Life Doesn't Have to Be Perfect to Be Wonderful

The headline is the beautiful quote by Annette Funicello.

It has taken me many years to come to this. To be honest, I'm not sure that the perfectionist in me is dead. The perfectionist in me gave up a bit, but even that slight change was enough to make my life more interesting and fuller.

Being a psychologist by education, I understand that the reasons for perfectionism can be different. Usually, due to the combination of character traits and upbringing, a person develops an idealized image. And to accept oneself, one must exert superhuman powers and have tremendous achievements.

The story of Julius Caesar is forever ingrained in my memory. I'm not even sure if it was true, but nevertheless the story is a bright example of perfectionism. When Caesar was at leisure and was reading about Alexander the Great, he was lost in thought for a long time, and then burst into tears. His friends were astonished, and asked the reason for his tears. "Do you not think," said he, "it is matter for sorrow that while Alexander, at my age, was already king of so many peoples, I have as yet achieved no brilliant success?"

Why is being a perfectionist bad? Obviously, perfectionism can push its owner to greater things. Caesar probably would not have achieved so much without this trait. In a way, this is really good. However, perfectionists cast a long shadow over their life. It can also negatively affect relationships with other people. More on that later. First, I'll tell you as a recovered perfectionist how it hurts the proud owner.

Everything should be perfect. And by everything I mean everything.

• Appearance. "Woke up, clean yourself up, then clean up your planet." "When you do something, imagine that a millionaire is watching you and deciding whether to give you a million." It's funny how all these motivational quotes can sometimes lead to neurosis. Regardless of whether I was going to meet anyone or spend the day alone, I had to look perfect. Not a hair out of place, straight soldiers. Stylish look. Moreover, if I was alone I could really afford to be perfect. If not, then it would be weird, so it was necessary to allow a well-defined slight negligence in appearance.
• My home should also be perfect, neat and clean. My friends once told me that my house was like a museum. By the way, that day it was a mess in my opinion. At the office, my workplace can be quickly found: it is the cleanest table, and everything is in the perfect order in the cases.
• Work projects must be perfect. I recall the meeting with the hiring manager to discuss his feedback which I considered bad. His score on my job was 9.8 out of 10. Sometimes it is very difficult to complete or even start something because the perfect result is impossible. For example, I put off writing these articles for a long time because English is not my native language, and the articles are clumsy. Of course, I work, and I achieve some results but I'm not happy with them.
• Health. I couldn't get sick. After all, perfect people don't get sick. I still believe that I'm the one to blame when I get sick.
• Relationships.

Well, we got to the relationships. In my mistaken opinion, everything in this area was not so difficult. As I can't control other people, I allowed relationships to develop freely.

My friends often told me that it was sometimes difficult with me. I was surprised because I demanded less from others than from myself. I made a 50% discount for friends. Of course, I haven't told anyone this, but people feel condescension. Anyways, I am lucky to be surrounded by kind and open people who share their feedback.

However, for a long time I was sure that perfectionism was a good thing. Yes, it makes me miserable but it allows me not to stand still. Yes, others can be uncomfortable sometimes, but I can adjust my behavior and be nicer.

One case turned my understanding of perfectionism upside down. Many years ago I tried to fit in with one company. They all were incredibly beautiful, all-round successful supermen and superwomen. I did everything to succeed and keep up. I was irresistible and successful. But still I was not accepted. And then something happened in my private life, and it so happened that those people witnessed it. I felt terrible, partly because everyone could see how imperfect I was at the moment. However, the reaction of the people around me stunned me. Everyone was very supportive and helpful and completely changed their attitude towards me. Later, one of them confessed to me that before that incident I was the perfect Mary Poppins, and they considered themselves insignificant compared to me.

I believe that the described case was the first step towards my new imperfect but happier life.

If you want to recover from perfectionism, then first of all you have to acknowledge that you are a perfectionist, and admit that it is bad and it should be corrected for your own benefit.

In one of the following articles, I will share my personal lifehacks that helped me become less perfect and more authentic and real.