Life Lesson 1 of 3: They call me… John-A-Hon-A-Thon! 3 quick stories on Stupidity… or Simply Taking a Chance?

Life Lesson 2 of 3 to follow in December 2015: I almost kissed a girl… and I liked it!

Life Lesson 3 of 3 to follow in January 2016: The Baddest of all Bad words, I think? 

Hopefully these stories will bring a smile to your face and a little inspiration to your life? 

I grew up as the youngest of 7 kids in North Jersey in a Blue Collar Family. Life was good. We had 3 squares a day, a roof over our head and clothes on our backs. We were all forced to wear “Hand-Me-Down” clothes and I was the lucky one, because my oldest brother is 10 years older than me, and by the time I got to wear his hand-me downs, they were back in style! I remember an argument I had with my mother who tried pawning my sister’s jeans off on me and I refused them by saying MOM! Just because they fit, doesn’t make it right?! I would like to say that I won that argument that day… but I didn’t. I have to admit it… my butt looked really good in those jeans that day! 

I remember we had a big box fan sitting in front of our only window air conditioner which would blow cool air towards the back of the house. I would sit behind the fan for hours talking into it and sounding like Darth Vader and repeating… Luuuke III aaam yooouuuur Faaatheeer! Or saying a bunch of other stupid phrases or sounds just to annoy one of my brothers or sisters, until I got noticed… Will you get away from the stupid fan; I’m trying to watch TV?!?! Then I would say into the fan… Yooouuu aaare nooot my broootheeer, yooouuu aaaare aaadooopted! Mooommm aaannnd Daaad aaalwaaays haaaated yooouuu!!!! Then I would leave right before they threw a pillow cushion at me which knocked over the fan. 

My parents had an epiphany one night when I was in 7th grade and my mother said to my father, That youngest one we have – Which one is that? You know – Peter?! Oh! That one? Yeah – that one! What about him? Ahhhh – That boy needs help! Yeah he does! What do you think we should do with him? We tried giving him a way, but he keeps finding his way home? Why not private school? Why not? I don’t mind missing a few mortgage payments or not eating just to take care of my youngest? What’s his name again? 

I was given the opportunity to go to parochial school which lasted from 8th to 11th grade and then back to public school for my senior year when it financially just did not work anymore.

In our town where I grew up the public Junior and Senior High Schools were a combination of two towns, River Edge and Oradell and they combined the names to call the schools River Dell. It was no secret that the town that I grew up in River Edge was made up of a lot of Blue Collar families and Oradell mostly White Collar families. I was envious of my Oradell friends and would look for excuses to come over to their houses because not only did they grow up with 3 squares a day, but their pantries were filled with cookies, crackers, soda and every other goody you could think of and they would not get smacked in the back of the head if went to the pantry to grab a snack. Nice!

I can easily compare my life to TV sitcoms, whereas my family would be the combination of the Sanford and Son along with All in the Family households with Archie Bunker and Fred Sanford as my dad and Edith Bunker as my mother and my friends grew up in in a Leave it to Beaver household with June and Ward Cleaver as their parents. A little different… but you get the picture. 

Finally the day had arrived – Senior High Graduation! I was ready to set out on my own! I was ready to take on the world! Today was my Bar Mitzvah! Today is the day that I have become a man! OK That’s a bit of a stretch! But I was indeed excited given I felt that I just barely made it through school.

I remember early in the year I sat down with my Guidance Counselor and he looked down at my school transcripts and then looked at me with a smirk, squinted his eyes and looked back at my transcripts, shook his head, took a deep breath and then after a long exhale of air, said; “Mr. Cordts? What do you plan on doing with your life?”

I was so excited and went on to tell him all the great things I was planning on doing with my life and which direction I thought I was going to take until he interrupted me and said… "You’re kidding me… Right?" I said no! I’m not kidding! He said with a half-smile while shaking his head no… “Peter, let me clarify something with you… I am so convinced that you are going to fail in life that I took the liberty of scheduling interviews for you with the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, National Guard and Salvation Army Recruiters. Peter, you have not applied yourself since you were in the 2nd Grade!?!?!” That’s because he did not know I had Mrs. Brandeis as my 2nd Grade Teacher and she was so 1970-ish hot with her long feathered brunette hair and her button down polyester shirts, matching pants and clogs! I thought to myself if I just get good grades she will see how committed was that she would give up teaching and marry me. OK – So I have a vivid imagination? 

My entire senior year I hid from every Armed Forces recruiter and came up with every wild lie I could imagine just to avoid them. Why yes Mr. Recruiter, my entire family did die in a horrible Avalanche accident when they were skiing this past weekend and I need to bury them and I’m just a little busy right now! I never said they were good lies… I just said they were lies?!

In reality it was not until about 8 years ago when I was leading Government Contracting work did I realize how beneficial it would have been for me had I joined the armed forces. And there isn’t a time that goes by that I look at one of our soldiers in uniform that I don’t shake my head and say I should have been a part of that! 

Back to Graduation! We were given a piece of paper and asked to write down how we were to have our names called out as we were to receive our diplomas on stage. I was listening to all of my friends who were talking about their names and especially their middle names and I started to get jealous. I always felt that my name was the equivalent of 3 quick punches to the face. Peter-John-Cordts or Punch-Punch-Punch! I felt that it didn't flow and was abrubt. My friend’s names were eloquent and seemed to have substance and meaning. A friend of mine in passing mentioned that his full name was Jonathon and I thought to myself, cool – I wished my middle name was Jonathon??? Then I thought? Why can’t it be? I can simply change my middle name on this piece of paper and it would be repeated over the loud speaker for all to hear… PETER…. JONATHON…CORDTS! Almost sounding like the echo heard during the Lou Gehrig’s farewell speech in the Yankees Stadium?! And everyone would give me a standing ovation and cheer for my new middle name! What a great plan?! But during my own little plenary session I was having by myself I did not think it all the way through… I simply wrote down my name as I thought it should be said. “Peter Johnathon Cordts”; not realizing that I misspelled my new middle name. It should have been spelled Jonathon not Johnathon! 

Here it was – Graduation night! I was all set to party with my friends after graduation with my new middle name and I was off to conquer the world!

Mr. Kinard, my Humanities teacher started calling out the names and I was so excited to hear my new middle name called out when it happened… You see, Mr. Kinard, was a very proper gentlemen and he spoke the Kings English extremely well and he was very careful how he pronounced his words to the point that he over pronuciated his every word and he read my name out loud and it sounded like this; Peter… John-A-Hon-A-Thon… Cordts! Talk about a punch in the face. I grabbed my empty diploma and he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders like; Really? What kind of name is that?

Graduation had ended and all of the student’s families were getting together on the football field and I saw my family walk up to me all of them shaking their heads and the first thing out of my brother’s mouth… "Hey Jerky! What’s with the John-A-Hon-A-Thon name?" I tried to shrug it off and joke around about it as if it was nothing but I couldn’t. I knew I had disappointed my mother when she said, “Don’t you know the value and worth of your name? Don’t you realize the very thought and effort your father and I put into naming you? Don’t you realize that you are named after Peter the Apostle (The Rock) and also one of our greatest Presidents, John F. Kennedy? How dare you change the very essence of who you are?” Another punch in the face! Happy Graduation!

I tried to down play it, but I couldn’t because when I finally picked up my diploma after returning my Cap and Gown, there it was, typed in the middle of my diploma, in Bold Black Old English, 24 Point Font Text! Peter Johnathon Cordts! OUCH Again!

Was changing and misspelling my middle name the end of the world? No – But it was indeed a memorable time in my life that I stood on my own and took a chance no matter what the outcome.

I could write books on the chances I took during my life, yes, some of them were indeed stupid! Some of the chances left me with bruises that simply faded away along with the lesson, while other chances left me with scars that I can look down and remember the lesson I learned. I use my Stupidity or Chances I took as life lessons with my son and hope after all of his eye rolling when I tell him these stories that one or two of the valuable lessons I learned will sink in and he won’t repeat my mistakes?

How many of us go through our day and are stopped dead in our tracks and refuse to move forward because we are too scared of what people may think or what the outcome may be?

Luci Swindoll, notes in her book, I Married Adventure: “There is something electrifying about individuals with adventuresome spirits. They see life through a different lens. They almost emit electricity because nothing about them is dull or uninteresting or unplugged.”

Taking chances in our lives can be electrifying and scary as well. Sometimes we overthink potential opportunities that we miss it entirely and then find ourselves reminiscing about the “might have been” or “what could have been” years later.

What chance do you need to take or are about to take in your personal, educational or career lives that keeps you from moving forward today? Did you ever take a chance and it blew up in your face? Did you learn a lesson from it? Can you can share it with someone in need? I hope this inspired you to take a chance or to tell your story or at the very least – do something stupid and change your middle name!