A Letter I sent to Heaven, just for my Mommy and Daddy! I miss you and love you so very much! By, Christian Karen Berman

My letter to Heaven for my Mommy, Beverly Joan Cohen Berman, I love you very much! I really wish you were still here, so I could give you a very happy Mother's Day and you would know you are still very loved, needed and wanted! I'd of made you a beautiful card with a lovely poem and saying! I miss you still, it's very sad and lonely having no Mommy anymore! I wish your last year wasn't so sad, terrible and painful, I feel very, very bad for you! The hospice wasn't very nice to you at all, my poor Mommy! I am happy your safe and loved with your loving, adoring, wonderful, attentive parents who you missed for so long! I'm sad you have my Daddy now, you have your Daddy and now mine too! I miss him very much and still needed him! You get to spend a lot of time and be with him now, you must be very happy, I'm happy for you, but sad for me! It's very depressing I had to lose my Mommy and Daddy at such a young age when I still needed you both very much! I have no family anymore, I've been trying to look at the bright side and good things in my life, but at the core of my being, this is how sad I honestly feel in my heart! I think it's unfair, I have to go through so much difficulties mostly all alone in the world and people leave me all the time, no one knows what to really do with me to help me and I do try my very hardest in all I do everyday! I miss having the love, safety and security of an always there family to speak up for me, hug me, cuddle and snuggles, protect me, put me on your laps, I miss Daddy's lap and him holding me a lot, he put me on his lap until the very end, so I still know what it feels like to be held like that, it's very sad that's gone forever too, I lost so much! My love, happiness, acceptance and security too! Not too many people really understand, all the grief and trauma I went through the last 3 years! I went from my own safe, very protected little world, were I barely ever had to leave the house and when I did it was either children's places, toys stores, the playground or the hospital! I wish I still had some kind of a loving, supportive family, I still need that so much so much to help me cope with the big, scary world and the great stresses and challenges of life, when I don't know what to do next in my life, you never taught me that, you protected me so much from the world and the people in it too! I also wish that people would try hard to understand me, try to accept me and love me for who I am, even when I make a few mistakes nobody is perfect! Everyone should have some kind of a substitute family, it's just very hard and lonely to be all alone in the big world! I know I am hard to understand sometimes, because I have Aspergers Syndrome Autism, but I mean well and try my best always! I miss you and Daddy so much everyday and every night, I never forget you, I never forget to remember you! You are etched in my brain, you both visit me as often as you can in my dreams and thats very nice, but it's just really sad and just not the same, I have to go through everyday, week, month, year, decade and lifetime all alone without you! I wish we could still go on trips together on Earth and outings, shopping and have a fun day and vacations together, but we can't your invisible now sadly! I really feel I didn't get enough time with you when you were on Earth! You didn't get to teach me everything I need to know and help me grow up more and become an independent young adult! I know you guys were protecting me from the mean, cold, cruel world, but that left me very helpless and dependent! I wish you both didn't have to leave me so soon, I really love you both the most in the world! I never got to go on a date, have you at my Wedding and give you grandchildren, I just gave you lots of baby dolls and reborn toddlers! Do you know I need eye glasses too like you guy's had reading glasses! I feel like you're both missing out of my life and all my accomplishments, that you would take great pride in! I have come a long way from the little girl who didn't like to go to school, had separation anxiety, didn't want to leave the house and go anywhere and sometimes had meltdowns! I was a good kid that listened, but not perfect all the time and yet you still loved me no matter what! I was very young for my age, I am still trying to grow up a little more, it's hard with no parents by my side, loving me unconditionally and trying to teach me! I think you would be proud of my finding a therapist, it took 4 times, I went through 3 therapists in a few months, thats gotta be a new record or something! I never missed an appointment with him, going to the dentist, getting my 4 cavity's filled, going out more, finding 2 mentors all on my own and doing my Daddy's Who's Who Lifetime Achievement Award! I really appreciate and understand now, how smart my Daddy was and I am trying to be more intelligent like he was! You were a very sweet Mommy, you had a lot trouble understanding me through, it's been so hard without you and Daddy and being so all alone most of the time! Tears, sorrow, deep love and missing your only daughter, Christian Karen Berman