Leverage your Secure Identity to Problem Solve Challenging Relationships

Leverage your Secure Identity to Problem Solve Challenging Relationships

Could being true to your authentic identity really help you navigate challenging relationships? This article will outline one approach to doing so. But first, an important note to keep in mind. The Creator of the Universe is intentional. There is a reason all that would sustain human life was created before humans. They were made to serve us, not to be abused. What was deposited within us at our creation, as part of our personal identity, was also given to serve us. When employed correctly, it creates and sustains an interconnected, harmonious ecosystem we can call ‘healthy humanity’. 

The programming in our devices upgrade ever so often and after they do, certain problems are eliminated for good, restoring optimal health to the device. Likewise, your upgraded identity serves you in eliminating certain problems permanently, by directing your best moves from a heart-led place of doing what is right and good for self and others. The upgrade renders previous responses obsolete! For example someone who was afraid to confront, speaks up.

So how do you harness identity to design the joy-filled life you could have? Let’s look at Andrea’s story. She joined a new organisation and found her colleagues quite cliquey. The existing team knew each other well and often crafted schemes to make the lives of new employees or those they don't like, miserable. It seemed that as a group they subconsciously shared one identity. That of abuser or ‘harpooner’. The game is called, ‘merge to be like us or suffer.’ Andrea could see that this closely knitted group had weaved a plan to maltreat her for fun and or to badger her into submission of changing her identity to look like and be like the group. What did she do?

Some people say, “Don't make me think!”, but you have to think a little to deal with this type of challenge. Brains are wired to respond to thoughts and images so reasoning drives the direction regarding the appropriate response. Having a clear perception of her identity, here are some questions and steps she decided to take to address this problem.  

Step 1: 

First, she took on the role of, ‘observer’ , ensuring not to freeze in this position or live from that frozen place. She mentally stood outside herself, as it were, after a few negative encounters and analysed their conduct, communication and its impact on her including her responses in the moment. Though some of their jabs were subtle and covert, their agenda was clear. Harpoon or badger! She thought about who she was and how they presented when interacting with her. Among other questions she asked, “What do I say yes to, if I allow this to continue?”

Step 2: 

She began exploring options from 2 points within her identity. Something inside her made her know this was the angles from which to view this case. 1. Who am I? ‘An individual who holds positive regard for others and command the same (love your neighbour and yourself). 2 What life season am I in currently? Is this experience here to hinder my progress or a gift to help me grow? If growth she thought, ‘resolve in myself that I am enough and some good will come from this experience. If hindrance is the intent then assertiveness is needed and firm boundaries. Which means, stand up for myself, speak up and hold people accountable for their behaviours.’ What do you think Andrea did in the end? What would you have done? 

Step 3:

She engaged in a bit of ‘ deliberate thinking’. She asked herself the following, “ If I am to love my neighbour and myself, is it loving to navigate relationships with no boundaries, say yes to being disrespected or allow negative thinkers to abuse without holding them accountable for their conduct?” After processing, she chose to confront and hold them accountable. She had the confidence she was doing the right thing in alignment with her true identity. Some people do not like to confront, but coaching can help with this. 

Would clarity in self-knowledge (who am I?) empower you to navigate and resolve a similar experience and minimise the likelihood of it repeating? What do you think. Identity coaching has helped many. From their authentic place they get to make meaningful contributions to the ‘heathy humanity’ ecosystem. 

Here’s the takeaway, clarity regarding your, identity could be the paradigm shift that helps you to problem solve, clarify life goals, create your vision and fulfil your purpose. Pulling on this part of her identity helped Andrea resolve this work related challenge. Would this approach work for intimate relationships? You tell me. 

Annecha 

Christian Co-creative Transformation Coach

I help women who are seeking increased emotional and spiritual wholeness design a blueprint to a fulfilling life through one to one and small group coaching.

{Image courtesy of Anna Shvets}