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LIFE LESSON

Each of us is a reflection of the people we choose to allow in our orbit. It’s a premise that certainly isn’t new, as you are probably familiar with the phrase, “birds of a feather flock together,” or the quote from motivational speaker Jim Rohn: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

One thing that’s consistently true: our self-esteem and feelings of worthiness are directly related to those who we spend time with (whether digitally or offline). In order to develop mentally, spiritually and physically, those people must embody the following personas:

The Opposite: This person balances your energy. If you’re naturally kinetic, this person will be more purposeful in her actions. If you’re generally methodical, your opposite will be more spontaneous. He may be the person who texts you with a last-minute invite to a show or an event.

The Twin: This person sees the world through the same or similar lens as you. She may have a common upbringing. He may share cultural references or generational markers. Your Twin serves as your discernment barometer. She can reflect back to you assessments that align with your point of view.

The Mirror: This person serves as your third-person perspective. Her talent is in reflecting back to you in non-judgmental terms what she sees. He is able to paraphrase or restate situations you may find yourself in as a way to dispassionately examine your options. James Baldwin’s quote, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced” applies here. Your mirror helps you face things as they are.

The Sponge: This is the person who just absorbs. He is the shoulder you lean on. She is the person who answers the phone at 3:00 in the morning when you call. This person will seldom offer input or advice, as they understand their role is to serve as your “Thinking Out Loud” audience. By the way, it’s not unusual for this “person” to be an animal — dogs and cats make great sponges.

The Critic: This person plays Devil’s Advocate. She is the loving “what about” advice offerer. He is your Blind Side who empathetically points out things you may be missing or overlooking. A key attribute in this person is their lack of judgment in their appraisals. They want the best for you. A true critic does not destroy, but builds. Be careful not to confuse a critic with a naysayer.

The underlying attribute in all five of these individuals is that they love and support you. It is they who see your highest self, and recognize your possibility without dismissing your present. If these people aren’t in your life right now, you can find them in places where loving, kind, intelligent people gather.

Look for incubators for start ups, nonprofits that focus on capacity building, message boards that focus on your area of interest. Post an update on your favorite social channel, requesting the friend category you’re missing.

By the way, you’ve already started your search by reading this.

LIFE HACK

To celebrate National Sisters Day (today), I thought I'd share this anecdote from my days as a single parent. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence, but one hot summer day, my daughters were literally screaming at each other, slamming doors and stomping up and down stairs.

Summoning them to the dining room table, I gave them each a paper and pencil and placed a kitchen timer in between them. Instructing each to write a list of things that they loved about the other, I set the timer for five minutes and went to make myself a cup of coffee. After the timer rang, I passed the lists around the table that the girls had written and asked them to read the lists aloud.

Sullen at first, as they each read, they began to laugh as the items got more and more absurd. Dissolving in giggles, they forgot why they hated each other and remembered that they loved each other.

When you are faced with something that angers you, take a moment to list at least three things that you like or love about the situation. This is a difficult exercise, but not impossible. I'll give you a free item for your list: the situation you face has given you an opportunity to be mindful, and you are to be congratulated for having the awareness of being able to recognize and name your emotion. There are many people walking the planet who can't do that yet.

Recognizing your self in others is a super power. Try and flex it this week.

TREAT

Today (August 4th) is the anniversary of the Great American Outdoors Act of 2020, which provides funding so national parks and public lands can improve their infrastructure and expand recreation opportunities.

In celebration, all National Park Service sites that typically charge entrance fees will be offering free admission to all visitors. NOTE: there are two remaining free days in the year, so even if you can't visit a national park today, check out the link to see if you can plan a trip for the others.

Want to step into your life in an authentic, powerful way? Want to become a conscious creator of your life instead of a bystander? Ready for the abundance and vibrance that comes when you embrace who you are and what you wish to be? Learn more by reserving your free ClarityCall? using the linktree link below.

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An author, media consultant, life coach and speaker, Molly Cantrell-Kraig has been recognized as one of CNN’s Visionary Women, been profiled by both the Christian Science Monitor and the Shriver Report. Cantrell-Kraig has also been interviewed on the Women’s Media Center and the BBC, speaking on such topics as women, independence, gender roles and life transitions. As a catalytic change-agent, Cantrell-Kraig is a self-described work in progress whose focus is on helping others achieve their goals by sharing her own experiences.