Letting go of needing to be right to do right

I recently spoke to about 300 people virtually on behalf of the Alzheimer’s Association. I was honored to be invited to give some inspiration and thanks to those caregivers who give their heart and soul to those who are struggling with or in their final days with this hideous disease.  A couple of days after I spoke, I received a message from one of the event attendees. She was a caregiver and going through a challenging time, trying to manage her caseload and the challenges that provides and managing life with her family during this COVID situation. 

She asked me a question about something she heard me say during my presentation.

One of the things I talk about was a defining moment from that day on January 15, 2009. When I got to the aisle to depart, I heard my deceased mother say something in my head that changed my direction and, ultimately, my mission when she said, “if you do the right thing, God will take care of you.”  This young lady told me she was struggling as she felt that she had to be right every time with her clients, and when she got home with her family. She told me she was exhausted and didn’t know if she could go on this way. She asked me, “how did I know at that moment to do the right thing as I was in a life and death situation and making the right decision to leave the plane seemed to be more logical to save my life?” 

I told her I had never thought about it that way. I then shared something I learned with her from my mentor, Bill, my mother, was reinforced with me from Tony Robbins and other leaders I have been around.

One topic that Bill and I talked about many times when I was early in my sales career was, is it better to be efficient with what you are doing to get the result or effective?  I had a challenge early in my sales career as I was driven to be the best salesperson and win all the awards. I was initially focused on being quick and efficient on how I did my job. For the most part, it worked, but occasionally I missed some critical details that I had to go back and clean up. After one significant sale I made, I was excited as I was going to receive a nice size commission check, but I found out I missed a few steps in the process before I received it. I was frustrated and mad that I had to go back and clean up the missed steps. Bill and I had met for coffee during this time, and I shared with him my frustration. We again discussed being efficient versus being effective. Bill then shared with me his strategy and mindset about efficiency vs. effectiveness.

Bill told me he learned an important lesson from his mentor, who made a similar mistake when he opened his business in the early 1900s. His mentor was in the era of Andrew Carnegie, Andrew Rockefeller, J.P. Morgan, and later Henry Ford. The economy was exploding with big business, and they all had a significant role in revolutionizing the way things and business functioned. During this era, it was all about being fast and efficient. His mentor modeled that theory and did well but ran into walls as he grew faster than what he was prepared for and started losing customers. Bill told me he had the same problem when he began to open up multiple movie houses as he could not be every place, and getting around was difficult. When he learned and practiced what his mentor told him how he turned his business around, Bill told me he made a dramatic shift in his mindset on how to approach being efficient versus effective.

Let go of needing to be right all the time and focus on doing the right thing by people. 

Be competent in doing your work with quality. And acceptance, which does not mean you necessarily agree with the situation, it means that you see it for what it is and understand the implications.

Competence + Acceptance = Effectiveness

So, I told the young caregiver, what I learned and did that day on the plane was I let go of having to be right, focusing on doing the right thing with my values. I knew I could do it, and I accepted the situation for what it was, knew the risks, and executed. Ultimately, we were all effective that day and turned a potential tragedy into a miracle.

I told her I believed that she was qualified to be an outstanding caregiver as she had been doing it for several years. If she would focus on doing the right thing for her clients and her family and let go of being afraid of making a mistake, she would have less stress knowing she was doing the right thing. I also reiterated to her what I said during my talk, I met the caregivers who took care of my father in his final days, and they were some of the most loving ladies I had ever met, and I was sure she was too.

Learn to let go of always having to be right and shift your mindset and ask yourself what the right thing to do is, and more often than not; the result will turn out well. Work on being the most competent person in your field, be accepting and see things for what they are, and, more often than not, you will do the right thing in the moment.

Every day, equip yourself with focused execution, empower yourself with resourcefulness, and transform yourself with gratitude so you can be the inspired leader and servant leader, ready to serve others first.  

LEAD YOURSELF FIRST!

 Dave Sanderson is the President of his firm, Dave Sanderson Speaks International, based out of Charlotte, NC. On January 15, 2009, Dave was one of the last passengers off the plane that crashed into the Hudson River, best known as The Miracle on the Hudson, considered to be the most successful ditching in aviation history. He has built a career as a motivational speaker, mentor, and author. Recently named one of the top 100 Leadership Speakers in Inc.com, Dave averages over 80 speeches a year for major corporations worldwide.