Liars /vs/ Truth Tellers

Do you know the primary difference between liars and truth-tellers? It has nothing to do with their eyes or whether or not they are fidgety. Are you ready for the answer?

The difference is that liars and truth-tellers think different thoughts, which causes them to react differently, both verbally and nonverbally.

A liar's thoughts are: Does this sound believable? Does my story make sense? What can I say or do to convince them to believe my lie?

Truth-tellers' thoughts are: Let me get all of the facts straight. Let me provide as much detail as I possibly can so that nothing is left out. Let me be as forthcoming and clear as possible.

And that is why it is easy to spot the difference between a liar and a truth-teller.

Because of this, you will tend to hear these behaviors in liars:

• They often avoid details because they don't exist. They can create them, but then they have to remember them, and that is difficult and exhausting.
• They typically can not answer a simple 'No' to a closed-ended question when they know it is a lie. (Remember Anthony Weiner? He refused to just say "NO" to this simple question: "Did you send the tweet?")
• They will usually start to say something, stop or stutter, and change what they are saying. I call this 'the word stutter.' They tend to do this because they are uncertain of what they are saying.
• In place of details, you will often hear - what I refer to as - FLUFF. A lot of nonsense that has nothing to do with the question or topic. A recent example of this was during the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trials. When Amber Heard was asked about the incident on the stairs involving her and Johnny Depp allegedly being physical with each other, she avoided the question about what she remembered and instead kept talking about how she had to protect her baby sister. While some may think that is admirable, she never provided detailed information about what happened on those stairs. (She also 'word stutters' frequently.)
• They will usually oversell their story by using several convincing techniques, such as slowing down their speech rate and using noncontracted denials to sound convincing. If there is one thing you remember from this article, let it be this: truth-tellers convey information, and liars try to convince you of it.

On the flip side, you will tend to hear these behaviors in truth-tellers:

• They tend to provide you with details and offer to correct you.
• They typically have no problem committing to a simple 'yes' or 'no' when you ask a closed-ended question.
• They usually speak uninterrupted by word stuttering and their rate of speech will stay consistent.
• They tend not to oversell their story because they know they don't have to; they are telling the truth. Truthful people will be clear and concise and express congruent emotions and body language.

I'm known as a human lie detector and I have been analyzing verbal and nonverbal behavioral indicators for over two decades to decipher between truth and deception. I have written books on this topic and there is no way I can cover all of the nuisances in one newsletter. That's why I decided to talk about the primary difference between the two to provide the rationale behind why liars and truth-tellers act and speak differently.

In my online and professional mentor programs, I always start with awareness tests and cover the myths behind the science of deceptive analysis. Some people call it a voodoo science, I assume because they do not fully understand how to accurately analyze nonverbal behaviors. I make sure anyone wishing to be able to identify when someone is lying to them versus telling the truth starts with critical fundamental knowledge:

• First, you are not just looking for indicators of deception; you are also looking for indicators of truthfulness.
• Second - and this one may shock you - communication is not 93% nonverbal and 7% verbal. Research Dr. Albert Mehrabian's communication study to get the real facts. He is a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles, and he was the one who came up with that formula during one experiment. However, he states in his book and his research findings that this formula is NOT meant for all communication! To date, no research study proves that words or body language (facial expressions of emotion, movements, gestures, and physiological responses to stress) are more valid than the other when interpreting the true meaning behind communication. Now that we are clear about that, if you want to accurately identify when someone is lying or telling the truth, you must analyze both their body language and their words ~ at the same time! Truth-tellers' body language and words will be in sync; liars' will not be. For example, if I say, "I like writing," but while I say this, I shrug my shoulders, that is incongruent. My shoulder shrug says I am uncertain of what I am saying. If I had said, "I'm not sure how I feel about writing," and shrugged my shoulders, I would be congruent - telling the truth.
• Third, use my "Rule of 3" in order to conduct an accurate analysis. You must baseline a person's verbal and nonverbal behaviors first when they are relaxed. Those behaviors are probably a good indication of truth-telling. If those behaviors change, you must investigate why; they could be lying. Second, you must see and hear multiple indicators of deception for that person. Because we are each unique, what may indicate deception in one person may not be the case for another. (That's where baselining will help!) And finally, you must consider the context in which you are observing these behaviors. Is this person being deceptive, or are they scared, sick, or in shock?

When you have a good understanding of the fundamentals, behavioral congruency, and my Rule of 3, you are ready to dive in.

If you would like to dive into this field of study, please check out my one-on-one mentoring programs here: https://www.thecongruencygroup.com/pmp

I work with all sorts of clients, from entrepreneurs, sales professionals, realtors, coaches, auditors, business owners, leaders, and people who just have a genuine interest in human behavior.

Second, you can take a look at the online programs I offer here: https://tcg.thinkific.com/

Please don't hesitate to reach out. You can contact me at [email protected].

We all deserve the truth; I will teach you how to get it.