A letter to my 17 year old daughter, Taya

My darling Taya,

Wow – I cannot believe that you are almost 18 and what a pleasure (and at times challenge) it has been watching you grow into the woman you are becoming.??

I continue to watch on, now more than ever from the sidelines as you grow up, in awe as I see before me the girl becoming the woman. I look on as you challenge and question. I sit back in amazement as you own your voice, stand up for what you believe in and lean into trying new things – something I was too scared to do at 17. I hear you debate legal cases, argue for what’s right, and question the levels of kindness in society.?

I hear you dream about your future – the degree you want to do and why you are choosing the field you want to go into.

You are growing into a remarkable young woman that your Dad and I love more than anything in the world. You are resilient and strong, confident and willing to speak up for what you love. Equally, you are courageous enough to challenge and question the things you disagree with. You light up the room with your smile. You have so much love to share – for your family and friends. You are a go-getter with a willingness to try anything.

And I have witnessed you with your first love – the care, the compassion, the fun you have, the conversations...and oh my heart when his mum asked “tell me why you like Taya so much”.? His response “Because she is always so kind, mum”.

While my role in your life will continue to evolve and change as you get older I hope that you carry one particular skill with you through all of it. I remember when you were small and on just the day-to-day errands we entered into an underground carpark and I just heard you go “wow”.?

“What is it Taya?”.?

“Mummy, there is magic everywhere.”

Because, yes my darling, there is magic everywhere. And recently when we discussed having a trip to Disneyland you told me, “My childhood would be complete.” This sense of magic is something I hope stays with you as you grow up, because people who see the magic in this world, BRING the magic into this world.?

The world has continued to evolve since I wrote my first letter to you on IWD at the age of 13.? And yet as I look back on that letter and reflect there continues to be work for all of us to do.

A Month of Celebration

This is the month that we, collectively, stop and acknowledge the progress of women around the world. And whilst we are making progress, it’s frustratingly slow. We still have lots to do to build a world of equal rights, inclusion, and belonging, but trust there are many adults – women and men – doing all we can to challenge the status quo and to change things for you and all girls.

There are still girls that are unable to access education, girls already married and bearing children, and girls that are sold into slavery and raped by men who don’t seem to care about the fear or emotional trauma they are causing.? These little girls, just like you, are human beings with hearts and feelings, with fears and emotions, with fleeting thoughts and dreams of what they would like to be when they grow up. And for all the girls around the world, my darling Taya, please continue to follow your dreams, to be all you want to be, and to use your strength, as you grow up, so that you too can shine a light on what needs to change for others.

Every generation of women has had a job to do and you will have one too

From the Suffragette movement fighting for our right to vote to your great aunts and grandmothers holding the fort at home, raising families on rations while the war raged around the world, to your Granny’s generation many of whom had to give up their own dreams to raise families.

To a generation of women who started to challenge workplace bias, some of whom felt they had to develop a tough and strong exterior to operate and succeed in a ‘man’s world’.? These women – my first female bosses – inspired me. In them, I saw drive and determination. I saw passion and belief. I was encouraged to do more and become more. They spoke to me of their challenges around work:life balance, the sacrifices they felt they had to make, the unconscious bias that stopped their progress and belittled their dreams, of society’s expectations of what they should do and how they should live their lives.?They inspired me because they also spoke of their determination to never ever give up because they ultimately loved what they were doing and were following their passion.

To my generation of women who continue to push against perceived norms and rules of the establishment, who are highlighting unconscious bias as it appears and making some serious cracks in the glass ceiling. Women who are working smartly to pursue career and business dreams whilst standing in the conviction of our real selves, embracing our individual versions of what it means to be a woman in the 21st century, with our multiple and individual facets of who we are and what we stand for.

We know that our job is to continue to challenge ourselves and those around us.??

I’m seeing more women in power owning their decisions to step away, to focus on themselves, and leave a legacy for those in your generation to follow. I hope you know to value yourself, and your well-being over everything else… even when society might have other ideas.?

We know that through our everyday behaviours and actions, we are setting a new precedent for individuals, leaders, organizations, and for society.

And whilst, your parents, family, friends, and teachers are equipping you with all the tools you need to navigate your place in the world and change is happening – there is still work to do.

Know Your Worth

Unless change happens, as a woman you will get paid less than your male counterparts for doing the same work – you will actually have to work 60 days more in the same job to get the same pay*.

Many have argued that this is because of taking time out to raise children. Some have argued that women simply do not ask for the same pay but a recent survey by CNBC*, shared that while the same percentage of men and women (11%) asked for a raise in 2022 in response to the rising cost of living, men were more likely to get the salary bump. 59% of men received a raise, compared to only 52% of women.

Taya, this is one of those things that I can’t explain. I have no idea why this is still such an issue and I hope we get to pay equity before you start work. The truth is IT SUCKS – even if you study the same course, and get better marks, the statistics still say that you will get paid less for doing the same job.? I question how this will affect your motivation and your self-belief. Know that my generation and the generations ahead of you are fighting hard to change it.?

Whatever you do, continue to value your education – it is a lifelong asset – soak it up, learn something new every day, and know that you are worthy.? There is nothing less about you at all and don’t ever let anyone tell you or make you feel that you are not good enough. Look them in the eye, be brave, and challenge them because you are worth every cent of who you are.

1 in 3 women are Victims of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse

This frightens me to the core.??

Even as a grown woman, I still feel the fear when out alone in the evening as my ‘spidey senses’ switch on. There are so many times over the years that I have been made to feel uncomfortable, on edge, or nervous about a situation I found myself in.? I can still remember hosting a private dinner a couple of years ago for 16 smart, driven, successful businesswomen – and at that dinner, the statistic was 1 in 2 had been victims of some form of domestic violence or sexual abuse!?

I know you get annoyed at my nagging when you head out to parties or alone. I am, and always will be, your Mumma Bear – it’s my job to keep you safe and to protect you. Taya, there are lots of amazingly brave women around the world right now, speaking up and raising awareness on the back of the #METOO movement but unfortunately, the daily news continues to tell a different story.

Yes, you should feel safe in your own home. Yes, you should be free to walk safely anywhere. But please always stay with a friend, walk in lit streets, be aware of those around you, and carry your keys between your fingers.? I give you permission to yell at the top of your voice, to kick and scream, to shout FxxK OFF till you lose your voice. I give you permission to be bold and strong and loud and to protect yourself.

And trust your intuition at all times. That powerful voice in your tummy is your secret weapon.? It will let you know when things aren’t right. Never ever ignore it. Because that intuition will keep you safe.

Comparison is A Killer

Try to quit comparing yourself to the things you see on social media. I appreciate that social media and phone messaging apps are your way of keeping connected with your friends and it’s so awesome that a whole world of knowledge and connection is at your fingertips.? But not everything online is a true reflection of life.

Don’t believe everything you see and read.

Don’t compare yourself to those you see posting online.

It is not normal to obsess about how you look or go to endless lengths perfecting the image you are sharing online.??

You don’t have to share private moments with the masses.

Friendship is not measured by how many likes you get, who comments and who doesn’t. I get this is hard when so many conversations and chats are all done virtually versus in person.

I still remember when you were in Year 3 and you were bullied at school for wearing glasses and having to go to speech therapy, I remember trying to help you understand the mean comments in the playground of, “Why are you so fat, Taya?” And I loved it when you said to me, “Mum, I love my body now”? – it put the biggest smile on my face.

Yes, Taya!? Love you for all you are.?

Support Other Women Always

Remember we are all trying to do our best – we are trying to be the best mum, friend, lover, wife, manager, teacher, leader.? Be fair without judgment and always support those around you.

Being a woman of value and worth doesn’t mean being Wonder Woman. You don’t need to fly around in your Invisible Jet, saving the corporate planet on a regular schedule and then making it home in time to have dinner on the table. That’s not what life should be about.??

The buck does stop with you.? YOU are the one who decides whether you are good enough. Nobody else. You are an integral part of driving change so start believing that you can. Take ownership of your emotions, step up, step in, use your voice, and dictate your own path.

Become a? Rapunzel – a woman who will let down their hair to help the women and girls around you to step up and be more. Become a woman who is willing to show the way, providing opportunities for others to shine, grow and succeed.

Embrace the diversity of gender, sexual preference, age and colour of skin, of choice, and difference of opinion.? Virtually high-five the successes and life choices of others; support dreams rather than destroy them. We all have to work collaboratively to smash that glass ceiling to pieces.

We have to work together – because only then will effective change happen.

And finally Taya:

I love you more than anything in the world and no matter what, I will always be there in your corner, backing you all the way as you make your own way in the world.

This International Women’s Day I am celebrating and grateful for all the amazing women I know and those I don’t know. The women who inspire me with their work, courage, and determination.?

And more so, I am celebrating you – the future of all the efforts that we are collectively working towards.

I love you and will always love you more.

Mum x

* https://www.wgea.gov.au/newsroom/equal-pay-day-2022

* https://fortune.com/2022/12/17/women-men-ask-for-raises-at-same-rate/