Lie or Version of the Truth?

Why Does This Matter in Building Relationships?

When it comes to building strong professional relationships, trust is the cornerstone. Yet, as one of my most influential mentors once told me, "The client, we are about to meet, will tell you one of two things: a version of the truth or a lie. It’s our job to differentiate between the two and decide how to progress the relationship." These words, spoken by Tony, my mentor and senior colleague, have stayed with me throughout my career, shaping how I approach client relationships and professional interactions.

This concept is not about cynicism or mistrust; it is about understanding human behaviour, recognising the importance of trust, and taking proactive steps to create meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships. In today’s world, where building trust takes time and effort, these lessons are more relevant than ever—especially for young professionals starting their careers.

So, why does distinguishing between truth, "versions" of truth, and outright mistruths matter? And how can we use this understanding to honour the memory of mentors like Tony, who dedicate their lives to guiding others? Let us explore.

The Importance of Truth in Building Relationships

At its core, Tony’s advice revolves around one simple truth: trust is not given—it is earned. Clients, colleagues, and even friends are unlikely to share their complete truth until they feel secure in the relationship. This does not mean they are intentionally deceptive; it often means they are protecting themselves or trying to test the waters. In professional settings, this "version of the truth" could manifest as:

• A client withholding key information because they are unsure of your capabilities.
• A colleague sugar-coating feedback to avoid conflict.
• A stakeholder exaggerating expectations to ensure their needs are prioritised.

Your ability to navigate these situations with empathy, understanding, and clarity is what defines your success in building lasting, meaningful relationships.

Lessons for Young Professionals

For those starting out in their careers, Tony’s advice offers a roadmap for approaching professional relationships with maturity and purpose. Here are some actionable steps young professionals can take to build trust, foster strong connections, and honour the wisdom of mentors like Tony:

1. Always Lead with Empathy

When someone shares a "version of the truth," it is often a reflection of their own fears, insecurities, or uncertainties. Instead of reacting with frustration or judgement, approach the situation with empathy. Ask yourself:

• Why might this person be holding back?
• What can I do to help them feel more comfortable in opening up?
• How can I demonstrate that I am trustworthy?

Action Step: Practise active listening. When engaging with clients or colleagues, give them your full attention and avoid interrupting. Acknowledge their concerns and validate their feelings without rushing to offer solutions.

2. Build Trust Through Consistency

Trust is not built overnight—it is earned through consistent actions. Show up when you say you will, deliver on your promises, and be transparent about what you can (and cannot) do. Over time, this consistency will encourage others to share their truths with you.

Action Step: Set clear expectations with clients and colleagues. If you commit to a deadline or deliverable, ensure you follow through. If challenges arise, communicate them early and honestly.

3. Ask the Right Questions

Sometimes, people do not reveal the full picture because they have not been asked the right questions. As professionals, it is our responsibility to dig deeper—not to interrogate but to understand. Thoughtful, open-ended questions can uncover what is really important to someone.

Action Step: Use questions like:

• "What would success look like for you in this situation?"
• "Is there anything you’re hesitant to share at this stage?"
• "What concerns do you have that we haven’t discussed yet?"

These questions encourage honesty and show that you are invested in their perspective.

4. Develop Emotional Intelligence

Understanding non-verbal cues, tone, and context is just as important as listening to someone’s words. Emotional intelligence (EQ) allows you to notice discrepancies between what someone says and how they feel, helping you navigate complex professional dynamics.

Action Step: Invest time in developing your EQ. Pay attention to body language, maintain eye contact during conversations, and reflect on how your own emotions impact your interactions.

5. Honour Relationships Beyond Transactions

One of Tony’s greatest lessons was that professional relationships should never be purely transactional. Even when dealing with clients, it is essential to view them as people, not just revenue streams or projects. Building trust and genuine connection often leads to better outcomes for everyone involved.

Action Step: Take time to get to know the people you work with. Celebrate milestones, check in on their wellbeing, and show genuine interest in their success.

Honouring the Memory of Mentors

Mentors like Tony leave a lasting impact on our careers, not just through the advice they offer but through the example they set. To honour their memory, it is important to pay their teachings forward. Here are some ways young professionals can keep the legacy of their mentors alive:

1. Share Their Lessons

Write about their wisdom, just as I am doing here. Share their insights with colleagues, mentees, or your professional network. By keeping their words alive, you ensure their influence continues to grow.

2. Mentor Others

Take the time to guide and support someone else in their career. Whether it is a formal mentoring relationship or informal advice, passing on your knowledge is one of the greatest ways to honour your own mentors.

3. Strive for Excellence

Remember that your mentors believed in your potential. Honour their guidance by striving to meet (and exceed) the standards they set for you.

4. Be a Beacon of Trust

Tony taught me the importance of trust in professional relationships. By embodying this principle in your own career, you not only honour his memory but also build a reputation that inspires others.

Final Thoughts

"Lie or version of the truth" might sound harsh at first, but when you dig deeper, it is a profound reminder of the complexities of human relationships. People do not always share their full truth—not because they are dishonest, but because trust takes time to build. As professionals, it is our job to create the conditions where honesty can thrive.

For young professionals, this means developing empathy, consistency, and emotional intelligence. It means asking the right questions and putting relationships above transactions. And it means honouring the wisdom of mentors like Tony by paying their lessons forward and building careers rooted in trust and integrity.

So, as you navigate your own career, remember this: Trust is your entry point to building lasting relationships. Honour it, nurture it, and watch your professional journey flourish.

To Tony, a mentor and colleague—thank you for your guidance. Your wisdom lives on.