Liberating little Eve (personal buddy stories)

I had a quick look at her Facebook profile in advance. Ash-blonde of uncertain age: it is clear that she is over 20, but whether it is 25 or 35 that’s hard to say. Looking confident, even a little provocative. Beautiful. Cold. I wonder what will she come with…

We had a call with her quite late in the evening — it was already 21:30 on my watch. Eve did not have time any earlier — work, study. She was very busy. Last year, Eve moved from the warm Russian South to cold northern Sweden. Last spring, she was a honey blonde with cute curls to her shoulders (as I later saw in a hidden photo-album “for friends only” on Facebook), but after moving to Sweden she decided that her southern image needed a radical change. She made a short daring haircut, dyed her hair ash blond, removed girlish dresses from the wardrobe and began to conquer the corporate ladder in the company. Eve moved to Sweden by contract. The Russian office of the insurance company in which she worked was going through difficult times and threatened either with substantial layoffs, or even the closure of the entire office. Eve did not sit and wait and found the opportunity to leave for the head office in Sweden. Uniquely motivated, Eve even learned the basics of the Swedish language even before she submitted her candidacy for consideration. She was accepted. Could not have been otherwise.

I expected that Eve would begin to tell me about the problems of adaptation in a new country; that it was difficult for her to find friends or that she was not accepted in the team, but… she was worried about something else.

In her 32 years, Eve has learned to effectively mask and adapt to almost any external circumstances. She read the surroundings like an open book and, like a magical chameleon, changed her own “color”. Upon her arrival in Sweden, she quickly became friends with whom she needed to make friends, learned everything that she needed to learn, enrolled in an intensive language course and in a matter of months brought her basic Swedish to a confident conversational level. After a couple of months in the country, she was like a fish in the water. Even in the office, she managed to overcome the initial alertness of her colleagues. Beautiful. Attractive. At the same time, responsive, reliable and very, simply incredibly, professional. People adored her.

Recently, Eve started a Master’s degree in the local university.

Career, money, friends, the admiration of others, prospects... All of this, Eve had in abundance. Only the family she did not have. “I have moments of weakness when all I want is that someone takes me by the hand and decides everything for me. To have the proverbial reliable shoulder next to me. I also do want children. And I will have them when I decide that it is time for them to be. ”

One day, Eve stayed in the office a bit longer. There were a lot of different things she wanted to complete so that in the morning everyone would again be surprised how Eve always managed to do everything. She was running late for her courses. “Ah, whatever!” thought Eve and decided to skip them and finish working on the file instead. Arriving home after midnight, she saw another woman in the mirror ... A slightly tired North Queen looked at her; there was not a single ounce of the southern heat left. It was then that for the first time, Eve felt a lingering feeling of discomfort.

Scrolling through the news feed on the phone, Eve’s gaze hooked on one of my articles, where there was a link to the site. Skeptically looking at the description, Eve nonetheless decided to try contacting me. One call, in the end, will not do worse, she thought. 

We talked about her plans, about criticism, about what is important, about what inspires her. We discussed what turned out well, and where adjustments are still needed, what fills her with energy, what her ideal day looks like and how she is recovering. I tried to find out from Eve what was superfluous in her life, what her favorite method of self-sabotage was, what was self-development for her, what she aspired to, how she saw herself, what she was ready to give up, what she wasn’t ... And then I realized that it is all not the most important. The turnaround question for Eve was different.

“Are you where you have to be, Eve? Are you in your place?” I asked.

Eve went silent. For the first time in our conversation. After a pause, she began to respond with an almost memorized quote, but I interrupted her. 

“What are you really like? No need to answer me. Answer to yourself.” 

On this trite question, Eve's voice flinched. “I don’t know,” she answered in a much quieter voice, “I don’t know who I am. Sometimes it seems to me that I’m out of place, even though I’m still doing well. It is stupid, isn’t it?”

The first hour of our conversation has passed. I told Eve several stories from my life, gave various tasks for independent work, but it was clear that I had not yet “opened her up” completely. And then I asked:

“Eve, what's the worst thing that can happen to you?”

After the good old classic about death and illness, Eve suddenly fell silent again.

“If, in spite of everything that my parents invested in me, I will not succeed,” she added.

In the words of Eve:

It was important for me to hear all this from the outside. I always knew what I wanted, I chose my choices and achieved my goals. But Maria made me honestly answer to myself, what I really want, helped me find honest answers for myself. Just me, just for myself! I don’t know how best to explain this.

Her examples helped me enormously. When I thought about them again, I understood a lot for myself. And I am delighted with the thoroughness of her summary, which she sent me after the conversation — nothing escaped her at all! I am very pleased with the result of working with the personal buddy and I will recommend her to all my friends and acquaintances!

P.S. The name and individual details are changed to preserve the client’s confidentiality.

P.P.S. The other day I saw that Eve changed her image again. This time, the ash-blond changed to a warmer shade, and a strict trouser suit with a man’s shirt was ditched in favor of a dress and jacket. However, most importantly… her eyes are smiling. The Snow Queen has melted.