Lies, lying, liars

Let's talk about something that all of us have experience with -- both as one who has told a lie and as one who has been lied to.

When my sons were young, lying was household crime #1. Breaking things, tracking dirt into the home, wetting the bed, or not finishing dinner all paled in comparison to the telling of lies. As a mother and just as a human, I could not stand the thought of being lied to. So I did what any logical parent would do: I lectured, guilted, and threatened the boys into NOT lying.

Guess what? The boys lied to me anyway and got away with it many times over. It is now decades later, and I am stunned at the stories they share about lies that I never caught when they were children. The nerve!

Looking back now, I realize a few things:

* Teaching a child that there is genuine value in being truthful is not an easy sell. Kids are smart.

* Using punishment or guilt isn't effective if we intend to teach the lasting values of honesty and integrity.

* Don't overestimate our ability to detect if we are being lied to. We may not!

* Children, or people in general, lie to protect themselves. We have to ask ourselves, "What am I doing or not doing to create a situation where this person feels a need to lie?"

What most parents do but will never admit to is: we also lie. We sometimes lie to our children, our spouses, and our coworkers. Heck, we even lie to ourselves!

I like to think of myself as an honest person, but I would be remiss if I did not consider all of the times I left information out (a sin of omission), or steered a person away from something I prefer not to reveal. There is also a constant battle between my core values, which include truthfulness, and my human nature.

It's complicated.

Questions to think about

• At what point does a person who lies become a liar?
• Is lying bad?
• What were you taught about lying as a child?
• What is a good and positive way to "teach" someone about truth-telling?

I'll leave you with a couple of other questions to ponder, along with some stats:

Do you think it is sometimes justified to lie, or do you think a lie is never justified?

Do you think it's okay to lie in the following situations?

If you ever signed up for a dating site or application, could/did it happen that you lied about some things on your profile?

Which question struck a chord with you?

Lies, lying, and liars. Where we draw the boundaries of truth, half-truths, and lies, is incredibly personal and ultimately based on what your heart's compass is.

P.S. Lying is kind of still household crime #1