Licking Our Wounds vs. Learning From Our Mistakes

It’s wise to own the consequences of our own decision making. If we don’t, then we are going to make poor decisions and fail to improve. Consider this to be the precise opposite of the growth mindset.

I sometimes work with organizations grappling with a sense of diminished accountability. Leaders will describe a corporate culture where rules are not enforced, strong performance is not sufficiently rewarded, and toxic behaviors are infrequently rooted out or punished. In these places, I’m afraid that actions speak much more loudly than words.

I believe that one of the key causes of such a dynamic is that leaders are conflict avoidant, a point I mention in my book in great detail. Additionally, there may be leaders who benefit from the problem and so they are going to be loathe to actually fix it.

One exercise I like to recommend is one drawn from other traditions, including religious, and that is to conduct a review of the day, i.e, a formal evaluation that includes answering questions such as: (1) What went right? (2) What went wrong? (3) What would we do differently next time? Ideally, this would be an open discussion among all those involved in the process as well as those most impacted by the outcome.

But here’s the fine line - and it can be a very, very fine line - these exercises cannot devolve into either a blame game… or worse… a licking our wounds gripe session.?

The facilitator of the process must guard against finger pointing and blaming and usually just noting the guardrails up front will suffice. In some cultures, often the most damaged ones, more force will be required. In my experience, preventing this is quite doable.

But the scenario I worry most about has to do with self pity and the open airing of woe-is-us laments. In these situations, participants will recount all the obstacles, conflicts, and unavoidable barriers they faced. It’s human nature to point out the struggles, sure, and there should be a formal acknowledgement of the problems that arose, but cultures keen on wound licking will never focus appropriately on growth and learning. This is a big problem in organizations that are failing because the victim mindset can become dominant and, ultimately, prevent bold and creative solutions from emerging. Those good ideas are all too frequently buried underneath a heavy pile of tears and frustrations.

When projects go sideways, there is a time for a healthy dose of healing and that does include allowing folks to vent about the challenges. But active learning requires a willingness to rise above the challenges. If you are a leader and you are trying to climb out of a deep well of pity with your group, try asking these questions… in this sequence:

1. What are the top three things that happened which negatively impacted the project and which we did not anticipate? [Ok, allow the venting here, time limit it, and move on…]
2. Could we have anticipated those?
3. How could we have reacted differently to them?
4. What can we do next time to prevent or plan for surprises?

This progression allows for a wee bit of wound licking but it transitions to a learning orientation quickly.

You may also want to consider bringing in a third party or external resource to help facilitate such a process as some involved will feel more comfortable speaking honestly to a relative stranger, a perceived unbiased expert. Additionally, that person may be more experienced in navigating the fine line described here.

In any event, better organizations will capitalize on opportunities to grow, learn, and improve and the completion of a major organizational initiative is the perfect time and place to do so.