A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Devi,

I want you to know that while I may have spent more years on this planet than you, it doesn’t mean I hold all the answers. Life has taught me many lessons, but instead of offering advice, I want to share my observations. My hope is that they inspire you to reflect on your own journey and find your own truths.

When I was little, breakfast was often just white rice with soy sauce. According to society, I was poor but at that time I didn’t know about society yet so I was living happily.

As I grew older, I encountered what I now think of as society’s “drugs.” These weren’t the kind you imagine, but they were just as addictive: approval, attention, and appreciation. I craved them. I started believing that life’s joys—work, play, laughter, and connection—were only valuable if they came with validation from others.

Society told me: study hard, get a good job, earn money, and achieve success. I obeyed. I chased the things society said would bring me happiness: a house, a car, vacations, status, and relationships. But all of it was tied to those “drugs.” I wasn’t living for myself. My happiness depended on whether society praised me, and my misery followed when it didn’t. When society presses the button up, I go up. When society presses the button down, I go down. I wasn’t living as a human being.

Over time, I realized that this constant chase for approval was stealing my freedom. I wasn’t living as a human being—I was just reacting to external expectations. That realization changed everything.

I began to understand that to live freely, I needed to let go of these attachments. I needed to understand myself: why I felt what I felt, why I acted the way I did. It’s not easy, but this journey toward self-awareness has been liberating.

What does it mean to understand yourself? It’s about pausing when you feel strong emotions—anger, anxiety, frustration—and asking, “Why?” Looking inward can help you see the root of these feelings. Once you understand them, they begin to lose their hold on you.

Let me share a couple of examples from my life:

• I used to get angry when people asked, “When will you get married?” That anger wasn’t about the question—it came from shame. I felt I wasn’t meeting society’s expectations. Once I understood this, I stopped being bothered by the question.?
• I used to feel anxious about my career and finances, fearing I wasn’t good enough. But that anxiety stemmed from my attachment to being the “perfect person” society wanted me to be. Now, I still work hard and have goals, but without the fear of failing to meet someone else’s standards.

You might wonder: without craving or striving, wouldn’t life feel empty? But it’s actually the opposite. Letting go of these attachments brings clarity, peace, and energy. You stop fearing failure and striving for perfection, and you start living with ease—like driving without constantly pressing the brakes.

There’s a beautiful saying by the Chinese sage Chuang Tzu:

"When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him. He cares! He thinks more of winning than of shooting, and the need to win drains him of power."

This has been true in my life. When I let go of outcomes, I find freedom. I have the energy to focus on what truly matters without the weight of fear or the need to impress.

Happiness and success aren’t about good jobs, fame, or great reputations. They come from living simply and authentically. We don’t need luxury cars, expensive makeup, or fancy restaurants to be happy. We don’t need anyone’s approval to live a fulfilled life.

Here’s what I’m working on now, and maybe you’ll find it helpful too:

1. Self-Observation When I feel anxious or upset, I pause to ask, “Why?” Understanding my emotions helps me navigate life with more clarity and less stress.

2. Enjoying Life I’m embracing the simple joys—good meals, clean water, laughter, and meaningful conversations. I try to lose my mind and come to my senses, tasting life fully as it unfolds.

I’m still learning, and there’s so much more to discover. If I come across any new observations, I promise to share them with you.

With all my love,

Mom

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?? If you enjoyed this article, I’ve recently launched my Substack (https://stressfreeliving.substack.com), where I’ll be sharing more articles regularly.