Letter to a Young Black Princess

I thought I would share something I wrote before the racial pandemic in golfed our country, and I hope will give teens and adults comfort on today.

This letter will be included in author Tamara Winfrey-Harris' next book Dear Black Girl: Letters from your Sisters on Stepping Into Your Power, due March 2021 from Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

Dear Black Princess :

You’ve been on my mind recently, and I wanted to take a few minutes to share some things that I have been thinking about. Some things that I wish had been shared with me when I was your age. So, I invite you, Black Princess, to grab your favorite coffee or tea, soda or water and spend a few minutes with me.

First, I want to tell you that I see you. That I appreciate you. That I love you and honor you. And that God loves you, too. I know that sometimes it feels as though you don’t hear that enough. It feels sometimes as though society is telling your white sisters how amazing they are and forgets to tell you the same. Or how sometimes it feels like pulling teeth for someone to recognize your beauty and grace, your kindness and humor, your eyes… or the way you just sway to the beat of your favorite song the way that only you can. The way you’re good at math and science (or not), the way you can sing, dance and act (or not), or the way you’re really creative and good with your hands (or not). You see, it all matters.

Society may be telling your white sisters that they can be anything they want to be in this life, but sometimes it forgets to tell you that. No matter how much money or education you have, or how well-spoken or talented you are, your road will always be more difficult. The beauty is that these challenges will make you stronger. More resilient. And more empathetic than some of your white sisters. And for that, be grateful.

Sometimes, you just want it to be easy. You don’t always want to learn the hard way. You just want things to come to you without resistance… and that is natural. But where there is ease, there are no lessons. Where there is no resistance, there is no growth.

I wrote a book for women called Flourish: Have it All Without Losing Yourself, and I shared several lessons that you, Black Princess, can use as well. First, the definition of flourish is to “grow luxuriantly.” How cool is that, right? And there are six dimensions to flourishing:

SUCCESS. This is your work and your wealth. I will repeat what you’ve been told before – work hard, work smart, and work consistently. But you may not have been told to find a mentor, sponsor and champion to help you along the way. They will give you tools you can use, keep you on the right track, speak for you when you’re not in the room, and provide another set of eyes to make your projects improve. They provide a challenge – now do you see why that is a good thing, as long as they do it from a place of love?

SELF-CARE. This is how you take care of yourself, but is not just about eating your broccoli and doing your yoga. It’s about how you manage stress and how much sleep you get. It’s about really taking care of yourself. And in order to take care of yourself, you have to know yourself.

SPIRIT. This is an area that is near and dear to my heart. This is not a religious distinction, it’s just about making sure that your spirit of gratitude and mindfulness becomes part of your daily routine. Make sure you find something larger than yourself (for me, that is God) to find peace and love and fellowship. And that you build a relationship with your God and yourself that is spiritual and based in love.

SYNERGY. This is about your relationships. Starting from those closest to you, to your classmates, work colleagues, and all the way out to the community and/or the world. Each person is valuable, so those whom you love, make sure you invest the time and energy to communicate with them, to earn their trust, and to be emotionally responsible for yourself. Emotional responsibility is owning your emotions and identifying that they are in fact yours. You own your emotions. All of them.

SERVICE. Becoming a servant leader is a great way to flourish at any age. The ten principles of servant leadership are: a) Listening; b) Empathy; c) Healing; d) Self-awareness; e) Persuasion; f) Conceptualization; g) Foresight; h) Stewardship; i) Commitment to the Growth of People; and j) Building Community.

LEGACY. What will you be remembered for 25 years after you leave this earth? That is what your legacy will be. Make sure it reflects your values, what you believe is important and the contribution you want to leave for generations to come.

I hope you’ll take these lessons with you as you move forward in life. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you’ve made in the past. What matters most is how you take the lessons from the past and use them to make the world around you a better place because you were here. You can do this and so much more. Keep flourishing!

I love you, Black Princess. Always,

Dr. Rachel Talton, CEO

Synergy + Flourish