They lie, obfuscate, divert & turn on each other ... and I don't mean the Traitors

Spoiler alert/apology. This will make absolutely no sense to anyone who hasn't seen The Traitors. You might as well skip on to the fashion and culture slots.

So, there we were, my daughter and I found ourselves home alone, my son gone to the sunny uplands of Girona and my husband on a very rare business trip.

"I know what we'll do" she announced "We'll binge watch The Traitors."

I was in two minds, not being a big reality TV fan, but had read it had good reviews and, frankly, had no better suggestions, so off we went. Episode one was infuriating: too slow, too much scenery, too much unnecessary voiceover, obviously staged meet & greets, and, frankly, I think it was only Claudia's fabulous outfits (each one complete with matching fingerless gloves!) and my daughter's insistence that made me persevere to episode 2.

And I'm now hooked. I'm fully invested and emotionally committed. My heart was in palpitations at the thought that they might not vote for Paul and I prayed all night that Diane hadn't drunk from the poisoned chalice.

As a result, I'm seeing everything through the lens of the Traitors. Who is lying, who is diverting attention, who is pretending to be a team player whilst clearly being out for themselves and who is ambling along not really knowing what is going on?

Which, I have to say, hasn't been difficult.

Internecine

Word of the week.

Internecine: adj. destructive to both sides in a conflict.

You'd think I might have come across the word when reading about wars going on across the planet right now but, no, you'd be wrong. It's the Tory party.

Whilst those wars rage and David Cameron hops on his flights to ... well, I've no idea what his purpose is to be honest ...but in any event our ruling party's MPs are far too distracted by fighting amongst themselves.

Not only are they raising amendments to the Rwanda bill, one of the team (rumoured to be Lord Frost) went even further and commissioned a YouGov survey designed to illustrate just how badly they will lose the coming election (if Sunak et al don't bend to his will and refuse to recognise the rule of international law), timed to come out in the Telegraph (where else) the day before the debate. Talk about "Traitor like behaviour". Amazing.

So instead of analysis about just how bad the geopolitical situation is, we get pages and hours of media coverage about the bloody Tory party. Again.

The Banishings

2024 continues where 2023 left off with regular banishings from the House of Commons. Peter Bone (odious man) was sacked for generally being odious and Chris Skidmore banished himself in protest at the doublespeak around green commitments so we have two bi-elections ahead.

Bone has recruited his girlfriend - who one can only assume is as odious as him, though maybe not, I've never met her - to stand as his replacement

but it's for the voters to decide. One to watch.

The Recruitings

Paul came a cropper. He thought he had it all under control. Andrew was recruited to be a fall guy but he clearly hadn't reckoned on Harry, his little understudy, learning from the master and duly turning on him and using sly, surreptitious tactics to get the others to boot him off the team.

It's a shame the Downing Street wonder kids hadn't watched the first series of Traitors before they took the rather ridiculous decision to appoint Lee Anderson as Deputy Chairman of the Conservative party. Let's think about it. Why do we think they did that?

a. Because he obviously has a big brain, a long history of helping to shape policy and generally take the country in the right direction

b. To keep right wing, red wall voters onside.

Idiots.

They recruited him because they thought he'd help them win. They couldn't think more than one move ahead and sure enough now the pawn is turning on them. Turns out he's not as malleable as they imagined.

The Aim of the Game

Where they've lost the plot is that they seem to imagine the aim is to win the next election. Rather than to lead the country in a direction that they believe is the right one. And since there are now so many factions with so many definitions of what "right" looks like, they're squabbling and fighting like cats in a bag.

Sadly, whilst The Traitors comes to its climax next Friday, we have to wait until at least November for this game to play out.

The Faithfuls

There was one bit in the last episode of The Traitors, where everyone sat round the table to begin the debate about who to banish next. Before they could get going, though, Claudia made them all look at each other and, one by one, recite the line:

"I am a Faithful".

Compared to the Tories who are clearly hooked on their open display of "Traitor Like Behaviour", the Labour Party seem awfully aligned. They recently had an offsite where, apparently, there was so little dissent the papers couldn't be bothered to cover it; and campaigners have all been issued with a campaign bible telling them what to say on the door steps.

I reckon Sue Gray has done a Claudia, made them all sit round a huge table and utter the same sentences one after another.

Time will tell whether this is a winning strategy.

What to Wear

A skirt. You heard it here first, skirts are back.

Forget arguing about whether jeans should be skinny (surely it depends on the legs inside them), boyfriend, bootleg or whatever. Banish the flowery midi dress to the back of the wardrobe, what you need now, my friend, is a skirt. Skirts are the new black. You will also need to have purchased your loafers, but I told you all about that last year.

And you will need socks. Socks are also the new black. Much nicer than tights.

This is Commes des Garcons vintage aka second hand - ￡100 from fab local vintage shop, Files London. The team are fresh back from a trip to Japan.

The Culture Bit

I'm watching: The Traitors. Pay attention at the back. I told you this already

I'm listening to: This Cultural Life podcast interviewing Andrew Scott

I'm reading: Strange Flowers by Donal Ryan. Splendid. If 2023 was all about reading everything Mick Heron wrote, 2024 seems to be all about Irish authors. And why not.

Batten down the hatches folks, storm approaching.

Have a lovely week.