again in my learning process. It was intimidating. I needed that extra attention early on, because I needed to know I was doing it right. I needed to be shown again. So, understanding she was a true Missourian, I needed to SHOW HER.

So, I changed my attitude. I stopped being irritated with her. I got up out of bed. I sat next to her, and slowly began to work through the problem together. I wrote out the problem and I let her tell me what it was. I showed her where to put the information. And we talked about it. I used the keywords and I had her repeat them to me. We struggled with the first attempt of me doing this with her. But, she got a result. We did it again. And the result was better. And we did it a third time, and she got it! My confident baby girl was back! We talked about when the problem seemed too big, just do what she could do. And come back to it. That she could do it.

She had the right idea. She started, she was practicing, she was taking initiative to do this. She also asked for help. Which, she doesn’t know this yet, but it is a big deal. And a sign of being humble. As the person giving the help, I had to realize what power I had to affect her abilities. I could take this smart and confident little girl and either break her confidence by trying to make her understand the way I did. Or, I could start at the beginning. And build her back up. I had to be willing to take the time now, that morning, to help her get it right. I also realized that there were signs of what my response was doing to her. I chose to be what I needed when I was learning something new.

I kissed her goodbye. And I told her Daddy that I thought if she went slow she would do great! “But, Mommy it is timed!” I told her to do it quickly if she could. But, with the extra time she had go back and make sure you did it right. She left for school. And I realized that I didn’t tell her directly that she was going to do great. I told her father while she was in the room. And when she responded I gave constructive criticism and no follow up. So, I called the school. I told them this was an unusual request. But, can you send a note to her classroom? Tell her please that I think she is going to do an amazing job on her math test. Love Mommy! Because I wanted to make sure that she had the confidence to do it.

This was a great reminder and another lesson learned for me. Approach is the biggest factor to all problems. What we want and how we get there, requires work. Its understanding my expectations had to change, so that I could get the result that worked best for her. So that I could get her to where I needed her to be.

Whether she Aces the test like I know she can, or she bombs it. I will still make sure she has the confidence to be successful. Failure happens, lack of confidence happens, but quitting, is not the answer. We have a lot of learning left to do. But, can I tell you, I am creating one heck of a teammate!

Moral of the story, ask questions. If you are answering the questions, take the time to listen and respond. If you believe someone can achieve the result. Take the time to walk through it with them. Don’t be disappointed that your expectation did not immediately show the result you were asking for. Understand that sometimes your request can be too big of a picture. And in the beginning, you must break it down to manageable pieces. Taking the time early on prevents problems later. And creating a safe place will produce better and more efficient responses.

Take every opportunity you can to learn. Learn how to help people, by doing that you will help yourself and grow.

Matthew 5:42

42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who want to borrow from you.