Liberating Yourself from Loneliness
? Matt Zinman ?
Resilience Builder | Burnout Crusader | Author of Z-isms | Speaker | Corporate Trainer | Podcast Host | Happierness Innovator | Mindset and Wellbeing Transformer | Nonprofit Founder
If you struggle with loneliness, you’re far from alone.
We all get lonely from time to time. As this feeling intensifies, the emotional pain can penetrate deeply. In its own right, loneliness can hurt to our very core.
Unlike other forms of emotional pain, loneliness is highly subjective and circumstantial. Some individuals may choose solitude and feel peaceful, while others may perceive the same situation as isolating.
People don’t need to be physically alone to feel lonely. One can feel isolated even in a crowded room or within a relationship, especially if there’s a lack of understanding or care from those around them.
In essence, loneliness is a state of mind that arises when our close relationships do not fulfill our needs. Often, the root cause of loneliness can stem from our relationship with ourselves.
As cliché as it may seem, no one spends more time with you than you do. Loneliness is a natural aspect of the human experience. It doesn’t have to be negative. In fact, becoming your own best friend can be one of life’s greatest joys.
Still, we’re only human. Life happens. We navigate natural transitions such as going to college, changing jobs, retiring, working remotely, or moving to a new area without familiar support networks.
Loneliness can be especially difficult, especially when we grieve the loss of loved ones or endure heartbreak from ending relationships. These feelings may intensify on significant dates such as birthdays or holidays, including Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve.
EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS
While loneliness is not classified as a mental health disorder, approximately half of U.S. adults report feeling lonely, with the highest rates among seniors and young adults.
In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General recently declared loneliness and isolation to be a public health crisis.
Although the pandemic feels distant now, the ripple effects of “sheltering in place,” “social distancing,” and mandatory quarantines didn’t do us many favors. Even as we return to “normal life,” we must not underestimate the potential long-term impacts of isolation.
Though loneliness is often manageable, it can have far-reaching negative effects on both physical and mental health. According to research by the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI), these effects include alcohol and drug misuse, altered brain function, progression of Alzheimer's disease, antisocial behavior, cardiovascular issues, decreased memory and learning, heightened stress levels, poor decision-making, depression, and even suicide.
While shifting values and priorities during the pandemic have led to a hybrid and remote work environment, some trade-offs have been challenging. Notably, the loss of social engagement in office settings is significant. Virtual meetings often fall short of fostering genuine connection because they lack the natural social cues and energy that in-person interactions provide. So, how can we address the loneliness epidemic one person at a time? Begin with you.
PREVENTION AND RECOVERY STRATEGIES
Loneliness is an inevitable aspect of life. While we can’t control everything that happens, we can control our reactions and coping mechanisms. While honing your positivity reflex (Happierness) may help, it isn’t a universal solution, especially during transitions. Much like the grieving process, it’s healthy to allow yourself to feel lonely and let it run its course. Practice self-compassion, recognize its temporary nature and give yourself time - this too shall pass.
This highlights the importance of self-awareness. It’s easy to become bogged down by daily demands without checking in with ourselves. We might feel lonely, sad, anxious, or worried, or let our inner critic take control. We often overlook our tendency to dwell in negativity. Many of us live more in our minds than in the moment - let’s shift that perspective.
Intentional Connections
Upgrade your social circle! Redirect your social energy from unhealthy relationships to enriching ones. Seek individuals who share your values, interests and attitudes. Be proactive in strengthening current connections and consider distancing yourself from those that drain you with stress and negativity. This energy can significantly affect your well-being more than you might realize. You deserve better from others and from yourself.
Step out of your comfort zone:
● Take inventory: Identify people with whom you want to deepen connections or rekindle faded relationships.
● Participate in groups: Join Groups: Engage in fitness, hobbies, professional organizations, or community activities that foster a sense of belonging, purpose and meaning.
● Utilize technology: Explore social media, online support groups, or interest-based communities, especially if your in-person options are limited.
● Broaden your horizons: Interact with individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences to enrich your social interactions.
Prioritize Quality Over Quantity
Deep connections matter. One meaningful relationship is more valuable than many superficial ones. Dedicate time daily to connect with friends or family.
● Cultivate your relationships: Regularly engage and invest time in nurturing your connections with others.
● Offer support: Be proactive in helping and supporting family, co-workers, friends, strangers and your community.
● Minimize screen time: Focus on “seen” time - prioritize face-to-face interactions over digital ones to avoid antisocial behaviors.
● Embrace authenticity: Stay present in conversations and family time by reducing distractions and putting away your phone.
LET’S GET PRACTICAL
Hopefully by now, you can see how your mindset plays a critical role. Expectations matter. Lonely people tend to expect rejection, often fueled by their inner critic. This may create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try focusing on positive thoughts and attitudes in your relationships. Social anxiety can amplify fears of judgment or rejection in social settings, leading to avoidance and isolation. Relying on a professional coach and/or therapist can help.
Many of us get trapped in our minds instead of living in the moment. Let’s change that! The activities below are your first steps toward alleviating loneliness. The rest is mostly within your control to do.
Activity 1: Your Loneliness Check-up
Loneliness is subjective. It varies in meaning from person to person. Begin by reflecting on some insightful questions you may not have considered. Writing down your responses can help identify patterns and enhance your self-awareness regarding social needs.
1. When do I feel most lonely? Consider specific times, places and situations that trigger feelings of loneliness.
2. What unmet needs or desires are driving my feelings of loneliness?
3. Am I mistaking loneliness for something else, like boredom or dissatisfaction?
4. How am I fostering meaningful connections?
5. How do deeper relationships reflect my values?
6. How can kindness and respect enhance my connections?
Consider journaling to track your thoughts and feelings, especially at the outset.
Activity 2: Loneliness Lessening Action Plan
Create a personalized plan by reviewing the activities below and committing to specific actions.
1. Select 2-3 solo activities from the left column.
2. Identify 2-3 ways to engage with others.
3. Include any “Other Considerations” you’re willing to explore.
4. Consider 2-3 meaningful past relationships and strategize how and when to reconnect.
5. Pinpoint 1-2 civic engagement or volunteering opportunities that interest you.
6. Reassess and recommit to self-care priorities, especially by a getting into a routine.
Practicing self-care lays a strong foundation for wellness, resilience and empowerment that help to combat feelings of depression, burnout and loneliness. Regular exercise and exposure to sunlight stimulate the release of “happy hormones,” enhancing mood and reducing stress. A diet rich in whole foods supports brain health, while good sleep habits are crucial for emotional well-being. Striking a balance between work and relaxation can help you cultivate a powerful strategy against loneliness.
ENJOYING ALONE TIME
Just as loneliness can arise in the presence of others, a healthy relationship with yourself is essential for feeling fulfilled when alone.
What hobbies or activities do you find most fulfilling during alone time? How has loneliness spurred personal growth or creativity for you? Reflect on instances where solitude has brought you benefits. What occurred?
Consider the benefits of solitude:
● Self-reflection and growth: Loneliness can lead to valuable introspection, promoting personal growth and self-awareness.
● Enhanced creativity: Solitude often fosters creativity by offering time to think, explore new ideas, and engage in fulfilling hobbies.
● Increased resilience: Navigating loneliness strengthens emotional resilience and coping strategies.
● Clarification of relationships: Experiencing loneliness can help identify supportive relationships and those that may require reevaluation.
● Mindfulness and self-care: Use moments of loneliness to reconnect with yourself through mindfulness, meditation, practicing gratitude and other self-care techniques.
Change may not happen overnight, but you can begin taking actionable steps to reduce feelings of loneliness and foster connections that enhance your well-being. The good news is that the power to combat loneliness is within your control. Who will you reach out to next?
As you enrich your relationships, the choice to live on THE BRIGHT SIDE is yours to share.
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TBS Issue 25 - Personal Message
I hope you found this week's article provided a helpful resource to liberate yourself from loneliness. Please feel welcome to join me for a minute about:
● National Mental Health Awareness Day
● My Loneliness Journey
● Up Next
To your HAPPIERNESS!
Author of “Z-isms: Insights to Live By” (free eBook and Audiobook)
Host of “Insights to Live By – The Podcast”
Contact: [email protected]
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EXCITING NEWS
● On September 20th, I had the honor of leading the faculty and staff of Bucks County Community College through my workshop, "Uncommon Mindset Skills for Living Life on Purpose," as well as run a breakout about "Keeping Burnout at Bay." Here I appear to be attempting to inspire curiosity - ha! Thanks to everyone at Bucks for all your kind feedback and inviting me to roll this program out campus-wide.
● On October 21st, the DC chapter of the Association of Talent Development will learn my "Uncommon Skill-Building Techniques that Enrich Presence and Resilience."
● On December 13th, the Chester County (PA) chapter of the Society for Human Resources Management (SHRM) will complete my workshop to build, "Uncommon Mindset Skills for Presence and Resilience."
● ALSO: I am beyond thrilled to have the honor of being the lead keynote speaker for the HR Conference Cruise in March. Topic: "Uncommon Mindset Skills to Enrich Your Life with Happierness." Please feel welcome to visit the link for full details as well as use my speaker promo code "FRIENDOFMATT" for an extra discount. My session, along with 5 others provide SHRM/HRCI credits. Alternatively, there's also a second cruise (2/22-27). My code is good for that too.
ADDITIONAL TOPICS FOR WORKSHOPS, KEYNOTES AND LEARNING PROGRAMS
● Extinguishing Burnout for Good: Personally and Organizationally
● Getting Out of Your Head and into Your Life (Taming Overthinking)
● Managing Energy: Personally, Interpersonally and Universally
● Defeating Depression Once and For All
● Foundational Skills for Emotional Intelligence
● Honing Your Intuition for Personal Effectiveness
● Uncommon Mindset Skills to Enrich Your Happierness
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Resilience: The capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; remain unaffected by insignificant occurrences; adapt to challenges; and, keep things in perspective.
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6 天前Thank you for sharing