Life Lesson 3 of 3: The Baddest of all Bad words, I think? 3 quick stories on Stupidity… or Simply Taking a Chance?

Hopefully these stories will bring a smile to your face and a little inspiration to your life? 

1. My life before “THAT WORD!”

Back in the 70’s, I grew up directly across the street from my Elementary School and my bedroom window faced one of the two baseball diamonds. We were so close to the field that I could actually sit by my window on Saturday afternoons and watch the games and listen to the Ump call the plays.

Our house was no less than 1,000 feet door to door to the school or 500 feet if I cut across the school field. I still don’t know why I was late for school every morning? Most likely it was poor time management? 

Back in those days we actually played during recess at school. We got hot, we got sweaty, we ran and we played! We didn’t sit on a couch and zone out in a haze while playing video games… we actually played games! We played games like Tag, or Kickball or Salugee (which was another name for kill the guy with the ball – don’t know why they called it that?) Other games come to mind like Stick Ball which was played up against the back of the exterior gym wall. And if no one was playing stick ball that day we would play a game called Suicide! Yes - We could actually say the word Suicide as part of a game back then without getting sent to the principal’s office or sent to the school psychologist who would diagnose us with some new “social” ailment. Suicide was a game where a bunch of kids would run back and forth against the outside of the rear gym wall while others would try to pick them off one by one with tennis balls or even worse… a Super Pinky ball! You wished you got hit with a tennis ball, because the Super Pinky’s really hurt! 

We would also play on Monkey Bars which were a 15’ x 15’ x 15’ cube of metal bars that was held together by rusted nuts and bolts. Every other day a kid would bust a tooth or get the wind knocked out of them by falling and hitting ever bar on the way down and the teacher would say "stop crying and go to the nurse to put an ice pack on it." Next to the Monkey Bars were the Metal Slides that would get so hot during the early fall and late spring that if you wore polyester pants it would burn a shine into the butt of the pants.

Behind one of the backstops near the Double Decker hill the older kids would be playing “Stoop”! Stoop was an altered game of baseball where the hitter was also the pitcher and that person would skim the Super Pinky ball on the top edge of the bottom step of concrete stairs overlooking the field. This would give the batter the ability to hit a single, double, triple or home run. And instead of throwing the ball to the base the fielder would throw it back to the stoop and if the ball hit the stoop before the runner got on base he was out. Recess was fun and we played hard! Now- Back to “That Word!” 

2. My foul mouthed sister and “THAT WORD!”

My sister (I can’t use her name to keep her identity a secret, so I will just use her initials… L-I-N-D-A!) who is 9 years older than me, was the “rebellious” one of the family, and no one ever messed with her. She was like a time-bomb ready to explode at any minute so basically we would not make eye contact with her and would usually tip-toe by her if she was in the room… there were times if we saw her in the living room we would actually walk outside to the back of the house to get to the kitchen just to avoid her! We hated when she would baby sit, because it was the same thing over and over again… she would roll us for any loose change we had, then run to the candy store to say she would buy us lots of candy… but only to come back with a pack of Marlboro’s for her and a piece of penny candy for my brother and me. We would then be forced to listen to hours of Pink Floyd in her dark purple painted bedroom with a burning lava lamp and incense candles. Did I mention this was the early 70’s?  

Summer had come and gone and I was in the second grade. Living so close to school I had enough time to run home, make my lunch then head back just in time for recess. Growing up in my household was like a prison episode of Scared Straight! As the youngest of 7 children I was making my lunch since the 1st grade and the following year when I told my mother my clothes were dirty she took me to the basement to show me how to do my own laundry. Both of my parents worked outside of the house so it was pretty much every man, woman, child, dog, cat and hamster for themselves. 

One afternoon I ran home for lunch and my sister L-I-N-D-A was there talking with her friends. In their conversation my sister said a word that I had never heard before. You know… that word that is so bad that I think now some states require a license to use it? It was the infamous “F-Bomb”! I looked straight ahead while still making my PB&J and pretended I did not hear “That Word”! I knew this word was different and it must have been an adult word that I was not used to hearing. My heart began to beat faster and mind started to race about this word...

• I was intrigued by this word!
• It was short, bold and to the point!
• I never heard anything like this?
• What did it mean?
• Why did she say this word?
• Why did this word take command of their conversation?
• Why was this word not in any of my spelling tests?
• How come I never taught this word?
• How come this word was not mentioned on Saturday Morning TV “Schoolhouse Rock”? I mean, I grew learning the classics like – “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly Get Your Adverbs Here” and “Interjections” as well as the most iconic of all Schoolhouse Rock classics… “Conjunction Junction” – But how come no “F” word songs? It would have made a memorable classy tune?!
• Why have they hid this word from me?

Wow! This is exciting! I got a new word to tell everyone! I know something other people don’t know!

I know a grown up word! I inhaled my PB&J and grapefruit juice… Gross – What a horrible combination! Yes – Like I said – It was like living in a daily episode from Scared Straight! I ran back to school to recess to join my friends on the blacktop which overlooked the school field, playsets, basketball court and the Double Decker hill to tell them my new word! 

3. Marketing my new found “WORD!”

I gathered my friends into a circle on the blacktop. Guys! Guys! Listen up! I got a new word that I just heard… What is it they exclaimed in their excitement?! I said listen closely… They all huddled in closer to get a better listen. As I took a deep breath, I said the word is… I then slowly dropped the infamous “F” word that I heard not more than 10 minutes ago! What was that word some said? I repeated it slowly… Wow! They all started to say it together. I like that word… one of my friends said… Yea, me too, exclaimed another. But what does it mean? I said in my excitement – I don’t know, but it sounds so cool! I know, it does, said another! My group of friends quickly disbanded and ran off to play in various parts of the school field.

After my friends took off from learning the new word to play, I noticed something was a little different today, I looked out and noticed that kids had stop playing and started to huddle into small groups then they would take off from those groups than run and huddle into another group. Kids weren’t playing tag or stick ball or kickball or Salugee, they started running around to small groups then leaving those groups and screaming at the top of their lungs!

As I approached some of these groups I realized they were screaming out the new word that I had just told my friends a few minutes ago. It was like watching a Real Life Social Media Facebook or Twitter Account and everyone was commenting on the new subject! Kids started shouting out this word really, really, really loud! Saying things like I’m an “F”, No! I’m an “F” Hey! I want to be an “F”! OK – You’re an “F”! In just a matter of minutes kids were personalizing this word and taking ownership of it! They were taking this word and saying it in a present, past and future tense – OH “F” I just realized I got an “F-ing” math test after lunch – I’m “F’d”!! I knew something was really wrong when sweet little freckle faced kindergarten girls in their pigtails and frilly skirts who just two minutes ago were playing jump rope or hop scotch were now dropping “F-Bombs” like a bunch of Union loading dock workers at the Fulton Fish Market! Kids were using this word like sailors in a drunken stupor on a 3 day shore leave pass! I saw kids who in just the prior week would fall off the monkey bars and scream words like – OUCH! OW! OOH! UGH! Were now dropping “F” bombs at every bar they hit! I started to see the teachers chasing all these kids to keep them from saying the word and after they spoke to the teacher I could see them point right at me standing there by myself on the blacktop! I said to myself - Oh! No! What the “F” did I just do??? This can’t be “F-ing” good?! I’m “F-d” when I get home! And yes! I was “F-d!” 

What would usually take me all of 5 minutes to walk home from school took me about an hour. I did not rush home. I knew I did something stupid… I shot my mouth off about something I knew nothing about and after I said it, I knew it was going to get me in trouble. And as soon as I walked in the house I could see my dad standing there at the door which his arms crossed holding a bar of soap while my mother kept busy answering the phone from all the upset parents! Back in those days a parent could actually wash out their child’s mouth with soap without being concerned if someone would call the local Child Protection Services Center on them… Needless to say I was blowing bubbles for weeks when I spoke.

4. The Baddest of all Bad words, I think?

I have been in the Development, Construction and Architectural industry for over 30 years and in that time I have heard “THAT” word all day, every day by various individuals in the industry. There are some people who say that word and it sounds normal and there are even others who use that word as a noun, adjective, verb and in every English vocabulary tense that if they took that word out of their vocabulary they could actually get to the point a whole lot quicker. Sometimes that word says it all and it can stand alone as a single sentence and nothing more can fit the situation or can be said.

Prior to writing this I asked myself is that really the Baddest of all Bad words? And in thinking about it I can honestly say no – It is not the baddest of all bad words. Although that word is crude in its meaning I think there are other words that I have or even catch myself saying that are worse and have much more of a detrimental effect on our psyche.

Examples of The Baddest of all Bad words:

• NO
• Never
• I can’t get it done!
• I don’t know how?
• I am not sure?
• I have no idea?
• I failed!
• I’m a failure!
• I’m a loser!
• I quit!
• I hate what I’m doing!
• I can’t get it together!
• I don’t want to try anymore!
• I hate my choices in life!
• I’m a miserable!
• I hate who I’ve become!
• I’m fat!
• I’m ugly!
• I’m lonely!
• I hate how I look today!
• I wished I had his life!
• I’ll never succeed!
• I hate who I am!

You get the picture – These negative words that we use to put ourselves down when we are feeling inadequate or less than, will never put our minds in a positive place. There are so many proven scientific studies on how negative words impact how we are and who we become. Take some time to investigate what scientist have found even with MRI studies on how the brain is stimulated via a negative or a positive word? 

I remember hearing the words on the school field – “Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” How I wish that was true – I realized too late in life and by self-sabotage that “Sticks and Stones have broken my bones, but I’ve used my own negative words to hurt me!” 

Below are some quotes on negative words and how they affect us.

• Sir Mix-a-Lot - I have never met a successful person who talked about failing. The glass is always half full. I don't even like being around negative talkers.
• Proverbs 23:7 – As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
• Elbert Hubbard – Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
• Willie Nelson – Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you will start having positive results.
• Joyce Meyer – You cannot have a positive life in a negative mind.
• Zig Ziglar – Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.
• Michael Jordan - If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.
• John Maxwell – The Pessimist complains about the wind. The Optimist expects it to change, The Leader adjust the sails.

5. The Baddest of all Bad words, can be a catalyst for the Greatest of all Great things?

I was sharing my thoughts with my son and my wife prior to writing this and talking about negative words and how it affects us as individuals and I think my wife nailed it when she said the most negative thought or words are “I Should Have?” I stopped dead in my tracks when she said those words.

How many times have those words crossed our lips and how many times have we beat ourselves up on past mistakes, relationships or opportunities? 

How many times do we sit there and say – I should have done this in that situation, or I should have told my manager this… and we dwell so much on the past that we never give ourselves the opportunity to admit we failed and then move on? The words “I Should Have” are tied to a bigger paralyzing response of total and utter regret.

It’s easy for one to say, just stop looking in the past and stop saying those words! But for many the regrets and failures that we have allowed in our lives from past mistakes continue to beat on our psyche that it sometimes makes us immovable.

We’ve allowed the words to cut so deep and we keep picking at the wound that we never give it a chance to heal.

I realize that during my career I've moved from one firm to another for an “opportunity” and in retrospect, not all of moves were the right ones, but in the end all the moves have “lead” to better opportunities if I kept an open mind?

In business, as well as in life, we need to realize that the negative words or environments that we dwell on can actually be a catalyst to greater heights and achievements if we allow it and we just let go of the past! So why not take a chance and test yourself. Try going a day and stop dwelling on the past mistakes in your business, careers or relationships, then when you can go one day, try it for another day, then make a game out of it to see how long you can go by not beating up on yourself. You never know until you try, but letting go or moving on in your relationship or career may be just the Greatest of All Great things that will ever happen in your life?

I’ve done some soul-searching these past few months as I have been writing my “3 quick stories on Stupidity… or Simply Taking a Chance” and it has been a great opportunity to reminisce about my youth and to laugh at myself and the stupid things I did growing up. It has allowed me to say “out loud” that even though I am not “pedigree” or have risen to heights of industry fame and glory… I am who I am and I have learned from my mistakes and I am better for it and have helped others along the way.

I mentioned in a previous post that my wife has a coaster in her office that says, “Stop looking back, you are not going in that direction!” I do hope as leaders, friends and adults we could realize that looking back does not give us any benefit and that there are bigger things in life ahead of us and if we focus on the really important things in our lives and we can start to live a life without any regrets.

I would like to apologize to all of my elementary school classmates who learned that “BAD” word from me… I was just being Stupid… or was I Simply Taking a Chance? Just Kidding! I'm not going to apologize... you would have heard that word sooner or later, with or without my help! :)

I hope this final post as part of my “3 quick stories on Stupidity… or Simply Taking a Chance” has brought a smile to your face and allowed you to relax and realize that there is more to life then to mentally answer all of the negative calls we send to ourselves.