There is Life After Mistakes

There is life after mistakes

Article by Cynthia Chirinda

There’s nothing worse than that feeling of utter defeat and despair that comes along with making major mistakes in life and failing. It’s like having a dagger driven straight through your heart. Usually, we’re so blindsided by the error, that it takes months, if not years just to recover. I have been in that place a couple of times in my life, and each time I went through one of life’s monumental mistakes, I wondered how I would forgive myself for it. Some of these were not minor mistakes and failures, each one decimated me to the core. In some instances, I felt like I did not have the strength to move forward. Not emotionally. Not spiritually. Not mentally. And definitely not physically.

But, somehow, one way or another, I forgave myself. I picked up the broken pieces and I moved on. It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my life. And each time I would promise myself that it would never happen again. Those were dark times. And I didn’t think I could forgive myself for the mistakes. Yet over time, things changed and they improved. It didn’t happen overnight. There was definitely a process involved. And, looking back on those mistakes now, there was also some serious soul-searching that went along with it.

By no means was it easy. It was painful. But I did it. I forgave myself for my mistakes. And you can too.

Avoid the urge to dwell on the mistake.

We all make mistakes, but sometimes it’s hard to remember that when we’re in the midst of them. We try to avoid them at all costs because the pain and price can be high. It can cost us our jobs, our reputations, family, relationships and more. Dwelling on your mistake will only leave you feeling depressed and helpless, which will not help you move forward. Give yourself permission to take your mind off of it. Find something interesting to read, invest in motivational videos, play inspirational music, watch your favourite movie and take lots of deep breaths. As more time passes, you will realize that it’s okay to be happy again—if you allow yourself to be.

What do you value most now and why?

One way to forgive yourself for past mistakes is to reassess what you value in life. Failure and mistakes will help you to do that. Use your past mistakes as leverage. What things do you value in life as a result of your mistakes?

You have to sort out your values. Use the pain of the past mistakes to help you determine what’s most important to you today and moving forward. Often, we just live in reactionary mode, not really assessing the things that we value the most. For that reason, we have to consciously order our values by writing them out. They need to be listed in order of importance, and the reason for their order of importance must be stated. Then, as we move forward with life, love, and our goals, we can fall back on those values in order to prioritize our time, energy, and activities.

A value-driven life can help to correct the wrongs of our past by focusing on what’s important. We all make mistakes and that is part of being human. But, as long as we don’t continue to repeat those mistakes over and over again, we can improve our lives and move forward with an honest intent for growth, contribution, and adding value to the world.

Keep a gratitude journal.

Focus on the things you are most grateful for, whether it’s your family, your house, health, or the food you eat. It is extremely difficult to be grateful for something and feel angry or down on yourself at the same time. Replace your self-pitying thoughts with ones of gratitude and feel the joy that comes washing over you.

Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Most successful people have made many of them! Learn from them when you can, and realize the pain is temporary. When successes do come, you can look back at your mistakes and laugh with triumph, knowing they helped you get where you are.

Commit to living life differently

They say that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of crazy. Sometimes, we make monumental mistakes, not once, but time and again. When we fail to make changes and continue with the same behaviour that led to similar mistakes in the past, we’re largely to blame.

So, what we need to do is adjust our behaviour and commit to living life differently. If we make a monumental mistake, it’s far easier to forgive ourselves when we alter our behaviour and make promises that we actually keep to ourselves or even the people around us.

When we don’t commit to living life differently, even if we forgive ourselves and move past the mistake, it will rear its ugly head once again. And, when it happens over and over again, it’s harder to forgive yourself each time. Whether we succumbed to bad habits or influential peers, we need to recognize that and make the relevant changes.

When we can’t change, we’re stuck in neutral. Sometimes, we can even travel in reverse. And there’s nothing worse in life than living it in reverse or being stuck in a situation that you feel you can’t extricate yourself from due to your own detrimental behaviour.

Recognize the behaviour that led to the mistake. If it was largely on your behalf, commit to living life differently. You can find an accountability partner to support you along the way. It isn’t always easy to own up to those mistakes, but it’s important to do so. If you can do that, not only will you easily forgive yourself, but you’ll feel far more confident about the future moving forward.

Cynthia Chirinda is an Organisational and Personal Development Consultant, a Life Coach, Author, and Strategist. Her two new additions to the Connection Factor Collection “The Connection Factor for Leaders” and “The Connection Factor for Women” speak to matters that position organisational leaders and women respectively, to achieve greater levels of success through their strategic connections. Looking at improving your career, personal effectiveness, communication skills, relationships, focus, faith and happiness? Wholeness Incorporated Coaching offers you strategies you can implement today to review your progress and achieve your goals. E-mail: [email protected]. LinkedIn: Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi. Mobile: 263 717 013 206. Website: www.cynthiac.net.in