A Letter to My Son

It's that time of the year--millions of families in the coming weeks will be donning their Sunday finest and celebrating the time-honored tradition of honoring graduates as they move their tassels. Next month, our oldest will be walking across the graduation stage to receive his diploma for his bachelor's degree in accounting.?

I've been giving more than a little thought about the advice I want to share with my son on the occasion of his big graduation day. Specifically, what, if any, pearls of wisdom I might offer to him as he closes one chapter in his young life and begins to author the next (and many more to come).?

I can't help but think of the opening line from the graduation speech that Thorton Mellon (played by the late Rodney Dangerfield) delivered to the graduation class—“It's a jungle out there.”

I've been reflecting on my own experience--recalling the advice I once received and thinking about what I wished I had known or appreciated more when I was a recent graduate.?

Some context on my audience of one—my son, Johnny . He has a good head on his shoulders. He's grounded and very outgoing. We called him "The Governor" growing up because he had no compunction about starting a conversation with anyone. (Johnny has the natural gift of gab.) He understands what it means to be part of a team and what being part of a team requires; and he also knows what it takes to lead a team. Johnny is also self-reliant. These traits and the skills he's developed should serve him well as he starts his career path as a consultant. Having said all that, he's 22 and we've all been there.

When I walked off the stage with my diploma many years ago, my focus and mindset were very narrow. (I also majored in accounting, as did my wife.) I started, ran, and sold a business in college, so I had some very practical and important experience under my belt. I wanted to work for a Big 8 (now Big 4) accounting firm. That was it. Like many young adults, my long-term view didn't extend much beyond what was right in front of me--my long-term view was the windshield.?

So, decades later I look in the rearview mirror to gather my thoughts, putting pen to paper about what I want to impart to my son as he enters this next chapter.?

Dear Johnny,

It’s been 11,572 days (give or take) since I walked across the stage to receive my college diploma. I’ve been blessed in so many ways, including having had a great and fulfilling professional career that I continue to enjoy. Along the way, I have learned a lot and made my fair share of mistakes. I am still a work-in-progress with every day presenting new opportunities to be a better version of myself. Here are a few life lessons from my journey that I want to share with you as you embark on yours.?

Life is about choices. One is attitude.?Every day you wake up, you get to decide how you will get after the day. Getting up on the wrong side of the bed with a bad attitude to boot is a choice and sets the tone for everything to come.?

Be Happy/Practice Patience.?Life is short, so do things (including work) that make you happy. But you’re going to find yourself doing things (including things at work) that you don’t enjoy. That’s okay. That’s life and work. Be patient as this too will pass. Patience is not a strong suit for your generation that grew up with everything on demand, so this will require some focus.?

Respect.?You’re going to meet a lot of people on your journey. Have respect for everyone, even individuals you don't particularly like, agree with, or share their points of view. Respect includes never stepping over anyone for your own benefit.?

Take time to say good morning and thank you.?Ask people how their day is going. In some companies, they will call their receptionist the "Director of First Impressions.” Everyone you meet, from the building door attendant and receptionist to the assistant of the person you are there to meet with, determines a collective impression of you. Impressions, including first ones, are most often formed based on how you make people feel. I cannot tell you how many times my assistant (Marina) has shared with me how visitors, vendors, or interviewees who were there to meet with me treated her or interacted with others. Her feedback has always carried significant weight with me.?

Few if any care where you went to college.?Yes, graduating college is a fantastic feat, and I couldn't be prouder of you and your accomplishments, but here is a little truth serum for you:?no one cares about where you went to college, that you were captain of the lacrosse team or even what your GPA was,?and you shouldn't care where anyone else went to school either. And those that do seem to care are probably fighting their insecurities. What matters is where you’re going and it comes down to a strong work ethic, knowledge, common sense, attitude, being able to adapt, and being a great teammate that people can count on. Along the same lines, no one cares about “how hard you’re working.” They’ve all been there and those who are rising are also working hard and not looking for any pats on the back or medals.?

Don’t take your health for granted.?Eat right, exercise, see the doctor regularly for checkups, and if a health issue arises, get a second opinion. Most people don't. It's your life, and you only get one shot at it. So, please pay attention to your health, listen to your body, and protect it. You only get one body.

Find balance in your life. You must be willing and able to disconnect and step away from the keyboard. Take time to breathe and enjoy everything that's important to you. Take vacations. See the world. Mental health matters as much if not more than your physical health and being able to shut things down and recharge your batteries is super important. I have said it to you before—I do some of my best thinking when I am on the water with salt in the air. Feed your mind by feeding your soul.?

Max out your 401K immediately and keep at it.?This is something that I didn't do right out of the gate and should have – so pay attention to your dad here. You currently have no money, but you’re about to start making money. Therefore, you will never miss the money if you max out your 401K (via payroll deductions) right out of the gate. How much you earn is far less important than how much you save, especially early in your career. Let’s review the math. If you max out your 401K for the first ten years of your career and then stop, assuming an 8% annual return, in 30 years (early retirement), it adds up to approximately $1.6M. If you contributed nothing for the first 10 years and then maxed it out for the next 20 years, in 30 years it adds up to $1.1M. Extending the math to 40 years (average retirement age), your investment (based on only contributing during the first decade of your career) is worth approximately $3.4 million. The math is simple and ignores any additional benefit of a company match (free money), which is very common. That’s impactful and you need to plan for it, as Social Security may not be there for your generation when you retire.?Wanting something (retiring early) and being able to do it are two very different things. And the difference most often comes down to money.

Never stop learning.?You graduated from college, but your education is just starting. Your first few years (especially in consulting) will be grueling, akin to a medical residency program (long hours and intense learnings). Prepare for it; embrace it; leverage it. In addition to learning on the job, be worldly and understand what is happening around you at the local, state, and federal level, and globally. Most people today form their viewpoint based solely on scanning the headlines. Form your own opinions, but don’t be shallow in forming those opinions. Hence do your homework, avoid information bubbles (change the TV channel often to get different points of view), and be aware of not getting swayed by groupthink.?

Leave your ego at the door and be humble.?You will NOT know most things early on, and it's okay; it's expected. Don't be afraid to ask for help or say, "I don't know," but?ALWAYS?follow it up with "but I will find out."

Embrace change and take chances.?We live in a rapidly changing world, and the only thing constant is change, so embrace it and don't get too comfortable being comfortable. Challenge yourself. Try new things. Accept that failure is part of growing and evolving. When you fail (and you will), pick yourself up, learn from it, and keep moving forward.

Most importantly, be the person we raised you to be—YOU.

Love, Dad?

I'm still putting my thoughts together and would love to hear what you have to share about the advice you've received that has made an impact, including things you wish you knew or appreciated more with the perspective of living your life.?

Please leave a comment and share your thoughts, advice, or lessons learned.