Leza Klenk: Working with your spouse.

Working with your spouse can be bliss or a nightmare, depending on how you approach the endeavor. Your workload seemed a little lightened, seeing the person you love at work literally supporting what you do. It can breed more confidence within yourself, knowing you are not alone facing the crisis and solving problems in your company each day.

On the other hand, disputes or disagreements in either realms can force you not to speak to each other. It's undeniable that emotions do get in the way and unlike regular colleagues, that unhappiness continues at home (or at work) not giving you time to process and calm down. This actually builds up resentment, and conversations get harder putting a strain on either the business relationship or personal one, or both.

The fine line.

Many times, couples believe they can handle the fine line between work and personal matters agreeing not to take work matters home and vice versa. But when you have two passionate co-founders, differentiating opinions can blow up to be a great deal. Because you also know each other personally, often the work disagreement accidentally dragged issues from home that you are personally also unhappy about. Suddenly, everything came up from underneath some rug - some of which said at the wrong time and place - and the relationship in both realms start to get rocky.

While we know business etiquettes on how to diplomatically handle issues at work, with our spouse - we tend to step beyond the line, get a little spiteful and intentionally say things we to causing some level of hurt.

Since my husband embarked on this journey of entrepreneurship with me, there were countless small disagreements. A few exploded to grow into big arguments, and realising we have strong different opinions - we tend to 'punish' each other personally because we got carried away with emotions. We take things too personally. As much as I hated having disagreements at work, I hate having difficult conversations with my colleague who is also my husband because it is indeed tough.

If you are planning to or already working with your spouse, hopefully my experience can guide you better.

Physical distance is important.

Honestly, just because you work together does not mean you have to spend all of your work time with the person. My husband and I come to work separately, we start & end work at different times and we do not necessarily have lunch together. In between work, we run meetings with our departments without each other and we report our work through project management tool (app) so we can read at our own time to digest information before picking up in person conversations. I organised meetings with my clients, so more often - I am out and about. His work deals with legalities, accounts and human resources so his work affairs are mostly indoors.

Power structure. 

In any organization, there are clear lines of authority. A business started from scratch by you and your spouse shouldn't be any different.

No matter how devoted you are to successfully working with your spouse, you are going to disagree about things.

As the owner of the business, I started it way before my husband ever came into the picture. I felt that with my experience of building it from scratch and being more attached to my vision and stakeholders, my decisions have power over anyone else's in the business.

I am open to listen to feedback and ideas, but I'd like to remain as the final person to sign off on anything and as you would expect, not everything I signed off is embraced by my husband. More often than not, he has a different view of things and finding compromise works sometimes - but not all the time. His ideas are not wrong or bad, but sometimes as a founder, I am set in my ways.

During these times, I realised there is no way we are bound to agree on everything and it's a matter of time when my husband will be frustrated with his suggestions being ruled over, and superseded repeatedly. Naturally this will lead to him feeling unimportant and maybe, worthless. When someone (even a regular colleagues) feels that way - they'd start looking to exit.

With aim to keep my husband empowered, I dedicated specific projects or new businesses that he can make and implement great suggestions from the start. Since these are not ones that I built before him, these new projects can use a fresh approach from someone with challenging views from the Founder. We will learn together, as we make mistakes and progress, but remain respectful on the boundaries of who is in charge of what.

Potentially, the tables might turn next time, where he might have businesses that I be working for - and in those instances, respecting the hierarchy would mean he makes the final call on things.

Financial Risk

Working together also carries the risk of two adults in a family taking home bread and butter from one source. It is recommended that despite working in one organization, not every venture outside of the job needs to involve the other. My husband has other investments, and so do I - in case the main bread & butter does not sustain for any reason. For these separate ventures, we make our own decisions to run them in ways we deem fit without necessarily bouncing ideas with the other person. It's just another channel where we are empowered and fully free to exercise all creativity the way we want it.

Family time.

While it is still okay to discuss some work matters at home, but do not make it a habit when it's time with the family. i.e. dinner.

The biggest challenge is turning work off.

During your activities with the children involved i.e. arcade, cinema, sports - avoid talking about work entirely. In fact, the mind should not also be hogging over the dispute you had earlier. Family time is just about being a present and building memories, and that any issues about work can be solved and dealt with at its proper time and place.

Toughest critic, biggest fan.

Though I probably have disagreements with my husband more than any of my colleagues, I have no doubt he is still my biggest fan. More often, we are so immersed in the unhappiness that we forget the reason why we had disagreements is because the other person genuinely care about us. Care enough that he wanted to make sure, all angles are covered when taking risks in business.

Sometimes it can be hurtful to hear a critic from your spouse, thinking they should support you all the way.

But support is not always about agreeing, it's about having a person you trust so much be able to tell you what he sees wrong from an outside point of view.

It's possible that we overlooked on many things, because we are adamant with how we want things done. And while colleagues or employees, hold back with their honest feedback - your spouse might not and you should not make him feel guilty for telling you the truth.

There is little pride to worry about when dealing with your spouse at work. Its a friendship you can really be honest, vulnerable and share your deepest fear. Your spouse will most likely judge less, listen more and comfort you even if you've made a mistake.

Regardless how comfortable you are with each other, the choice of words is important and that certain rough language should not be used. Respect is key, even in times of disagreements. If the argument has started to escalate, taking time off for several hours is not a bad thing. It lets you calm down, and think in the perspective of the other person - most of the time doing that, I realised all my husband did was watch my back.

I want to be a better leader, and who else would give the best advice on that than the very person who genuinely has my best interests at heart.

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