Life As An Expecting Father In 2020

2020 has been nothing short of a roller coaster year for everybody. A new year and a new decade that seemed to have gotten off to a positive and optimistic start, slowly faded into the background as the year has been defined by a deadly pandemic that has brought lockdowns, economic hardship and mass uncertainty. 

My wife, Anna and I found out that we were expecting our first child around the middle of February. At that point, the awareness of the virus was known but not yet seen as a threat. Fast forward a little more than a month after that, and we found ourselves in a hard lockdown. 

As a parent-to-be, you ask yourself; what kind of world will my child be entering? Will there still be a world left 6 or 7 months from now? With the whole country in lockdown, am I going to be able to work and provide for my child? These were scary but very real thoughts. 

As a first time father, it’s an exciting but challenging time. Men don’t have the natural maternal instinct that women do. We have to set our minds to become more family-focused and hone in on our paternal skills. This mind-shift takes time and we rely on women to show us what to do in order to become adequate dads.

Becoming a father during this time has lessened that influence. We don’t just rely on receiving these teachings from our partners, but from all the females in our lives. Not being able to be around moms, grandmothers and aunts has meant that a lot of the responsibility of honing the man’s skills has fallen on the shoulders of his partner. Albeit, the first time mom-to-be doesn’t know it all, and she too misses out on vital teachings from the more experienced women. 

It’s not just about the learning though. It’s about the support. As a first time parent you want to be able to share in this exciting time with your close friends and family. They too want to see your progress, help you get the nursery ready and be by your side throughout the journey. Months during the lockdown has made that very minimal. 

Celebrations are also minimized. With restrictions on gatherings still in play, only muted celebrations could take place. We ended up having a ‘drive-through’ baby shower where friends and family could drive up to us whilst we waited them on the pavement of the closed-off road where the shower was taking place. From there they could chat to us, catch up and give us their gift. Grateful we were to be able to have some sort of celebration, but it’s just not quite how it would have been in normal circumstances. 

Being an expecting dad during this time can also be a lonely one. With heavy restrictions put on hospitals during Levels 3-5; dads weren’t allowed to enter their partner’s gynae appointments. Unable to hear your child’s heartbeat, see their movements or get an update from the doctor. Confined to the car park whilst you wait for your partner to give you the latest update, is quite a demotivating thing. There are no tours of the maternity wards anymore and all ante-natal classes are done online.

Then, there’s a threat of the virus itself. You don’t want to contract COVID for a multitude of reasons but when you’re an expecting father, you have to take extra precautions. You don’t want to pass on the virus to the mother or the baby, and potentially compromise their health. Neither do you want to contract the virus yourself. It’s not just about health, it’s about the right to be present for your child’s birth. 24 hours before your child is due, you have to take a COVID test. If your wife goes into labour at any given time, they put you in quarantine until your urgent test results come back. If you test positive, you are not allowed to be present for the child’s birth. A devastating thought for a first time father. It has been my biggest fear since the Lockdown began. Even now as I write this, we are but less than 12 hours away from my first born son’s arrival and I still have yet to receive my results. I think I’m negative - I have no symptoms and I haven’t been exposed to it, but you never quite know. 

But one thing I do know, is that becoming a father is a wonderful thing. Despite all the additional challenges that have come with the preparation, Anna and I have found ourselves at the end of the process a little smarter than we were in the beginning and a little braver because of what has happened around us. 

As we enter into this new phase of life, we will never forget how a time like this was in becoming a parent, but as they say, tough times don’t last, but tough people do.