Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to...
Our friends and colleagues enrich our lives. We share most of our time and share our lives with these people. They are our support system. Unfortunately, friends and colleagues do not always a positive influence – for many different reasons. While we love these people, it’s important to know how the dynamics of relationship are working. I feel some of these relations drag us down instead of uplifting us. They drag down your energy, mood, or productivity. Most often the negativity is subtle and performed subconsciously. So how do you navigate this social minefield? Is it possible to salvage these relationships, and if not, how do you know it’s time to let go? Let’s look at steps you can use to analyze these relationships when they start feeling like dead weight at your feet.
Recognizing Friction. The first obvious step is recognizing when a relationship has become painful for you. This can sometimes be a bit more of a challenge than one might think. First off, every relationship has its difficulties, and sometimes we tend to ignore an increase in the downs, just passing it off as routine. It’s one thing, however, to have your struggled moments, but when bickering and power-plays become the norm, it’s more than just being moody or needing a couple days apart. Another reason it can be difficult is because the way your friends and colleagues undermine you is not always obvious. Humans are emotional creatures who communicate in subtle ways, especially considering that we ourselves don’t always understand our own motive. Just be sure to pay attention when they leave you feeling negative more often than they leave you positive, even if it seems unintentional. Consider why and how they are making you feel the way they do.
Try to Understand Them. Upon determining that your relationship is holding you back, the first temptation is often anger. Resist the temptation to get emotional or vengeful in return. You stand a far greater chance of preserving the relation and maybe even coming to some new understandings of your own if you seek empathy instead. Try to understand what exactly is causing their behavior. Are they really angry at you or are they just feeling insecure? Seek truth first.
Consider the Benefits. Take the time to consider the positives the relation brings into your life. It’s only fair to think about how much they mean to you and all the pleasure and support they offer aside from the recent difficulties. Dismissing this can cause you to undervalue them in a state of anger, and you don’t want to make a huge decision like this in haste. The unfortunate truth is that you may realize at this point that any value they did bring to your life has long since disappeared; sometimes that’s just the way life goes. Whatever the reason, if a person brings nothing of value to your life other than negativity, it might be time to let them go.
Understand the Negatives. After going through the positive benefits this person brings into your life, it’s time to get serious about the negatives. How detrimental is their behavior and attitude towards your own life? Is it going to really affect your progress, or is it likely to just be a temporary growing pain that they’ll get used to just like they’ve always gotten used to the changes life brings?
Letting Go. If you decide your life is better off without a particularly relationship, does that decision really necessitate some type of awkward and confrontational “breakup?” In the vast majority of cases, I would say no. Who knows, maybe someday down the road you’ll reconnect as two different – yet very familiar – people.
The Evolution of Relationships. None of this is easy. In a perfect world, all of your close relations would see the great things happening in your life and hop right on board, not only happy to see you doing so well but eager to follow down the same path. Unfortunately, that’s not how it usually works. As you continue to evolve, you’ll meet new people who bring exciting new possibilities into your life. Not only that but you’ll quickly find out who your true friends are – the ones that really will be there until the end. It’s a painful process but sometimes well worth the effort.