Life After TikTok: A Survival Guide for the Lost and Bored

This morning, I was awaken on the phone, by my daughter Kelsey Binks. Kelsey indicated that she had nothing to do since TikTok is off-line so she thought she would call me and say “hi” lol…. Now that might be a little exaggeration on my part, but it did lead to an interesting conversation on what people might consider doing while TikTok is off-line.

Well, folks, it's official - TikTok has bitten the dust in the United States. We had a blast, didn't we? Lip-syncing to songs we only knew three words of, learning dances that made our knees pop, and watching people make oddly satisfying pancakes at 2 a.m. But now, the question on everyone's mind is: What do we do with our thumbs now that they can't endlessly scroll?

Don't panic! Here's a handy guide to surviving life without TikTok:

1. Go Outside.

I know, it's a radical concept. There's this thing called "nature," and it's just sitting out there waiting for you. Trees, fresh air, birds chirping—basically, live TikTok sounds but without the FYP algorithm.

2. Actually Call Your Family.

Remember those people you text "Happy B-Day" to once a year? Surprise them by using your phone for its original purpose: calling. Warning: Your mom will assume you've been kidnapped or joined a cult.

3. Reenact TikToks in Real Life.

Can't post them, but no one's stopping you from hitting the "Renegade" at your local Starbucks. Bonus points if you narrate mundane tasks like you're in a "Get Ready With Me" video.

4. Read a Book.

What's that? Oh, just TikTok, but with fewer dancing teenagers and more words. Plus, you might finally understand that plot twist in "Colleen Hoover" everyone was talking about.

5. Host Your Own Talent Show.

If you can't duet someone on TikTok, why not duet them in person? Call your friends over, and showcase your mediocre baking skills or questionable dance moves live and unfiltered.

6. Rediscover Facebook.

Now that you're here, welcome back! This post is proof Facebook is still the king of long-winded oversharing and mild internet arguments. Plus, we've got Minion memes.

7. Stare Into Space.

Honestly, try it. Stare at a wall for 30 seconds and let your brain reboot. Who knows, maybe you'll come up with the next great app. (Just make sure it's not banned in two years.)

8. Take a Nap.

Since you're no longer staying up until 3 a.m. falling down a rabbit hole of "What I Eat in a Day" videos, reclaim your sleep schedule. Sweet dreams of TikTok memories.

9. Become a Professional People Watcher.

Your local coffee shop or park is the OG TikTok. Watch real-life drama unfold as Karen argues over expired coupons or Chad skateboards into a trash can. It's free entertainment!

10. Start Your Own Trends.

No TikTok? No problem. Create trends in your community. Declare Thursdays "Dress Like a Dinosaur" day or convince your neighborhood to do a flash mob in the grocery store. Let's bring back real viral moments.

Remember, life after TikTok isn't the end of the world—it's just the beginning of a new chapter filled with questionable hobbies and awkward conversations. Now go forth, and may your For You Page live forever in your memories.

What's your first post-TikTok activity? Share below, or better yet, write me a letter like it's 1999.