The Lie of the Butterfly Fable and 4 Tips As Everything Dissolves

At The Outside, we used to talk about the need for transformation. “Old systems are failing,” we’d say. “We’re being asked to do more with less; we are facing issues more complex than ever; etc.” Now, however, we don’t talk about that much because there is no longer a need for transformation. Instead, there is only the reality of transformation:? happening at all times and seemingly unstoppable.?

Transformation is happening around us, between us, and within us. It may be personal, organizational, or systemic, but there is no doubt that everything is up in the air and we are floundering to catch the pieces as they fall.

In the prevailing conversation about transformation, the concept of liminal space is often invoked to help us to understand the middle phase of transformation, the “space in between” - where we are neither what we were nor what we’re going to be. We don’t know what we are becoming but we know we are not what we were. It is that space that feels full of both uncertainty and possibility.

The example of the butterfly can be very helpful in understanding this space. The cocoon is an actual physical “liminal space” - the place where the caterpillar goes to dissolve and then reform into the butterfly. It’s quite miraculous. One kind of being enters a space of deep unraveling - even on a cellular level! - and comes out of that space something entirely new.??

It is a perfect metaphor for our transformation fable.??

One can only imagine that the caterpillar is driven by some powerful instinct to create and enter the chrysalis with no real understanding of the transformation about to happen. In fact, caterpillars enter the cocoon with the express purpose of transforming into a butterfly. And as far as we can understand, after dissolution, those cells just “know” how to reform into a beautiful winged creature.

Using the butterfly as an example, we can begin to see the failing of our systems and organizations - and even our personal lives - as the necessary precursor to our own evolution. Our own caterpillar to butterfly hero’s journey. We can trust that we will know what to do once we come apart. That the very laws of nature will support our transformation.??

It is a hopeful orientation to the unceasing transformation around us.?

But I’ve recently entered that chrysalis - and haven’t emerged yet if I’m honest, and I have to tell you nothing feels normal or natural or evolutionary about it. It feels hard.? And scary. And uncertain. And I DO NOT THINK MY CELLS KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.

So mostly I’ve been surviving. And talking to other dissolving caterpillars around me, and we all agree that while this liminal space thing sounds amazing and deep and meaningful in theory, it actually sucks in reality. We don’t think anyone asked the caterpillar who was turning to goo and then into a butterfly what the experience was like. We do not think they would have given it a thumbs up.??

My training as a social worker, my loving and supportive family, and my spiritual practices did not prepare me for this level of uncertainty. This feeling like I am falling and, while I’m scared to hit the ground, I’m also not exactly sure there is a ground to hit. ? It is the most untethered I have been in my life, and I do not like it.

But I’m in it. And I think…maybe…I’m learning a few lessons:?

Stay with Your Feelings - This may be the last thing you want to do. Some feelings of this stage - anxiety, uncertainty, fear, or doubt - make us want to flee into action. To do something…anything really, rather than feel what we’re feeling.? But if we can slow ourselves down and allow ourselves to actually be with our feelings rather than try to get rid of them, we often find even the hardest feelings to be fleeting and tolerable. When we stay present, we realize that in this moment, we are likely fine. We might be worried. We might be afraid. We may be riddled with self-doubt, but we are also - unbelievably - okay underneath it all.??

When we stay present, we may also realize that alongside these difficult feelings, there may be other, more positive feelings. We may actually feel anticipation or, on good days, even a sense of elation. We are changing and with that can come a feeling of real possibility. These other feelings may be small and drowned out by the louder, more difficult feelings, but when we don’t move away from any of our feelings, we can find that this transformation also contains joy even in the midst of all that feels hard or hopeless.?

Don't Believe your Thoughts - There is no doubt that transformation is hard work emotionally, but it is also a mental workout. Our brain, in an effort to keep us functional and safe, tries to make sense of what’s happening in our process of transformation and sometimes leaps to terrible conclusions: This will never end. I’m never going to figure this out. How could I have strayed so far from my purpose? What am I even doing right now? I will lose everything and everyone I love. My cats won’t even want me anymore. I will die alone. Likely in a gutter. I need to pull myself together!

And, of course, these thoughts aren’t based in reality. They are a natural byproduct of a self seeking its own preservation. Your psyche has a sense that big change is on for you and wants to ensure that you keep yourself intact through it. That’s it’s job. The problem is, that it is your very self that needs to dissolve into goo to get to your next you. (Or at least that’s the lesson of the Butterfly, if we are to believe it.)

Meditation, prayer, chanting, exercise, cognitive behavioral therapy. All of these things can help us see that our thinking, while useful in most areas of our life, is only of limited value when in the throes of transformation. We need practices that help us interrupt our thoughts, see them as useful, at times, but not always believable. I’ve personally been using The Work - a rigorous method of self-inquiry - a lot lately to keep myself from falling prey to the irrational at 4am.? My favorite thought to do the work on right now: I don’t know what I’m doing.?????

Try it. It’s super useful. (You’ll likely find out that you know a little bit of what you’re doing. Enough to get you through the next day, anyway.)

Ask Your Body - We’ve been told for years that our brains are not able to multi-task or to keep us with all of the information that we receive in a day or the choices that we need to make. We know, for sure, that our brains cannot keep up with the pace of change we’re all experiencing right now. And yet, in these seasons of transformation, we still try to rely on our mind to figure it all out. (See above on why this is a bad idea). But if we can’t turn to our minds, where do we go?

One answer is to our bodies. We can turn to our bodies to give us direction about what to do in any given moment.??

That might look like tuning into the fluttering in your heart as you hear a new idea or listening to your gut before you make a decision. It definitely means learning what your body does when you are a “yes” to something and what it does differently when you are a “no”.??

One thing I have learned is that my body - even in this time of great uncertainty - does not lie to me.? When something is good for me, my body gives me a clear signal. I often relax, even if the situation is stressful. If something goes against my best interests, I contract and always have to override some physical sensation if I go forward.???

This is really good news:? we can still turn to ourselves in the midst of turmoil. We are not lost to ourselves just because our feelings are frantic and our thoughts may not be trustworthy. We just have to sink in a little deeper and trust a wisdom that resides in the heart, and the belly, in the hands and feet.?

Look for Signals - In the midst of transformation, we want to know the answers:? Where are we going? What are we turning into? When will it be done/over??

We want answers that may only be available to us in the distant future. Often, we only have information that relates to our immediate next steps. Not some distant future, but now. Today. Or, perhaps, just this hour.?

And so we need to stay curious and look for signals. Small indicators that we are growing in the right direction. Feedback that lets us know those liminal cells are forming into something, even if we don’t understand what it is. Signs that tell us that our motion is forward, even if we don’t know toward what.??

These signals may be weak - a piquing of our interest, a discovery of a new skill, a burgeoning friendship - but they are meaningful. And we can cultivate paying attention to them without knowing where they will lead us. They are not necessarily who we are becoming, but they may very well be part of who we will become.??

We need to stay curious about these signals because we don’t know where they will lead. They may be momentary - but enjoyable! - distraction or a pathway that is opening up for us. We can’t know in the moment, so we have to stay open and willing to follow what’s right in front of us.?

Rather than seeing the whole transformation - I would bet the caterpillar has no idea it will become a butterfly - we can attend to the here and now. We can do more than just “hang on” and wait out this challenging phase. We might actually thrive and develop new skills during it. In fact, that might be the whole point: to weather uncertainty and see what we discover.?

A dear friend said recently, “All of us. We’re changing. We’ve already changed. We just don’t have the next form ready to contain this new version of us.”?

In other words, we may already be the butterfly out of the cocoon, but the branches of a new tree aren’t there yet for us to land on and rest our wings. I found this heartening. I certainly feel like after years of Covid, the racial reckoning, the accelerating climate crisis and the failing of other major systems, I am a different person. Which makes me believe that the current transformation is so profound for all of us, that we may not even come out of it as butterflies but as an entirely new type of being.

In the meantime, we need a few practices to sustain us and keep our stamina until that next form, maybe even that new world we’re seeking, arrives.??

Good luck and happy transforming!

Tuesday Ryan-Hart is an expert in working with individuals and groups to develop new ways of thinking and working with entrenched issues as they make change in their organizations, systems, and communities. A systems change strategist who left the fields of traditional social service provision and academics to become a new kind of change-maker partnering with clients around the world, Tuesday’s work is featured in the book "Walk, Out, Walk On," by Margaret Wheatley and Deborah Frieze, and she is known internationally for her strategic work with organizations and communities engaged in systemic change. With a passion for social justice and expertise in gender & racial equity, Tuesday excels at working with groups to enhance awareness and understanding, build alliances, and take positive action together. Tuesday founded?The Outside?with Tim Merry in 2018, and together they have built a remarkable team to spark systems change towards greater equity.

As part of a Columbus, Ohio “community of practitioners,” Tuesday is a steward of the?Art of Hosting?global community of practice, mother of two, and a long-distance runner.