Life after my TBI

We all have experiences in personal life that we go through, learn from and apply to our professional lives. This is one of those incidents that helped me see things differently and use it as a learning opportunity.

During my first trimester of pregnancy as I was busy in my kitchen, I lost consciousness while standing at my countertop. I fell hitting my head on the way down to the ground. As I blinked awake, I didn’t understand what had happened. It wasn’t until later I found out I had suffered a traumatic brain injury. A few years have passed since my accident, which has given me time to reflect on how this incident has forever transformed me. Here are the four things I learned from this experience and how it has impacted my work life.

1.    Life is fragile, keep things loose

The most immediate part of my recovery involved me spending two weeks in the dark without any stimuli (visual or auditory). No reading books, no listening to podcasts, no screen time. Only darkness. As my brain was healing, it was easy to see how fragile we all are in this big world. I learned not to be afraid to do what you want when you have the time to do it. And to cut out little life stressors where you can. I realize this sounds cliché’ and I still feel it must be said. I’m working on this one in my life today. For example, there were times in the past at work where I would waste precious time worrying about things I could not control. Whether it was a management personnel issue or going over something said to me that was off putting--- I would give these thoughts more time in my day. I finally reached the point where I put boundaries up, had honest conversations and recognized what issues were out of my control. Once I focused on what I could control, the rest fell into place.

The serenity prayer is special to me and I think of it often. Focus your energy on what you can change, learn to accept the things that you cannot. It’s easy to talk about, but a whole other thing to get in the habit of doing. Trust me, it’s worth the effort. Stress is a killer.

2.    Do not cover, find a great support system

When I fell, I lost my sense of smell. My neurosurgeon told me I may not ever get my sense of smell back. I had a panic attack hearing the news. When someone tells you there is a good chance you don’t get to “stop and smell the roses, but you can still see them,” you still feel bad for yourself. During my recovery people in my life would say, “the baby is safe, what more could you want?” TBIs are unique in that people cannot see what is broken. It’s all internal.

My suffering did not translate visually. People don’t mean to shut you down when they say to focus on the bright side, but it still hurts none the less.

An easy thing to do is to cover or pretend everything is ok. Carry on. But is that the right decision? I say no. Although it seems the world prefers to see your happiest version of you, it isn’t healthy to cover in the workplace or with family. This does not mean you should get a case of “poor me”, but rather find a support system where you can speak your frustrations, talk openly about your struggles, so you can grow, move forward, and heal.

“Have both the cheerleaders and realists in your support system”

I am lucky to have a dear friend that holds me accountable in situations like this. She allows me to open up, she hears me, and then she tells me it's time to move forward. This style of speaking can translate into work. Finding the right support system, or mentor who can hear you, and see you, but keep you moving forward is vital for career health too.

Accessibility challenges aren’t always visible, as a leader I now pay attention to ensuring people on my team feel comfortable sharing their challenges and I see those as a small piece of who they are. I start with openly sharing my experiences, like I no longer have a sense of smell. I promote awareness and not ignoring cues or assuming something about another person.

3.    Find an excuse to help others

When I think back to my fall, I remember feeling worried from the endless nausea and what I thought was morning sickness. My husband was out of town, so I took a cab to the ER alone.  My MRI revealed I had a brain bleed. My husband called some friends who had a brand new baby. My friends left their newborn with family and raced to be by my side so I wouldn’t be alone. They did not have to come. Their baby had just been released from the NICU. Yet, there they were. I didn’t even make it to the hospital to meet their new baby. The irony was that I was afraid to venture out in the rain during my first trimester for fear of falling! Looking at the bigger picture of this situation has taught me it’s easy to make an excuse not to help someone. I challenge you to look for an excuse to help others.

I’ll give you an example of what this looked like in my work life. Prior to my maternity leave, a friend reached out for support on getting an interview for a new job. I could have easily ignored the message; I was about to have a baby, maternity leave here I come! I recognized I was trying to find an excuse not to help this person. Instead, I made some calls. I spoke to people who could support and connect with her while I was on leave. She had all the qualifications for the role and landed the job. Being the conduit for her took some effort but it filled me with pride. Wherever possible, look for a reason to lean in and support.

4.    Focus on the triumphs along the way when you struggle

My journey to recover brought me so much discomfort. I have bad vertigo, lost my sense of smell, while struggling to cope with my new normal.  It was hell, yet I’m a better person because of the experience.

When I was about to give birth, someone told me it is great I get to have a baby, and a wonderful part is smelling their newborn hair. I remember crying at the realization I wouldn’t get that experience. It was so difficult to process. Thinking about my situation from the perspective of “What could be worse”, rather than “What I’ve lost”, I realized through all this what I could provide was safety for my baby, and I had become stronger.

When I work with my teams, this has taught me to celebrate the small wins and the impact we make, while we improve things that could have gone better.

I've gained an appreciation for enjoying the things that give me the greatest pleasures like my daughter, holding my boundaries and not stressing the small stuff at work and in life.