A Letter To My Kids

Life is bittersweet. It can be tough and rewarding at the same time. Raising the three of you definitely falls into that category, the happiest days of my life were when the three of you were born, the toughest are seeing the tears and pain in your eyes when you are frustrated, hurt or upset. The former is a feeling of happiness that I have yet to surpass and the latter is so heart-breaking that nothing compares to it.

My job as a parent is to ensure you are heading in the right direction at all costs. It's about being a parent and a role model, never about being your friend or equal. The responsibility of being a parent is huge and it should never be diluted with such thoughts. It's about teaching you about responsibility and accountability, how to have self-control and how to self regulate, guiding you in the right direction [especially when you wander off the path], how to respect yourself and others, how choices all have consequences and how life just isn't fair. It is my job to raise you to being an upstanding member of society and following all the rules with precision. It's about teaching each of you right from wrong and bad from good. It's about teaching you how the choices you make today will affect the decisions you make tomorrow, and teaching you that should always stand up for what you believe in. Teaching each of you that the truth always prevails and always telling the truth will make your life much easier. Teaching you that there are a lot of asses out there and making sure that you understand their opinion means nothing. It is the biggest responsibility I will ever have and it's one that I never take lightly.

Since none of you came with an instruction manual [or directions of any kind], I had to use the examples set by my parents to give me a foundation to start from. I then took from that experience, tweaked it with my beliefs and did the best I could. It's a constant learning process that I try to perfect each and every day. Throughout that learning process I hopefully gave each of you the tools that will help you get through life and be the people you need to be. Being a parent is everything but easy and through all the highs, lows, accomplishments and disappointments, you will soon find out just how much life is truly like a roller coaster.

I have always tried to focus on teaching you all life's lessons and these are the 10 most critical impressions I have been making on each of you since day 1....

1. Honesty

Always tell the truth. Period. There is never a reason to lie about anything and you will be able to look yourself in the mirror much easier if you always tell the truth. "I like honesty. Even if I don't like what I'm hearing, if it's honest then I'm good with it." - Dr. Laura Schlessinger

2. Choices

Life is about choices and all choices have consequences. Good or bad, there is always a price to pay. With any life changing choice, make a pros and cons list. You see things clearly when they are written down on paper and it will ensure you are making the right decision. "Life is about choices. Everything you decide for yourself will either have a good consequence or a bad one. Everything has a price. Observation is a good teacher. As for what others think of you, you will only get the respect you demand. It will never be given. Respect yourself. That's all you need. - Gene Simmons

3. Clarity

When weighing options in life, having clarity is critical. Gather all the facts and operate from a factual standpoint. Opinions and rumors can cause you grief and can wreck havoc in your life if you don't have clarity. Please take the time to be clear on every decision you make, that way you can live with and accept the consequences that come from your decisions. “It’s a lack of clarity that creates chaos and frustration. Those emotions are poison to any living goal.” - Steve Maraboli

4. Respect Yourself

Respecting yourself is also very important. Having respect for yourself will not only help you to feel confident in yourself, but will go a long way into developing and cultivating healthy relationships. You will develop a sense of what is worth putting up with and when to cut bait. Respecting yourself will ensure that you surround yourself with like minded people that are all working towards the same goal. "If you don't treat yourself with respect, other people will follow your example." - Uncredited

5. Working Hard

Laziness is like a disease and you will never benefit from being lazy. Always take pride in everything you do and never give up. No matter what you commit to doing, make sure you take the time to do it right the first time. Making careless mistakes, cutting corners or not following through are all very costly and should be abrogated at all costs. Taking the time to do things right will allow people to trust and depend on you. "Teach your young children to work and teach them that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. Help them to find pleasure in work and to feel the satisfaction that comes from a job well done." - Joseph B. Wirthlin

6. Ignore The Idiots

Unfortunately there are people out there who are cruel and unkind. People who are happy tearing you down instead of building you up. People that would rather see you fail than succeed. This is why no one's opinion matters and you should not waste anytime giving them a second thought. Don't allow someone's opinion to cloud your judgement or make any decisions for you, for their intent could be malicious. Think for yourself and arrive at your own conclusions, don't ever let someone else be in the driver's seat of your life. Life is way too short for that foolishness. "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do." - Benjamin Franklin

7. Character

Having character is very important. Things will upset you all throughout life that we can't control, it's how we react that defines our character. Character is also defined by how we treat people that can't do anything for us. Character is how we treat wait staff in a restaurant. Character should never be compromised, always stay true to your character and always be humble. I would much rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” - John Wooden

8. Acceptance

Accepting things the way they are goes a long way in soothing your soul. Life is about acceptance, the more we accept reality the better we can adjust to hiccups along the way. Accepting our limitations gives us the ability to not over commit to things and get buried under a lot of assumptions. "People do the best in life when they accept what they don't have." - Dr Laura Schlessinger

9. Don't Gossip

I consider gossiping to be taboo. It should never be done on any level. Worry about yourselves and if someone comes to you with gossip, politely tell them that you don't want to hear it. Remember this....if someone will gossip behind others' backs to you, they will definitely gossip about you when you aren't present. Have more self-respect for yourself than to get down on a lower level and participate in gossiping. Treat others as you want to be treated. "It is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one. Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things." - Lawrence G. Lovasik

10. Be Private

In this day and age people like to share everything about themselves. They inform others what meals they eat, what they are watching, who they are talking with, etc. and I think that's part of the problem with people today. It amazes me how people have no problem putting family pictures all over the internet [giving every pedophile access to them], telling people about going on vacations, bathroom habits, etc. without thinking of the any consequences through. You should only be open with your immediate family and loved ones, not every Tom, Dick and Harry on the internet. Don't give people that kind of insight into your life. Safe all those moments for that special someone that you decide to spend the rest of your life with, not a bunch of strangers. If you are private, you will not give anyone the ability to gossip about you. "Privacy is not something that I'm merely entitled to, it's an absolute prerequisite." - Marlon Brando

My goal has always been to raise the three of you to the best of my ability. To always be there for the three of you and always answer any questions that you all may have, truthfully and honestly. I have not always been the best parent to the three of you, but I continue to work at it everyday. Hopefully, when I am on my death bed, the three of you can get together and know that I gave each of you everything I had. You three are the best things to ever happen to me and I can only hope that my actions as a parent have proven that way beyond a reasonable doubt. It's you three [and your mom] that gives me hope and a burning love that will never die. I am honored to be blessed with such gifts and I can only pray that each of you don't waste a single day on insignificant things. Focus on the big picture, learn from the setbacks and always work to make yourselves better human beings. Don't be afraid of anything and always towards self-analysis to be the best you can be. Don't worry about anyone else and focus on yourselves, for you should only worry about things that you can actually control [which is yourselves and no one else].

My youngest daughter asked me what God looked like the other day. I think Frank Sinatra answered it best with a song called "That's What God Looks Like To Me"...

One day as I walked with my son hand in hand,

He said, there are things that I don't understand,

How high is the sky? what makes it so blue?

And tell me, dad, what does God look like to you?

I said, He looks like a rainbow, just after the rain,

He's as golden as wheat dancing over the plain.

He looks like the star when the night's crystal clear,

He looks like a baby when mother is near.

His face is the moonlight reflected on snow,

His hair like garden where all flowers grow,

He's heavenly eyes are as true as the sea,

My son, that's what God really looks like.

His heart like a mountain so vast and so strong,

That's why all his children have room to belong.

His smile is the morning we waken to see,

But you, my son, you are what God really looks like to me.

All Of My Love,

Dad