Letter to self on #Turning50.

I put this post up with some sense of Pride, but on the other side in trepidation.

As I turn over the page for this great number tomorrow, I am thankful for numerous things.

One is Turning 50, by all accounts I should not be here, I have faced #Death in the face on numerous occasions and am still standing.

I was told when I was younger, I’d be #Lucky to make it to 30 due to Cancer and previous injuries and trauma, and here I am turning 50.

I often sit back and contemplate how far I have come, but also know every day is a school day and I have plenty left in the tank.

I #celebratelife and appreciate the journeys I have been on puts me in a strong place to help and understand others like me, by #knockingdownwalls and barriers, and #creatingopportunities and #buildingconfidence and #aspirations because I appreciate what it's like to be marginalised and misunderstood.

I often, explore what a grand journey I have been on, and some of the stonking mistakes I have made, but with them the #greatvictories that have risen from the lessons learnt.

These storms and trauma I have been on through my life have shaped & prepared me to build resilience and expertise to help those who have nothing or need that extra support, and someone to empathise with them.

I did not have the idyllic childhood, and the other day subconsciously my family reminded me of that when they shared pictures/memorabilia of which I was not born at that time, or very young, my mum used to save everything with them, report cards, clippings from papers, but by the time I came along she was a very unhappy person, and I ended up becoming her carer.

I was an afterthought, which is one of the reasons I try so hard to try and make others feel special and #liftthemup, as I have been where no-one should ever be, made to feel 2nd best.

My dad was a retired PTI in the forces, and it took me a few years to get rid of the idealist approach of #beingthebest or #nothingatall. 

You always had to be first place, it was only when I got ill for the 2nd time in my early 30’s and had to undergo surgery and radiotherapy and chemo, and he came to look after me that I really got to meet my DAD, and we mended bridges before he passed away.

Through my disabilities I know I see the world a little different than most, but you know what #itsok, as I now embrace being the #BlackSheep, it is this #uniqueness that helps me stand out from the crowd.

Those of you that know me, understand my quips, and those that don’t maybe you should look past the exterior, and get to know the real me, especially in these times of togetherness, just like a wolf and a bear, I am very protective of those I love, but I am also very nurturing to those who need help.

Someone sent me this little ditty today and I was so touched, as it embraced what I have been doing for the past 2 years of my life with the John Summers project.

• www.enbarrfoundation.co.uk

This person also spent a lot of time through treatment and is another #warriorprincess

Tomorrow also marks 7 years in remission

A poem for Vicki

? Don’t rest, don’t stop

? Just because you are fifty

? You are only halfway

? You have much to do and see

? Don’t pause, don’t break

? Because of less responsibility

? You still have much to attain

? For yourself and your community

? The real purpose of your life

? You are about to now find out

? The rest of your journey will be

? Fantastic without a doubt

? Just carry on being ME.