Letting Go of the External

Things have felt slow for me for a while, and I’ve noticed mounting anxiety about that fact.

When I look in my calendar, things don’t look?slow. They just feel that way. It’s been a while since I’ve been in an abundance of new conversations, and I’ve been trying to get a number of new things off the ground.

During these times, the conversations I’m in can really be frustrating, as the people that tend to come to me aren’t really sure what’s next for themselves, feel a bit like they’re drifting, and feel busy, but like that sense of busy-ness isn’t borne out in the progress they feel they’re making.

This is always the way it will be as a leader.

We naturally draw people to ourselves that are just a single step behind us on their journey. They’re approaching the same breakthrough we’re fixing to create.

If we’re having a really hard time being with our own uncertainty and choosing a path in the midst of that, we’ll have an energetic magnet for people in a similar experience. (If you’d like to read more about why, check out the second energetic law of leadership , as well as the fifth .)

A really common complaint of coaches and leaders in this situation is that they are left feeling like they need to “level up” the kind of people they are attracting or hiring.

In these moments, especially when we’re at our most frustrated, the issues always look like they’re external to ourselves.

But, the more we try to change the external world, the less inclined we are to keep looking inwards at the breakthrough wanting to happen.

Each shift we make externally brings about a momentary sense of change, due to its novelty, but it’s only a matter of time before our internal state reasserts itself and we’re back in a familiar place.

I generally find these the most challenging moments for leadership.

They’re periods of time where the old ways are no longer working, and it’s clearly time for something new.

But the new isn’t yet formed, and the safety and certainty of the world we knew is slowly falling away.

I look around me and can easily find evidence that the empire I once created is crumbling to dust, and my fear wants to pull me back to what once worked.

But time and again, the deeper answer always seems to be the same.

Let my attention on what’s happening “out there” fade away, and turn to the breakthrough that lies internally to be created.

Who is there for me to be in the face of all of this? What is the breakthrough I’ve declared for myself? How can I relate to all of this through the lens of that breakthrough-in-creation?

While it’s not easy to stay this course (at least, it isn’t for me), I find that the way things come out in the wash is always the same.

I get supported to keep turning my attention back towards the ontological shift I’m committed to creating, and slowly, as things start to unthaw and I start to create what’s next, I start to see more and more people come out of the woodwork.

Eventually there comes a point where I look back and realize it’s been a few months since I was concerned about what was previously all-encompassing.

And likewise, my clients and those I lead seem to find themselves having the same experience.

Get supported, and stay the course.

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