Life Exists Until It Doesn't - Are You Living It?
Yup, I tend to get in people's faces about life, living, and death. Many of my speeches center around these topics, and that’s because I’ve learned how quickly it can all go away. More importantly, I’ve discovered how incredible it is to live life fully and not fear death. That’s called joy. Do you feel like joining me for Storytime?
Once upon a time, there was an Italian-American boy who fell in love with a powerhouse of a young Irish-Italian-American woman. Her name was Desiree, and she was simply awesome.
This young couple decided to view life as an adventure and their relationship as teamwork, embarking on many wonderful journeys together. These adventures brought them to a pinnacle from which the view was incredible – her on her way to becoming an MD/PhD at the top of her class, and he being the youngest recruit at the time by the Abu Dhabi Investment Authority. The couple laughed, loved, and lived. Then, as in any captivating story, there was a twist.
The Twist
In the midst of a vibrant journey, Desiree faced a life-altering diagnosis: late-stage breast cancer. A unique aspect of her experience was her decision to have her husband, Robert, act as a buffer, as she preferred not to know the specifics of her condition. As a medical student, she often remarked, “I know enough to be dangerous to myself.” Robert embraced this role, living through the disease alongside her to ensure that every decision aligned with her medical preferences. This arrangement allowed Desiree to navigate her journey on her terms while maintaining her coping mechanisms.
Together, they sought out exceptional medical professionals, and Desiree ultimately became the Founding Director of Palliative Care at NY Weill Cornell Hospital. Rather than surrendering to despair, they chose to embrace life with an unwavering spirit. For Desiree, cancer was not a defining factor; she lived fully in each moment, leaning into joy and laughter whenever possible. Here’s something for you to take away:
"You can’t grab joy – you can only lean into it."
The Power of Laughter
I vividly remember one particular day during a photoshoot, hence the photo above, for an article about being diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age. This was back when such diagnoses were still a rare phenomenon (unfortunately, that’s not the case today). As we walked into the studio, the atmosphere was filled with solemnity – the kind characterized by the heaviness of discomfort, unspoken anxiety, and sadness for the young cancer patient.
However, not long after her arrival, that all changed. Despite the weight of her diagnosis as a young woman with metastatic breast cancer, Desiree's spirit shone through. As she was getting “dolled up” for the shoot, the staff faced challenges with her dress fitting properly due to her reconstructed form. They hesitated about how to proceed, but Desiree quickly lightened the mood by joking about using tape to hold her dress in place or suggesting that I stuff her bra with my socks. Laughter erupted, turning the room into a scene straight out of Seinfeld. That incredible woman had an extraordinary ability to uplift everyone around her, reminding us that joy is indeed a choice we can embrace.
Embracing Active Living
Personally, I cringe at a world where terms like "actively dying" are often used to describe those with terminal illnesses.
Life exists until it doesn’t, and the truth is we are all “actively” dying in every moment – some slower, some faster – but you know what? We are all living with a terminal condition: the train of life has a final stop.
Don’t fool yourself if you think I am making light of or minimizing those who are facing terminality in real time. You see the picture above – in it my wife had metastatic breast cancer in one lung, her liver, her spine, and peritoneum. Ok, clear?
Desiree’s journey illuminated the importance of active living – one grounded in gratitude and intention rather than fear and victimhood. Each day became an opportunity to embrace life fully – to savor each moment as if it were our last. We celebrated small victories and cherished simple pleasures – a walk in nature colored for autumn, a shared meal with our dog, and countless laughs, laughs, laughs.
Her last joke before falling into a coma was during a hospital visit for a bowel obstruction. After coming back from exams, I asked how she was doing, and she said, “For the first time in my life, I am literally full of sh*t.” She giggled, not a true laugh – but she was letting me know time was up in her own way.
Lessons from Desiree
Desiree's approach to life and death profoundly transformed me. As I navigated my role as her caregiver, I inadvertently became her life coach, drawing on lessons learned from my own past struggles and from her unwavering determination. We realized that embracing vulnerability is essential for authentic connection, living fully, and is the doorway to joy.
In sharing her story through my memoir, Chasing Life, I aimed to honor her legacy while inviting others to reflect on their own lives and question complacency. We often take for granted the simple act of living – waking up each day with purpose and passion. Desiree's journey reminded us that life is not just about survival; it's about thriving amidst adversity.
“Adversity is an accent color to highlight joy; don't let it be the dominant color.”
Ponder
As I reflect on Desiree's life and our shared experiences, I urge you to consider your own life. What does it mean to live actively? How can you embrace joy even when faced with challenges? Life exists until it doesn't – this truth demands we live intentionally and authentically, at least in my opinion.
Consider these questions:
Last Thought
Desiree's journey with breast cancer taught me invaluable lessons about love, resilience, and the beauty of living fully. She faced her diagnosis not as a victim but as a vibrant woman who refused to be defined by her illness. Too often, we hear of someone diagnosed with cancer and think only of death. But a diagnosis is not an end; it’s a powerful reminder to live life to the fullest – stripping away the superficial.
Life exists until it doesn’t, and it’s up to us to embrace each moment fully. She may have died young, but if we, as a society, measured her life by moments of joy, she lived a long, full life.
Happy Birthday Baby!
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You can also visit my website www.robertpardi.com if you would like to learn more about me, my lifestyle of Possibility in Action?. Also, check out my YouTube channel for my musing thoughts. #possibilityinaction