The life and leadership skill no one teaches you (until now)

Why is learning how to apologize well an important leadership skill?

Because bad things inevitably happen. Bad things inevitably happen to bad people and bad organizations. Bad things also inevitably happen to good people and good organizations. And here is what we must remember: It is not the bad thing that happens that the people who matter most will ultimately judge you for; it is how you choose to respond to the bad thing that happens that they will judge you and remember you for. This is good news because, ultimately, we are in control of our own choices.  

So, why apologize? Because the currency of any healthy, successful relationship is trust. Without trust, a relationship cannot survive. And in crises, the trust of those who matter most to an organization (e.g. employees, customers, business partners) is often harmed or put at risk. Not all crises require an apology from the organization or its leadership in order to be resolved. But in many cases, an apology can be an effective way to restore trust when it has been harmed.

Even though the benefits of an effective apology are clear, there oftentimes is a hesitancy or resistance to apologizing in a crisis. Two common barriers to apologizing are:

1.  Fear of moral judgement: A common fear to offering an apology is the concern that the apology will be perceived by the recipients (and others) as an admission of some sort of inherent inferiority on behalf of the apologizer. Relationship expert and bestselling author of The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman, offers this piece of advice: “Don’t think that what you did has to be morally wrong for it to be wrong. If it has hurt the relationship, in that sense, it is wrong.” At times well-meaning, well-intentioned acts can cause real harm or hurt for someone. Taking accountability for causing someone harm is an affirmation of one’s morality, rather than a signal of moral weakness or inherent bad. An apology in the aftermath of a lapse in judgement or bad event can be a powerful mechanism for reaffirming one’s commitment to being a good person or organization and can help create healthy distance between one’s identity and the bad thing that happened.  

2.  Fear of compounding harm: Another common barrier to apologizing is the fear that doing so increases legal and financial risk. What is particularly fascinating about this concern is that research has actually found the opposite to be true: the Michigan Model for Medical Malpractice and Patient Safety shows this pattern that when organizations proactively accept responsibility and apologize sooner in a crisis’ life cycle, they reduce the magnitude of financial, legal and reputational harm for the organization. This is not to suggest that all organizations and leaders should always apologize in all crises. Rather, what the research points to is that if it is clear an organization is in some way responsible for some adverse outcome, the sooner that organization acknowledges and accepts what it is responsible for, the less bad the outcome of the crisis will be.

Timing is another key component of effective crisis response and apologies. A heartfelt apology delivered too late unfortunately reduces the positive benefits that apology could have otherwise had. To learn more on the principles of timing in crisis, please visit https://logosconsulting.net/our-work/crisis-management/. In times of crisis, leaders and organizations who recognize the need for an apology need to both 1) issue the apology quickly once it is determined one is appropriate and 2) craft the apology in a way that meets the expectations of those who matter most.

Well-crafted apologies need to effectively connect with those who have been harmed. Dr. Chapman’s research illustrates that different people need to see, hear and experience different things in order to believe they have received a sufficient apology. Put another way, different aspects of an apology will resonate more or less strongly with different people.

Dr. Chapman and Jennifer Thomas identified five components of a well-crafted apology, or what we at the Logos Institute for Crisis Management and Executive Leadership call the Five R’s of Effective Apology. For serious breaches of trust or when apologizing to a diverse group of people, it is essential to include all five apology components:

1.  Expression of regret: a statement that acknowledges the pain, inconvenience, or betrayal of trust, that one’s (in)actions have had on the recipient(s).   

2.  Acceptance of responsibility: an admission of mistakes made without justification or excuses. In the world of crisis, this component can be the most impactful in determining the crisis’ outcome; some studies have shown that proactively accepting responsibility in a crisis is statistically significant in reducing public anger and behaviors associated with it (e.g. complaining publicly, reducing spending).

3.  Gesture of restitution: this is the answer to the question: “What can I do to make this right?” It is action-based and seeks to make up for the wrong committed.

4.  Genuine repentance: a demonstrated commitment to change or stop doing the offending behavior. Like a gesture of restitution, this component is also action-based, but occurs over a longer period of time.

5.  Request for forgiveness: an explicit request to be forgiven made to those who have been harmed. So often in crises, there is an abuse or misuse of power. Requesting forgiveness can be an effective strategy for correcting the power balance in the relationship and restoring some of the power lost in a crisis to the harmed party.

Effectively preparing for, responding to, and recovering from a crisis requires discipline. It is not easy, but with the right tools and mindset organizations and their leaders can demonstrate how competent and caring they are to those who matter when it really counts. A timely, effective apology can be the right tool for doing just that.   

To learn more on Dr. Chapman’s research on apologies, please click here. For more on how Logos Consulting Group can offer our support on crises, please visit www.logosconsulting.net