Life Beyond the Porch with Alicia Booker

How do we move past self-limiting beliefs? How do we avoid doubt and feelings of unworthiness? Alicia Booker is here on the Believe Show to talk about her own inner work letting go of the need for perfection and accepting herself as she is, as described in her memoir, Getting Off the Porch: My Journey to Living a Full and Authentic Life. As a speaker and coach, she now has the honor of helping others do the same kind of inner work.

To view the entire conversation, click here or watch the embedded video below.

Senia: What do you believe that others might not believe?

Alicia: It is possible to live in your truth. A lot of people are paralyzed by the fear of what others might think of them being their authentic selves. As a result, they live behind masks.

Senia: What does that mean, living in your truth?

Alicia: For me, it meant realizing that my life wasn’t necessarily what I thought it was. When that happened, I asked myself, “What do I do with this realization? Do I have the courage to face it?" Sometimes people have something big happen that acts as a catalyst for truth. At such a turning point, we can decide to put a bandaid on our emotional wounds or embrace a journey of healing. It’s impossible to live your truth without doing the inner work and facing what hinders you.

Senia: When you use the words, "Getting Off the Porch," what do you mean?

Alicia: When I was a little girl, I used to wait for my dad to pick me up. There were a lot of times he didn't show up. I sat on the porch, waiting. In my adult life, I realized I was sitting on the porch in other relationships. I overcompensated. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to do everything right so that the people in my life would not leave me on the porch.

In doing the inner work, I realized that I wasn't living authentically. I wasn't allowing myself to be who I was. I was so afraid of not being perfect. My thoughts at the time were, “If my life isn’t perfect, then people will leave me.” That was terrifying.

Eventually, I realized that if they left, maybe they needed to leave. I gained the courage to say, “This is me in all my imperfection. Either you're going to love me, or you're going to leave me. If you choose to leave, that's okay.”

My biggest motivation to get off the porch was my children. I wanted to break the cycle of unworthiness. It had to start with me. I could talk about it, but if I wasn't living it, then what was I teaching my children? I found out they liked being around me more when I wasn't trying so hard to be perfect.

Senia: What are the steps to getting off the porch? 

Alicia: Here's what I suggest:

Start with awareness: Notice what’s happening in you and around you. What's not working for you? Awareness is scary. It may be a moment when you feel you have been hit by a boulder. Once you are aware of what’s going on, you have the chance to make choices: 

• Realize and accept that your life isn’t what you thought it was.
• Take ownership of your contribution to your situation. That gives you the passion to forgive yourself and others.
• Accept that you may return to the porch occasionally to gain clarity and then gather energy to get off the porch again. I am not afraid of the porch any more. I know I can do the work, and I get off more quickly.

Get Support: Share your healing journey with someone you trust. It can be a family member, a friend, counselor or therapist. It’s important to dig into the muck. It can be helpful to have someone to help you navigate the experience.

Exercise: Running was a huge part of my evolution. When I ran, my heart was open, and I could hear the universe speaking to me.

Journal: After running, I found it helpful to journal about what came to mind. Don’t worry about the grammar. It may be helpful to use writing prompts, such as the ones in the journal that I created to go along with my book.

Meditate: Meditation can help you heal on the journey. It might be helpful to start with guided meditations, such as those from Insight Timer. Their courses help me work on my inner self, even now.

Senia: What’s one thought you would like to leave with everyone?

Alicia: Be brave. Find and live your truth. When I sign books, I write that in every single one. Living in your truth takes courage. If you can get the courage to face yourself and be who you are, it will be worth it.

Senia: What’s one action you would like everyone to take?

Alicia: Wake up, look in the mirror, and tell yourself, “I am worthy, I am enough.” Every single day. You can do anything you need to do when you believe you are worthy.

Photo by Avi Werde on Unsplash

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WHY IS THIS ARTICLE HERE? In April 2020, a group of us executive coaches asked, "How can we help in this stressful time?"

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