A letter to parents of freshman college students
Tony Thelen
I alleviate stress, anxiety, and pain so you can lead a successful career and fulfilling life
To all parents of freshman students
I remember how hard my freshman semester was many years ago. I broke up with my high school girlfriend, failed my calculus class and had to drop so that I could enroll in a correspondence course on trigonometry, and I lost my appetite from all the stress. I was meeting lots of new people but not gaining new friends. Having lots of fun, but drinking too much. I was surrounded by tons of kids my age but never lonelier. I went on spring break and remembered waking up on a beach early one morning with a German Shepard lying next to me. I’ve never been so terrified in my life, having no idea how I got there.
I distinctly remember a point in time wondering what I had done to deserve all of this.
Those days are over 30 years behind me but to this day I believe I found my true inner strength during those difficult moments.
I started journaling. I read a lot. Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead was highly influential. I doubled down on math. On Saturday game days I studied 7-11 am then went out. I played basketball 2-4 hours a day. I focused on getting a summer job my sophomore year related to my career. I asked a senior engineer in my dorm to tutor me. I went to lectures from visiting professors. I went to political speeches. I started to see myself in the world and how I wanted to show up.
Something clicked in me after I hit rock bottom and bit by bit I began to emerge and press on. I’m still on this journey of discovery today, started all that many years ago.?
As a father to 3 daughters now, and the youngest a freshman at ISU, moments of anxiety well up as I see my child struggle with this or that aspect of getting started in colege.
The parent in me wants to mentor and give her the wisdom and guidance to help alleviate her pain and accelerate her development. But it’s at that exact moment that I remember my own journey. Growth comes from within. My child has to find her true self, just as I had done so many years ago.
Her struggling is part of the process. It means she is finding her own edges of her maturity, she is experiencing life on her own terms. She is making her own decisions and learning to live with them. In time, she will not only endure but will thrive. In her own time. There is no way forward but to struggle, endure, learn, adapt…..and grow. At her own pace.
Of course, I will always be here when she calls, as will her mother. We will always be cheering for her to succeed. We will continue to pray for her wellbeing and that God puts positive people in her path. When asked questions, we will provide the best advice and wisdom we can. But giving her the space she needs to develop is maybe the best medicine, as much as we may believe we have all the answers.
Students need some grace to allow them to develop into the wonderful citizens the world so desperately needs today. We as parents also need that same grace to allow them to struggle, and to remember that the world we faced in college is way different than the one our child faces.
?I’m confident our kids will be fine. Even more so, they will be wonderful, kind, confident, generous, funny, and interesting people.
All in due time.
?
Personal Branding for talented women | Become your most confident, inspiring, impactful self | Grow. Rise. Lead. | Speaker | Totally happy in my garden
1 周What a great story and great advice. I especially relate to your feeling of loneliness as a student. I felt pretty isolated as a student as well. It can feel very overwhelming to be confronted with the big bad and glorious world when you are trying to figure yourself out.
Chief Legal Officer
1 周Great insight, Tony! Particularly helpful as I navigate having my oldest’s freshman year of college.
Retired, Deere & Company
1 周We told our kids that they would get two educations at college - one in the classroom and the other outside of the class. We gave them 3 rules to follow - Stay out of jail, stay out of the hospital, and stay out of the paper. Then set them loose to go explore and learn. They're all doing just fine 20 years later - and they can still recite the rules. ??
Reliability Manager, Ag Engineering at John Deere | Advocate for Autonomy | Champion for the Customer
1 周I can't begin to express how much this hits home. As my oldest is a first-year at Arizona State, she has taken on the exciting opportunity to leave her comfort zone of Central Iowa. She has gone through massive growth periods due to the distance. I am balancing helping from afar and letting her develop without being a monitor. I've grown to really appreciate how prepared she was for this challenge. Letting go is becoming easier as a result.