"No" is a liberation

I have been a professional speaker for over 20 years and have done more than 1600 speaking engagements. In that time, I've missed the mark a couple of times. Either I had the wrong brief, the wrong audience (according to the clever people, only 30% of your corporate audience actually want to be in your talk ... don't ask me to find that statistic), I was head-centred and not heart-centred, or I was just sh*t on the day. This happens.

Early in my career, one such incident stands out for me and if you allow yourself to explore it, it may give you some insight. I spoke in front of a team of around 30 time-share sales people.

• First mistake: the PA that booked me gave me the brief too, which was one line: "Motivate them to sell." I didn't speak to the person who makes the decisions. If I had spoken to him, I wouldn't have agreed to the job.
• Second mistake: I didn't receive payment in advance.
• Third mistake: I wasn't paid upfront
• Fourth mistake: I wasn't paid upfront
• 5th mistake ... more of a feeling. They were all dressed the same, shouting Oorah every time the sales manager said something. I was convinced I was in a Marine Corp at best. Because my hearing is a bit shot, I'm convinced I also heard 'Amen' too, so at worst I was in a cult. Big red flag, but now I'm in the thing already and drinking the Kool-Aid.

I'm doing my presentation about heart-based selling. Ten minutes in I can see that the message is not landing. "Did I say I was talking to 30 or so time-share sales people with cultist behaviour?" In hindsight, I realise that we were the wrong fit. They were totally commission-based and had predatory attention ... making as much money for themselves as possible. Here I'm trying to teach them receptive attention, caring about the clients' needs, etc. This is a train wreck waiting to happen.

During the presentation, the sales manager interrupted me and asked me to join him outside. He is followed by five other 'executives'. He tears a strip off me in front of them. To cut a long story short, he said that he hired me to teach them sales techniques so that they could close more deals. None of this "woo woo" client-centric heart-based stuff. And, there's me thinking emotional engagement, truth, authenticity and putting the client first is how you close more deals.

He said that either I change my pitch or I must leave.

I thought my temper had got the better of me, now I know it was just a boundary I put in place. I said, "No, f@#k you, that's not happening. I'll leave."

I returned to the room and packed my projector and other belongings. The audience seemed embarrassed and unsure.

The process of packing up felt like it was never going to end. I was dying inside. It was like walking the 'walk of shame'.

And, I'm glad that I said "no" and put a boundary in place. In hindsight, and with another 15 years of wisdom, I may not have said "f@#k you". Ah, who am I kidding? If it happened today, I'd still say it, "f@#k you".

I didn't get paid, but that day I kept my soul intact. That day I was proud of myself for drawing a line in the sand and saying "no".

What is it that you should be saying "no" to? What boundaries do you need to set in order to regain your power and live truthfully and authentically?

Before you decide to say "no" to things that don't serve you and the greater good of humanity, know that it's going to cost you big time. You'll lose friends, family, relationships and potential clients.

You could be persecuted, pissed on and pushed away.

That's one way to look at it, of course.

The other way (and, a better way) is that you have unburdened yourself of energy that doesn't serve you. You can put yourself first. You can regain your power and become the masterpiece, creating a master-work that you were meant to be.

You can become the light you so want to see in others. You can become you, an expression of the divine.